I love my sweet boy.
The bat signal!
Miss Mara and her piggytails :)
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Tomorrow
We leave for Connecticut tomorrow. Mara came down with a cold on Saturday and passed it on to Corky yesterday. Awesome! Hopefully she'll be over the congestion mostly before we fly. I'm actually really excited though. My dad's family lives there and my cousin is like a big sister to me. I haven't seen her since my wedding in 2013! So today will consist of packing, final preparations and then I teach class tonight. Last class before vacation always drags horribly LOL. Here's some pictures for you... Just for the hell of it.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
FYI
Some pictures from recently:
We took Mara out to breakfast on July 20th. She had an egg.
Riverplace marina
Zzzzzzz Mara!
Buddy
The next pics are from my 28th birthday on July 24.
My Zumba class surprised me with a cake (complete with trick candles that re-lit every time I blew them out lol) after class.
My mom and I made my birthday cake later - banana cake with chocolate frosting. All from scratch of course. It was sooooooooo good!
Make a wish!
YUM!!!
My birthday didn't go as planned but I still had a great day!
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
A Memory From Mara's Birth
I was just reading my post "Mara Soleil (birth story)" and I suddenly had a memory come flooding back.
After Mara was born and they had weighed her, washed her, diapered her and put a little shirt on her, they took her off to get an IV in her hand because she needed antibiotics (as did I.) Corky went with her. My nurse, "Natalie" had to rush off to do something. She told me she'd be back in about 10-15 minutes and that I should rest. I couldn't really go anywhere because my legs were still numb from the epidural. Natalie turned off the lights and left.
I remember laying my head back on the pillow and closing my eyes. The quiet of the room was deafening. There was no little "pew pew pew" of the machine monitoring Mara's heartbeat because she was no longer inside me. I had been hearing that sound for the past 24 hours and now it wasn't there. I remember feeling panicked for a second, and reminding myself that she was fine, she was just off getting an IV and that Corky was with her and she would be just fine.
I fell asleep. Not surprising since I had been awake for 37 hours straight at that point. When I woke up, I was still alone in the room. I was in the dark. It took me a little while to figure out where I was, what had happened, and why I couldn't move my legs at all! I didn't know where Mara was, I didn't know where Corky was, I was all alone in the dark and stuck in bed. Freaked me out for a sec! Then I found my phone and went on facebook. LOL!
After Mara was born and they had weighed her, washed her, diapered her and put a little shirt on her, they took her off to get an IV in her hand because she needed antibiotics (as did I.) Corky went with her. My nurse, "Natalie" had to rush off to do something. She told me she'd be back in about 10-15 minutes and that I should rest. I couldn't really go anywhere because my legs were still numb from the epidural. Natalie turned off the lights and left.
I remember laying my head back on the pillow and closing my eyes. The quiet of the room was deafening. There was no little "pew pew pew" of the machine monitoring Mara's heartbeat because she was no longer inside me. I had been hearing that sound for the past 24 hours and now it wasn't there. I remember feeling panicked for a second, and reminding myself that she was fine, she was just off getting an IV and that Corky was with her and she would be just fine.
I fell asleep. Not surprising since I had been awake for 37 hours straight at that point. When I woke up, I was still alone in the room. I was in the dark. It took me a little while to figure out where I was, what had happened, and why I couldn't move my legs at all! I didn't know where Mara was, I didn't know where Corky was, I was all alone in the dark and stuck in bed. Freaked me out for a sec! Then I found my phone and went on facebook. LOL!
Monday, July 20, 2015
Baby steps
Made it til almost 5:30pm today before I had to lie down. Getting a bit stronger every day. I think I might survive!!!
Here's a few pics for ya...
At the maritime museum in Astoria, OR.
July 12, 2015
Mara and daddy at rogue brewery
Sharing a yogurt with grandma (grandma got like 1 bite lol)
How we nurse around here!
Mara with my bestie (R) and PEPPER VON!!! July 19, 2015.
Spaghetti!! Yum!
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Unwell
I'm here.
Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been pretty unwell. Dizzy, headachy, weak and actually fainted. Doctors diagnosis: exhaustion.
Apparently, it's a thing. I'll write again when I have a little extra energy and can function again. Please don't forget about me!!!
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Playing in the Laundry Basket (and a rant)
The title of this post promises Mara pictures. They're coming. But first.........
Okay. So. I feel so incredibly discombobulated that I can't even figure out how to start this blog post. It feels funny to be writing it because I'm typing it on the actual computer! Like, with all of my fingertips, not just my thumbs on my phone!
The basic point, in case you don't read any further, is this: I am having trouble.
Not physical trouble... yet. Well, maybe a little bit. But not so much physically as mentally. Like before, the struggle between wanting to restrict and drop weight and wanting to keep eating to keep my supply up is raging madly away inside my head. Of course, there really is no choice. I will eat and keep my supply up, so don't you worry. But it's HARD! I know I say this often but it really is.
Actually, this leads me to a thought I hadn't planned on blogging about, but I'm going to.
As you probably know, I have a YouTube channel. There is a tab at the top of the blog where you can find it and view my videos. I have hundreds up. One of my latest videos, which I made back in January, was called "Anorexia and Breastfeeding". (Click HERE to watch Anorexia and Breastfeeding). Recently I noticed I had received a few comments on it that I hadn't read. I read them and was very shocked.
I had 2 comments that, essentially, were telling me that I am doing Mara a great disservice by having an eating disorder and that my eating habits are "unhealthy" and that said eating habits are going to rub off on her. You can read the comments for yourself. But I was really surprised.
First of all, on the great disservice I'm doing my daughter by having an eating disorder: DUH!!!!!!! I'm not doing myself any favors with it either! But it's not like I wake up every morning thinking, "oh I think I'll keep my eating disorder around today and f*ck everybody else who is affected by it."
Second of all, did they even WATCH the rest of the video? Without watching it back, I can't imagine that I would have gone on to say, "I'm not eating and restricting like crazy and working out like a crazy person...." because simply I am not doing that! I do eat! I eat plenty! Judging by the fact that Mara has been above the 90th percentile for weight and off the charts for height her entire life, I must be eating enough nutrients to make my breast milk pretty damn high octane. Yes I work out. I am a fitness instructor! I work out for my job! (Although as of late I've been adding more and more workouts but that's another story for another post.)
Furthermore, I eat in front of my daughter. Every single day. Many times per day. I understand fully that this little person spends 95% of her day with me and is looking to me for examples of how to maneuver in this world. If I don't teach her to eat, to physically pick up food and put it in her mouth, who will? She is watching me all the time! She mimics me in almost everything I do. She knows how to swipe through my pictures on my phone, for heaven's sake! Seven. Months. Old. I set good examples for my girl. I eat healthy food, drink lots of water, wash my hands, and so on. I don't know where people are getting the idea that my bad eating habits will rub off on Mara because she isn't seeing any bad eating habits.
I was surprised by the comments. Most of the comments I get are so supportive but I didn't feel that way about these. Kind of sucked. Oh well, what can ya do!
Anyway, sorry for all that rambling. I didn't intend to go that direction with this post but.... there you go. Here are the pictures I promised at the beginning.
Okay. So. I feel so incredibly discombobulated that I can't even figure out how to start this blog post. It feels funny to be writing it because I'm typing it on the actual computer! Like, with all of my fingertips, not just my thumbs on my phone!
The basic point, in case you don't read any further, is this: I am having trouble.
Not physical trouble... yet. Well, maybe a little bit. But not so much physically as mentally. Like before, the struggle between wanting to restrict and drop weight and wanting to keep eating to keep my supply up is raging madly away inside my head. Of course, there really is no choice. I will eat and keep my supply up, so don't you worry. But it's HARD! I know I say this often but it really is.
Actually, this leads me to a thought I hadn't planned on blogging about, but I'm going to.
As you probably know, I have a YouTube channel. There is a tab at the top of the blog where you can find it and view my videos. I have hundreds up. One of my latest videos, which I made back in January, was called "Anorexia and Breastfeeding". (Click HERE to watch Anorexia and Breastfeeding). Recently I noticed I had received a few comments on it that I hadn't read. I read them and was very shocked.
I had 2 comments that, essentially, were telling me that I am doing Mara a great disservice by having an eating disorder and that my eating habits are "unhealthy" and that said eating habits are going to rub off on her. You can read the comments for yourself. But I was really surprised.
First of all, on the great disservice I'm doing my daughter by having an eating disorder: DUH!!!!!!! I'm not doing myself any favors with it either! But it's not like I wake up every morning thinking, "oh I think I'll keep my eating disorder around today and f*ck everybody else who is affected by it."
Second of all, did they even WATCH the rest of the video? Without watching it back, I can't imagine that I would have gone on to say, "I'm not eating and restricting like crazy and working out like a crazy person...." because simply I am not doing that! I do eat! I eat plenty! Judging by the fact that Mara has been above the 90th percentile for weight and off the charts for height her entire life, I must be eating enough nutrients to make my breast milk pretty damn high octane. Yes I work out. I am a fitness instructor! I work out for my job! (Although as of late I've been adding more and more workouts but that's another story for another post.)
Furthermore, I eat in front of my daughter. Every single day. Many times per day. I understand fully that this little person spends 95% of her day with me and is looking to me for examples of how to maneuver in this world. If I don't teach her to eat, to physically pick up food and put it in her mouth, who will? She is watching me all the time! She mimics me in almost everything I do. She knows how to swipe through my pictures on my phone, for heaven's sake! Seven. Months. Old. I set good examples for my girl. I eat healthy food, drink lots of water, wash my hands, and so on. I don't know where people are getting the idea that my bad eating habits will rub off on Mara because she isn't seeing any bad eating habits.
I was surprised by the comments. Most of the comments I get are so supportive but I didn't feel that way about these. Kind of sucked. Oh well, what can ya do!
Anyway, sorry for all that rambling. I didn't intend to go that direction with this post but.... there you go. Here are the pictures I promised at the beginning.
with instagram filter
funny girl!
lookin' like her daddy!
Monday, July 6, 2015
July 5th Pictures
I had a kodak moment.... and it lasted all day long. Lol! Some snapshots of life.
How Mara likes to drink her morning bottles.... upside down. Right when I took this picture, corky texted me asking how Mara was. I sent him the pic and responded, "very laid back!" ;)
Mara chewed on a book while we waited for my mom to come over so we could go for a walk. Her unibrow in the 2nd picture cracks me up!
These next 2 were taken at the park we walked to:
90F in the shade.... OMG.
When corky got home, we went and got breakfast/lunch and then to a farmers market. The weather was stupid hot. 100+ degrees fahrenheit. And the sun was beating down. It was crazy!!! We took a rest in the shade where Mara has a bottle.
(She's wearing pants to keep her legs from burning. In case you wondered.)
We went to Corky's mom & stepdads house to watch the USA vs Japan women's World Cup game. Mara got to hang out with her uncle. She had a ball.
And lastly... Here is Jax begging for some of Corky's nachos (which he did not get any of)
It was a pretty epic day!
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Sneaky July
The sly month of July snuck up on me. I was so busy the last weekend of June that I found myself surprised to be flipping over the calendar yesterday! Another month has come and gone and here we are in my birthday month again. I don't even know what I'm going to do for my birthday, if I even do anything at all! It's on a Friday so I'll be teaching Zumba that morning and Corky will be at work. My one bestie will be out of town that whole weekend so if I'm going to celebrate with her it'll have to be the weekend before since the weekend after my birthday I'll be out of town. We'll see. Maybe I won't do anything. That requires energy that I just don't possess in any useful quantity.
I feel like I might not make it 1 year nursing. Not because of nursing itself but because of pumping. For whatever reason, my body works in this weird way where I have to get up in the middle of the night and pump or else my supply will drop. And I'm just so TIRED!!! Not to mention the whole eating thing. Sometimes I kind of feel like I'm going crazy. It must be lack of sleep catching up with me after 7+ months of not getting enough/restful sleep. I haven't slept more than 3 hours straight since November. I'm missing important deep sleep cycles. I almost never dream.
Astoria, Oregon weekend after next. Yay! I love Astoria! Should be fun!
Honeybug.
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