The Picture

I'm sure other moms out there can relate to this: you take a picture of your kid and look at it and go, "oh my god... that's MY KID!"  Whether or not they are your biological offspring, there's that moment where you look at them and think to yourself that you can't believe they're yours!  Obviously people aren't property. But you know what I mean.  

I had that mommy moment this morning.  I dressed Mara up in a cute little onesie, "jeans" (jeggings) and socks and plopped her into her boppy pillow and took a snapshot.  She is just so PRETTY!  Never in my life have I loved anyone so much!! 

Little bugs grow so fast. <3 have a good weekend!!! xoxo

2 Months

Happy 2 month birthday to my little stinkbug!! This time 2 months ago I had a  2-hour-old... Now I have a 2 MONTH old!! I love her so much! 

Mara laughing at mommy at Starbucks. (Her cuteness just about killed me.)

Mara & her owl :)

Big yawn!

Pictures.... again!

Sorry about it LOL. 

Obsessed!!!!!

Mara loves her auntie Glenna, didn't you know?

Lol!!!!!!

CHEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Feeling Desperate

Sorry for the trigger-iness of this post.  I'm having such a hard time!!!!

I'm feeling so desperate.  I just feel like there's a layer of fat all over me that I can't get rid of and it's exacerbated by me being hungry ALL THE TIME!!! Everyone keeps saying, "listen to your body. You're nursing a baby, blah blah blah" but honestly all I want is for the fat to go away.  Never mind whether anyone else can SEE said fat (I know, I know, I sound insane)... I can see it and feel it and I want it OFF!!! 

Everyone, please meet my eating disorder, if you're not already acquainted!!

Part of me (guess which part!) just wants to quit breastfeeding and switch to formula so I don't have to eat anymore.  Formula wouldn't hurt Mara but breast is best.  Of course I won't actually quit but sometimes I want to!  Besides the eating thing, the pain is horrendous. 

I got the Mirena IUD in yesterday. TMI probably but the insertion was no big deal.  Pretty painless and over in less than 5 minutes.  I felt crampy the rest of the day but this morning I'm so far feeling fine. 

Here's a few new pics of my bug :) 

Mara and me at Zumba :) 1/15/15

My sweet bug!!! Smiling at her mommy :)

Mara and my dad.

Trying to take selfies with Mara but she wasn't having it and I was cracking up! 

She's going to be taller than me in a week at this rate! 

"Mom stop... you're weird."

Mara loves her auntie (who gave her this totally appropriate onesie!!) 

FeetHeart

Sneak preview of Mara's baby photoshoot today :)

Look at those little piggies!!

Quiet

I don't have much to say... I just felt like I should post something.

I'm really missing my "old" body.  My pre-pregnancy body.  My post-pregnancy body isn't really that bad... I just miss not having stretch marks and saggy skin on my belly.  That's allowed, right?  I wouldn't undo it because then I wouldn't have Mara.  Love her!!

In other, unrelated news, I applied to a big gym today (for teaching Zumba.)  I really need some more Zumba jobs so I'm really hoping they'll hire me.  My bestie works there already and she said she'll put in a good word for me.  It's a big chain gym so this could be really good.

This whole post has been typed with one hand because I'm holding the electric breast pump with the other.  LOL!!! Didn't you know that the word Mom is an acronym?  Master Of Multitasking.

Have a great week! xo

Frustrated!!!

Well hello again.  Been a while since I wrote a post on an actual computer with real fonts and colors and everything!  ***Trigger warning*** Just so you know.

I feel so incredibly fat.  I'm sorry, whoever said "fat is not a feeling" is incorrect.  Everything just feels and looks big to me.  I don't understand!  Other people can eat a burger and fries once in a while and ice cream sometimes and chocolate now and again and not really gain weight.  I really NEVER eat those things and yet I perceive I'm gaining weight.  My idea of dessert is a bowl of bran flakes with a banana!  The "worst" thing I ever eat is peanut butter!  In terms of calories anyway.  Sometimes I eat some of Corky's cereal (usually sugary) but not much, and I eat it in a small glass instead of a bowl.  I drink only non fat milk and eat non fat yogurt.  What the hell, man??

The trouble is I don't know what's in my head and what's real.  This whole being super hungry from breastfeeding thing is really messing with my mind.  I'm hungry almost ALL the time!  It's AWFUL!!!!  I tried cutting out grains from my diet but that didn't work because I need the energy that they give.  I've been going to the gym 4+ times per week but I don't feel like I'm seeing the results I hoped for.  This really terrifies me.

My stomach looks huge.  There's still a lump left over.  It seems like my uterus is still sticking out a bit.  It's weird.  I don't like it.

I'm sorry.... I really don't mean for this post to be so complain-y... I'm just really having a hard time!  

On the plus side, Mara is doing great!  She's over 12 pounds now and about 23 inches long.  She has a voracious appetite (and I have a voracious appetite making milk to feed her voracious appetite! lol) and sleeps great.  Last night she slept 6 and a half hours at a time!  Freaked me out, but she was fine.  Just sleepy.

Speaking of sleepy, my eyes are having trouble staying open.  

Good night!!! xoxo

If You're Happy and You Know It...

On Sunday (January 4th) Corky and I went on a date to the movies while his mom watched Mara.  While there, during the pre-movie "show", I saw the new WeightWatchers commercial.  I'm typing this from the blogger app on my phone so I can't insert a link like I would do in a regular post, but if you type in "weightwatchers commercial 2014" on YouTube you'll find it.  It's the spin-off of If You're Happy and You Know It.

When I saw that commercial, I was horrified.  I had a typical Kate-style reaction to it: it pissed me off!  In my defense, once it was over, Corky looked at me and said, "What the hell...?" Not only was it horrifying but it just went on and on and ON, or so it seemed!  It was really probably only a minute or so but it seemed like forever.  

Later on I texted my friend about it.  I told her to watch it and she did.  She found it distasteful to say the least!  In her mind it was mainly because it seems like WeightWatchers corporation is being a big bully.  Making fun of people who have emotional problems surrounding food.  People who emotional eat.  Which, by the way, is a precursor to (if not an entire) eating disorder!  NOT FUNNY GUYS!!! Your jingle may be catchy but it's flat out disrespectful!

Okay now... the million dollar question for me: WHY did I have a reaction like that? I don't really have a problem with "eating my feelings." More like NOT eating my feelings!  So why did I react so strongly?  It took me until the next morning to realize that it's because that commercial scared the shit out of me!!  It's a reminder that this IS something that happens to people and I'm "people" so it could happen to ME!  Losing control with food scares me more than anything in the world (except for something happening to my daughter or husband) and this commercial was a full 60+ seconds of reminder that this very thing happens to people ALL THE TIME and what makes me so special that I should be spared?  It definitely put me on guard. 

If you have seen the commercial, or if you watch it now, leave a comment and tell me what you think! 

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!! xoxo

I Have A Toddler-Blog!

If my blog were a person, it'd be a toddler.  It's just a little over 2 years old!  Oh my god, how things have changed in just 2 years!! But to avoid this turning into one of those obnoxious "farewell 2014" posts, I'll not continue with that particular train of thought. 

Things are fine here for the most part.  Thank you to everyone who left sweet comments on my post before last (called "Gym").  I know I tend to be my own worst enemy when it comes to black-and-white thinking.  I can't help that (I've tried) so your reassuring words helped. 

I don't have much else to say so here are some pictures to finish out. 

Mara making faces at my mom and me.

I want nails like these!!!!! So rad!!!

Mara's cute lil butt ;)

My friend and me post Zumba on 12/30/14. She calls me Lupé, I call her Gretchen.  Obviously neither are our actual names!  

Selfie at midnight on NYE.  Everyone else was already asleep, even the bulldogs! 

Yes, yes it will.