BEDA (Day 11) - R.I.P

My facebook newsfeed is full of sadness and death right now.  It's terrible!  Sometimes I just want to throw my computer and phone out the window, but I can't because I need them!  I deleted my facebook app off my phone, per a suggestion from a friend, so maybe just disconnecting a little for a while will help.  It's just so depressing!

One of the saddest post (okay, actually THE saddest post) was by a friend of mine whom I know from eating disorder treatment in 2010.  I remembered she had gotten married a while ago but I hadn't seen much from her on facebook since.  Well, last night she posted some very chilling words: "We lost the baby."

That brings back extremely vivid memories of a little over a year ago when it looked like that I would miscarry the embryo that ultimately turned out to be Mara.  I remember feeling so ridiculous for being sad because this was an embryo, not a baby after all, but I was sad anyway and I can remember begging the fetus, "Please don't go."

I don't know how far along she was and I don't know why this happened.  Makes me feel incredibly lucky though.  I have no idea whether or not her eating disorder contributed to the loss of her pregnancy or not but it causes me to remember that that could have easily been me.  Regardless of the reason for her miscarriage, I am sooooooo grateful to my body for not letting Mara down.  It could have happened.  It almost did!

Here's a throwback picture of Mara and me, taken in December 2014.  She was like a week or a week and a half old in this picture.  It makes me laugh! Lol

BEDA (Day 10) - We're Moving... Again!

That's the big news around here - we're moving!  Yes, you're right, it does seem like we  just moved here.  That's because we did!  Less than a year ago, on April 19, 2014, we moved into this house and now we're moving out of it.  Probably in about a month or a month and a half.  

The plan is this: my dad, who has decided to dabble in real estate, is going to buy our house from us and rent it out.  It's a pretty desirable area and the house is big (2,082 sq ft) so it should rent well.  With the money from the sale of our house, Corky and I are going to put a down payment on a condo in an area that's much more convenient for both of us.  It's a bit smaller (about 1,500 sq ft) but still has 3 bedrooms and the layout is nice.  This will allow us to save a fair amount of money on mortgage payments.

In addition to this, Corky and I are going to manage the rental property.  My dad is also going to buy another place, either a house or a condo, and rent that out and we'll manage it as well and he'll pay us.  So it all pencils out nicely.

While it would be a stretch to say I'm looking forward to moving, it would not be a stretch to say I'm looking forward to getting out of this area!  There's nothing wrong with this area, per se, it's just pretty inconvenient in terms of commuting.  With the exception of one of my Zumba jobs.  But that's okay.  Yesterday morning it took me nearly 30 minutes to reach a highway!  In fact, it took me longer to reach the damn highway than it did for me to travel 10-12 miles ON that highway, then transfer to the interstate and go about 4 miles on there!  Ridiculous!  I came rushing into my Zumba class with ZERO time to spare.  No fun.

Aside from moving, things are going fine.  My 2nd bout of mastitis seems to be clearing fine, thanks to good old dicloxicillin.  My supply definitely took a hit, on both sides, but I'm hopeful I can get it back up again.  Fenugreek pills are my best friends when it comes to that, even though they make me smell like maple syrup! Lol.

BEDA (Day 9) - Donate

The other day I applied to donate my breast milk.  I make tons, and clearly it's good quality (since Mara is growing like crazy) so why not donate some of it?  

Yesterday, I received an email stating that they had reviewed my application but couldn't use me as a donor because I take fish oil and fenugreek, and not enough studies had been done to know for sure how those supplements affected preemies and NICU babies.  I was like, really?  I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't use any drugs, I'm almost never sick, I've never been to Africa, I have no allergies, and you deny my breast milk because I take fish oil and fenugreek??  Fenugreek is FOR lactation! It's a seed!!!  And you mean to tell me no studies have been done to show whether or not fish oil is good for a developing baby?  That's just crazy.

At any rate, they don't want my breast milk.  Which, like I mentioned just above, I think is crazy.  I posted on facebook, saying as much, and one of my friends read it.  She's pregnant and due in July with a baby girl.  She said that she would be super appreciative if I would donate privately to her since she is unable to breastfeed for medical reasons.  Her son, who is now 4, survived on donated breast milk for the first 10 months of his life.  She said she would be grateful for anything I could give her.

Here's the crazy part: I said "sure!"

No hesitation.
No doubts.
No question.
Just, "sure!"

Am I insane??  Possibly!  I've been saying all this time how I kind of can't wait to quit nursing because I don't want to eat anymore, but here I am, now agreeing to supply as much breast milk as I can for another little baby.  Not MY baby, but a baby still!  How could I have the ability to help and then not do it?  This little baby is a girl, just like Mara.  How could I not help her?  If I was unable to breastfeed Mara for some reason, wouldn't I wish some caring person would come forward and be willing and able to help me feed her the very best, most nutritious food I could possibly feed her?  Of course I would.  So how could I not BE that caring person for someone else when I'm able?

Let's pretend for a second that I believe in God (not saying I don't, just saying I'm not 100% sure what to call what/who I believe in, so we'll just say God for simplification purposes).  God gave me a healthy baby girl.  God gave me a body that, with my help of course, produces really great, high-octane breast milk.  My healthy, growing girl is proof of this.  Not only that, but God gave me a body that makes a surplus of said high-octane milk!  Knowing what I know, this is a call to help.  There is almost no reason that things should have gone as smoothly for me as they have (knock on wood), given what all my doctors always said.  God blessed me with a mostly smooth, very healthy pregnancy and the best daughter I could ever dream of.  I owe it to God and the world to help out when I can.  I can pay it forward that much.  It's the least I can do.

So I'll be continuing to keep my supply up and help my friend build her freezer stash before the baby is born sometime in July (a good month.  My birthday is in July too!).  Mara will be 8 months old in July.  Wow. That's crazy to imagine!  Little bug is growing up so fast!

Baby's first ponytail :)

4.8.15

BEDA (Day 8) - Whirlpool

I guess I've taken to doing my BEDA posts in the middle of the night when I'm awake for being a dairy cow -- oh, I mean pumping. Lol!  Seriously, now I understand how those Alpenrose cows feel.  Man, it's hard work!  Anyway.

Last night I taught my Aqua Fit class at LA Fitness.  Apparently I'm good at teaching Aqua Fit - who knew??  I had 30 people in class!  For anyone who has done Aqua Fit at LA Fitness, you know how small the pool is.  30 people is a lot!

Typically, I have the class go back and forth, the long way, in the pool for a warm up, but with 30 people that would've been a little challenging.  (Later in class I did have them going that way, because I wasn't going to do the whole 50 minutes with them standing in one place!  I just told them to be careful and stagger themselves and it actually worked out fine.)  So I had to come up with something else to do to warm them up.

With no time left before the start of class, I was running out of stalling techniques!  

"Good evening!" I called out, marching in place on the pool deck.  "Welcome to Aqua Fit! My name is Kate."

What the heck am I going to use to warm them up? I was thinking. I checked my watch.  6:00.

Then I remembered something I'd heard about from another instructor one time but had never tried: the whirlpool.

"Everybody to the edges of the pool!  All 4 sides!"

Everyone went to the edges and looked up at me expectantly.   I am going to take this opportunity to mention that I HATE the fact that they look at me from below!  Obviously, it can't be helped, but I just know I have double chins when you look at me from that angle!  But I digress.

"Move counter-clockwise around the pool, at a walk!"  I waved my arms in the air, shooing people in the direction I wanted them to go.  They all started walking around the perimeter of the pool, counter-clockwise.  After about 30 seconds I told them to pick up the pace to a jog.

After about a minute and a half of them jogging counter-clockwise, I could see the water whirling around.  It was like the pool was a huge cauldron and it was being stirred by all these people running around the edge.

"In TEN!  NINE!  EIGHT!...." I counted down.  "TURN AROUND!! OTHER WAY!  RUN RUN RUN!"

The people instantly turned around...... and were nearly swept away by the rushing water!  Everyone was laughing and shouting, trying to run against the current.  It was so funny!  I was cracking up on the deck.  I had never seen the whirlpool done before, only heard about it, and the result was hilarious.  A bunch of personal trainers were at their desks on the other side of the windows and they were amused too.

After another minute or two of jogging in the opposite direction, I turned them around again!  This time, some people hung onto the walls to keep from floating backwards.  Others just flailed and fought in the current.  Everyone was smiling and laughing, and I got good feedback after class about it.  

I do actually love teaching Aqua Fit.  Didn't see that coming, but I do!  :)

BEDA (Day 7) - Picture Parade

Some pics. 

Mara getting her feet :) 

Practicing her selfies ;) lol

Lol!! 

64oz of liquid gold saved up! 

Dutch Bros, April 4th.

The disaster part, absolutely! Not sure about the rest! 

My biggie girl

My hair is growing!! 

Sweet Jax, 4/6/15

BEDA (Day 6) - Not Again!

Last night I felt the familiar tingling of pain in my boob again.... mastitis!  The pain progressed as the evening went on and by the time I was headed home from my parents' house after the Passover Seder I knew I was in trouble again.  This time it's the other side!  This is really bad news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My supply on the left side took a major hit from the last bout of mastitis in mid-March, and still hasn't fully recovered.  I've got a ravenous kid who eats often and I cannot afford to have another dip in supply!  So I've got to be really diligent about pumping and taking extra fenugreek (yay for my armpits smelling like maple syrup!)

To be honest, this whole breastfeeding thing has just been one problem after another.  But I love nursing Mara.  The bonding experience is one of my favorite things about being a mom.  Seeing her settle right down as soon as she latches on is the best feeling!  Plus her little face is just so cute when she nurses.  Oftentimes she falls asleep while nursing and I love that it makes her feel so comfortable and content that she can just drift off.... The other day she bumped her head on my collarbone and started crying.  I was rubbing the spot on her head that she hit, and she started tugging at my shirt, asking to nurse.  It was the sweetest thing!

If I continue having problems with mastitis, I'm afraid I'll have to stop nursing.  That would be bad for 2 reasons.  1) I actually love nursing even though it's been a total pain (literally) since the start and 2) while I'm not anti-formula, breastmilk is what's best for Mara because my body literally made it tailored to her needs.  Formula is fine, but breastmilk is ideal.  And formula makes her gassy :(

However, if I did stop nursing there would be a few pros too.  1) Don't have to worry about needing to pump or nurse every few hours to avoid engorgement/pain. 2) Much more convenient to just put formula in a bottle than it is to have to heat up frozen breastmilk and, perhaps most important to my ED, 3) I don't have to eat to keep my supply up!  Ugh!  Why does it have to be so tempting to my freaking ED?  Of course I would never stop just for those reasons.  If I stop early there has to be a damn good reason for it.  6 months is my current goal.  Almost to 4 and a half, so I've done pretty well!

BEDA - Blogger fail! (Day 5)

I tried several times to post this yesterday (Sunday) from my phone but the blogger app wasn't working!  And the day was very busy so by the time I got home I didn't have time/energy to post it using the computer!

But since it's now 2:40am and I'm awake pumping (as usual), I have time.  So I'll copy and paste here what I wrote yesterday:

Easter/Passover

Sometimes the Jewish holidays and the Christian holidays overlap.  This past year, Christmas fell during Hanukkah.  Now, Easter falls during Passover.  Weird.  Passover started at sundown on Friday.

This morning we went to Corky's mom's house for Easter, mainly so that she could give Mara her Easter basket.  We had food and coffee too.  Then this evening we went to my parents' house for a Seder!  Which isn't too scary because it's pretty much just like a normal meal except you have matzah and haroset with it, but it's not like a humongous thing like Thanksgiving is!  And the food we had for Easter breakfast was pretty small too so it wasn't a terrifying day.

Mara behaved herself pretty well at both places.  By the time Corky took her home to put her to bed it was past her bedtime and she was getting cranky.  But she went to sleep fine and is still sleeping now, sweet little thing!

So that's what I wrote yesterday.  Kind of a random little post, but there it is.