I feel really drained right now. Corky and I had an argument last night. Nothing major, just an argument like couples have, but it was draining and I've felt so beaten down all day. I didn't sleep well either, which doesn't help matters any.
I've always had a hot temper. Always. Ever since I was a little tiny kid. It was kind of funny because as a young child (toddler all the way through elementary school years) I was so different inside than outside. If you had looked at me, you'd have seen this petite little blonde-haired kid with big blue eyes. I was very somber looking as a young child. I was sparing with my smiles. I was not overly social and preferred to hang out close to my parents. I was very active but not a fan of crowds. I didn't like "people", I liked "person." But as soon as someone got me angry about something.... oh man. I had a fiery temper, hotter than any of my friends. Maybe it's the Leo in me but once I get fired up about something, I'm a goner. My fuse is short and it doesn't regenerate fast.
Age 2
eating a cupcake, 3 years old
3 years old, petting a cockatoo in Hawaii
Age 5, end of Kindergarten
6th birthday, July 1993
1st grade, Halloween, age 6
Over the years I've gotten a lot better. My fuse has lengthened (although when it was so short to begin with I guess that's not really saying much). My temper isn't as hot. But it's still there. And there's only so much I can do with it. Sometimes I feel like a failure, especially as a mother, when I can't tame it as well as some people think I should. I do the best I can most of the time. I'm sure I could do better but sometimes there isn't much I can do except hang on for the ride.
Something to think about, for sure.
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