Having Some Trouble

Nothing is really wrong... I just haven't felt great about myself lately.  Not TERRIBLE, but just.... not great.  

It seems like I'm getting triggered by everything under the sun.  

I feel guilty for eating, guilty for not working out harder, guilty for feeling this way knowing that my daughter is watching my every move.

I feel as though I should be embracing my body for what it can do and what it has done, but all I can focus on is how I wish I had less fat here or there, or that my thighs were smaller, or my arms were less flabby, or that my stomach wasn't as sticky-out as it is.

This might be stemming from something that happened on Tuesday when I was teaching my Aqua Fit class.  I had the class going around the edges of the pool (doing the "whirlpool") when one of the ladies asked, as she passed me, The Question.

"When's your baby due?"  

Pause.  
My brain went oh no.  Not again.  Because there are several things about this situation that I hate.  1) It obviously means I look pregnant to a degree and 2) when I tell her that I'm not she's going to be all apologetic and shit, and feel bad, and it's going to be awkward.  It always is.

And it was.

And I had to pretend like it was really no big deal, and explain that I have diastasis recti and that's why my stomach sticks out, and I also have a hernia behind my bellybutton which is why it sticks out also.  A lot of time people assume I'm pregnant because my bellybutton sticks out as it did when I was.

But then she said, "oh I didn't notice the bellybutton," which indicates that her comment was based solely on the fact that she saw my stomach pooching out.  Awesome.

Anyway... it was awkward and annoying and I wished it hadn't happened.  Since then I haven't felt awesome about myself.  Sigh.  

So here's my PSA:  DO NOT ASK IF SOMEONE IS PREGNANT, AND DO NOT ASSUME THAT SOMEONE IS PREGNANT.  EVER.  EVER.  OKAY??? EVEN IF THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE NINE MONTHS PREGNANT AND ABOUT TO POP, JUST DO NOT ASK.  BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

End rant.