Are We THERE Yet????

The time has flown by.  Really... it has.  I can't believe it's already November 5th (the end of November 5th, I might add!)  But "waiting is the hardest part" is such a true statement it's not even funny.

Currently I feel:
-Fat (and anyone who says "fat is not a feeling" is fucking wrong, I'm sorry)
-Impatient
-Excited
-Grateful
-Frustrated
-Anxious
and
-Sad

Not in that order necessarily.

The fat feeling... well... I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant.  I think that's pretty self-explanatory.  Nothing fits, everything looks weird and wrong on me, my feet and hands are slightly swollen which just adds to the feeling... I know, I know, #firstworldproblems but it is not easy.  That's just the reality.

Impatient.  That one should be self-explanatory too.  I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant! Just want to meet this little baby already!

The excitement goes along with the impatience.  I can't wait to see Mara.  Who will she look like?  What will her personality be like?  Will I love her right away or will I have to get to know her?  Of course I love her already but will I be IN love with her right away?  And perhaps the most important question right now: when will her birthday be??

I am so, so, so grateful because I know how lucky I am to even be pregnant in the first place.  There are plenty of women out there who long to be mothers but, for whatever reason, aren't able to conceive naturally.  Then they have to go through a lot of unpleasant, stressful, expensive things to try to get pregnant.  And sometimes that doesn't even work!  Doctors told me for a long time that I'd never be able to have children, probably.  Not only did I get pregnant, but I got pregnant fast.  Clearly, little Mara was meant to be with us because here she is now, despite her rocky start, at 37 weeks 4 days, strong and kicking, healthy as can be (as far as we know.)

Frustrated.  I feel frustrated because I can't do the things I usually do.  I haven't been to the gym in like 3 weeks now, maybe more.  Everything tires me out.  The hormones make me snappy and irritable sometimes.  Mostly I'm just frustrated because I want to be done being pregnant, but there's no way to know when that is going to happen.  Every day that goes by with no sign of labor, I get a little more frustrated.  Oh well, I'm near the end anyway.

The anxious feeling has mostly to do with labor.  For those of you reading this who've never been pregnant, imagine being blindfolded and knowing that someone is going to hit you.  You don't know what they're going to hit you with (it could be a feather or a baseball bat) and, perhaps most importantly, you don't know when they're going to hit you.  You just know it's coming.  That's what it feels like waiting for labor to start.  I know it's going to hurt like nothing I've ever experienced, and I know things are going to get harder before they get easier, but yet I find myself wishing for it.  Just to get it over with, because I know it'll be SO worth it.

And sad.... oh sad.  I feel sad because I miss certain things about my life pre-pregnancy.  It doesn't mean I want to go back or undo anything.  For example, I miss having a stomach with no stretch marks.  I miss having a waist!  I miss weighing less, to be honest with you.  But it's not that bad because Mara is worth every single fucking pound I've gained, every single stretch mark on my stomach.  I know she is worth it.  But I still feel sad.  That's allowed, isn't it?

At any rate, whatever day Mara decides to come, I'm almost done.  I've been counting down since around the "6 month to go" mark, and now my due date is in 17 days.  That's really no time at all.