BEDA (Day 22) - WTF

Last night before going to bed, I read this article:

http://mic.com/articles/116084/the-kylie-jenner-lip-challenge-is-literally-disfiguring-teenagers

And all I can say is What the F*ck???

What is wrong with people??

BEDA (Day 21) - Judged

Yesterday I went across the street to the shopping center to go to Great Clips.  I needed to get a trim for my hair and a few layers cut into it.  Corky was home with Mara so I took off for an hour.  As I was leaving, he asked me to run to Dairy Queen on my way and get him some french fries, which I agreed to do.

Next to my neighborhood and across the street from the shopping center is a middle school.  School was just getting out for the day as I finished at Great Clips and walked to Dairy Queen, and when I got there it was choked with teenagers.  Yikes!

I went in, stood in line, ordered the french fries for Corky, paid and waited for them to call my number.  

As I stood there, I could feel my face getting warm.  It felt like everyone was judging me.  I felt so ashamed, for some reason, for ordering french fries even though they weren't for me.  I do not understand why I felt this way!  The lady who took my order didn't even bat an eye at the words that I said.  She just rang me up, handed me my change and receipt and said, "You're number 134."

As for all the patrons, well... I'm sure they didn't even notice me.  It's not that I'm so full of myself that I think everyone notices or cares, it's just my eating disorder freaking out and making me feel ashamed about food.  The french fries weren't for me but nobody knew that.  But even if they were, so what?? All those people are there for food too and I'm not judging them!  So if they were judging me  for being there for the same reason, then that would make them hypocrites and who cares what hypocrites have to say!

It's kind of the same reason I often cannot eat by myself in a restaurant.  I'd have to be pretty damn hungry to order something in a restaurant by myself.  In fact, I'm not sure I've ever done it (at a real, sit-down restaurant I mean.)  I don't even do it at Starbucks very often!  Getting a coffee by myself at Starbucks is one thing but food is another.  If I had Mara with me it would be easier because if, heaven forbid, anyone did look at me and decide to judge me, at least they would see that I have a baby.  Then they might think, oh, she has a baby.  She has to eat because she's probably nursing, but even if she's not, well, babies take a lot of energy so that's okay then.  When in reality, I'm sure nobody even thinks about it at all!

But if I'm by myself and eating something, I feel like people would look at me and think I'm weak and piggish for eating.  It's so ridiculous because nobody cares at all but my eating disorder makes me feel like everyone is criticizing me.  Sigh!  

I never said it made sense!

BEDA (Day 20) - Astoria Pictures

IOkay first let me start by saying I do NOT want to take the dogs on vacation again! They just lick and smack in their pen constantly and make me want to scream.  They're doing it right now and I can't say "Shh!" at them because Mara is asleep, but I'm stuck to the breast pump so I can't get away! I HATE IT!!!! Okay, moving on.

Yesterday we woke up nice and early. I had barely slept, but I'm used to that! We had breakfast in the hotel (mmm, coffee!) and then loaded Mara into the stroller and went for a walk with the dogs on the riverfront. 

The fog was rad!

You can hear all these sea lions from the hotel. They sound so funny!  I got video of them, check out my Instagram to see it.  Anyway, the sea lions were climbing all over each other and barking.

Literally every square foot of this dock was covered with sea lions! 

(I look like I have no neck!)

Panoramic view from the pier.

A few more pics from the walk.

After that we went back to the hotel, I fed Mara, and then we headed off to the Astoria Column.  It's basically just a huge lighthouse without the light, and you can climb up and see really far. It was a beautiful day and perfect for this.

Stinkbug and daddy, ready to climb!

After climbing the 164 steps (one way!) like bosses, we hopped back in the car (where the dogs were waiting - don't worry, it was very shaded and they weren't even panting!) and drove across this giant bridge to Washington where we went to Cape Disappointment.  What kind of a name is that?!  Anyway, there's a lighthouse (this time WITH a light!) that's supposedly haunted by the ghost of a lady who committed suicide by jumping off the cliff. We hiked up to it with the dogs and Mara of course. 

I didn't take quite as many pics for this part because my phone was almost dead.

After this we went back to the hotel again, ate lunch (at like 2pm) and Mara had a short nap.  

We decided to go to Seaside and check out the outlet mall really quick.  I really want this pair of Nike shoes but I am not spending $85 on myself!  So after that we went into downtown Seaside for dinner.  I didn't get any pics of this but we went to this restaurant called Pig'n Pancake.  It's basically a breakfast place that has other food, but serves breakfast all day kind of diner style.  I had an omelette which was served with a bean muffin bigger than my head (you can be sure I didn't finish it!). We also had ice cream. 

But the really fun part of that trip was taking Mara to the Carousel Mall and taking her on her first carousel ride!  Corky had a hard time getting decent pictures as we whizzed by. Lol!

Before we came to Astoria, Corky wanted to watch The Goonies with me because it was apparently filmed at a house here.  Imagine our surprise to discover that not only was our hotel within walking distance of the house, but you can actually SEE it from the parking lot! 

Astoria is a fun little city.  I'm so glad we came - I had never been here before!  And Mara is a pretty great little traveler! 

BEDA (Day 19) - Astoria, OR

Last night, after Corky got off work, we loaded up the car and took off for Astoria, Oregon with Mara and the bulldogs. 

 It's about a 2 hour drive and Mara slept the whole way.  She didn't make a peep until we pulled into the load/unload zone at the hotel, at which point Jax whined and scared her awake and she screamed. 

So it's been an interesting night though, sharing a room with a baby and 2 bulldogs.  We ended up with a room with 2 queen sized beds, which is not too bad except Corky is a big guy and has a tendency to sleep flat on his back with all 4 limbs stretched straight out like a starfish.  So I spent the night (after pumping sitting on the bathroom floor to avoid waking the baby) all curled up basically in one corner of the bed.  

When we got into the room, I went over to the window to check out the view... but there wasn't much of one!  All I saw was a chain link fence and a railroad track.  But I heard a sound... could it be? I opened the window just to be sure.  Yes, I was hearing sea lions! "Are? Are! Are!" 

I laughed. I couldn't help it!  They just sound so ridiculous! 

Anyway Corky snored all night (and is still snoring now at 6:12 am) so I didn't sleep well.  Or much at all. Great.  I'm going to go sit on the bathroom floor and pump again because I skipped my 3am pumping session and I feel like I'm going to explode. Eek!!! Pictures and the end of our Astoria trip in tomorrow's BEDA! 

xoxo 

Houston, we have teeth! 

BEDA (Day 18) - Pitasha

This is a story that my parents used to tell me when I was little.  I think it was one that my dad's parents originally told, but I'm not positive.  I'm pretty sure it's an old Russian story that parents told their kids to get them to bathe.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Pitasha and he HATED to take a bath.  Pitasha's mother tried everything she could think of to get her son to bathe but he just kept refusing.

"Pitasha!" His mother cried.  "You are so dirty!  It's time to take a bath!"

"No!" Sang Pitasha.  "I won't take a bath."  And he ran off to play outside.

Pitasha's mother followed him.  "If you don't take a bath, the garbage man is going to mistake you for garbage and take you to the dump!" She warned.  But Pitasha did not believe her.

One day, Pitasha was out playing on the curb next to the trash.  It was garbage night.  Pitasha's mother called him in for the night, but Pitasha was not done playing.  After his mother went to bed, he sneaked back out to play some more.  The moon rose high in the sky, and Pitasha grew sleepy.  He decided to lay down just for a minute to rest his eyes.  Pitasha fell fast asleep on the grass beside the curb.

Pitasha was so soundly asleep that he did not hear the garbage truck coming.  The garbage man looked along the curb and saw lots of dirty garbage.  He picked it all up and put it in the back of his big garbage truck.  All of it - including Pitasha!

It was dark and smelly when Pitasha woke up.  "Hey!" Cried Pitasha.  "Where am I?"  He realized he was in the back of a garbage truck.  "Help! Help!" Pitasha screamed.  "I'm not garbage! I'm a little boy!  Please don't take me to the dump!"

Inside the cab of the truck, the driver suddenly thought he heard banging and screaming.  He stopped the truck and was astonished to find Pitasha in the back of his truck.

"You are so dirty, I thought you were garbage!" Exclaimed the garbage man.  At once he turned the truck around and took Pitasha home.

Pitasha's mother was shocked and relieved when the garbage man delivered Pitasha home.  And even thought it was the middle of the night, she drew a nice, hot bath for Pitasha.  He got in without a peep, and never skipped his baths again.

BEDA (Day 17) - Homeless

Because we weren't already underslept enough.....

This morning at about 12:45am, I was ripped out of sleep by an awful, shrill, piercing alarm and a voice saying "Fire!  Fire!"  I flew out of bed and ran down the hall to Mara's room, Corky right behind me.  Just as I reached Mara's room, the alarm stopped.  Corky searched the whole house but found no fire.  Ten minutes later, Mara was just about asleep and it went off again.  This happened twice more and then, the last time, the carbon monoxide detector went off too.  I had had enough.  We threw some extra diapers in the diaper bag, I grabbed the breast pump, my purse and the dogs, we loaded up Mara and drove off to find a hotel at 1:50am.

Well, of course that couldn't be easy either!  Columbia Sportswear, which is based here, is having a huge event this weekend so naturally every single hotel in the area is booked solid.  Not one room available anywhere except the crappy motels (and frankly i would rather sleep in the car!)

Fortunately for us, my parents and my sister are in Las Vegas for the weekend so their house is empty... and I have a key! I called them at 2 o'clock in the morning. My poor mom could hardly understand what I was saying.   So anyway here we are.  This will be weird because I haven't spent a night here since I moved out for the last time in 2009. 

The fire alarm is one thing.  You go look everywhere and if there's no fire then there's no fire.  You can see, smell and feel fire.  Carbon monoxide has no smell and no taste.  You can't see it.  I couldn't risk it; we had to leave. 

Corky is attempting to get Mara to sleep on this little makeshift bed I made for her on the floor.  I'm sitting at the kitchen table pumping.  The dogs are running around maniacally, sniffing everything.  My mom's dog, Bettina, is at a kennel for the weekend.  I laughed imagining how weirded out she'll be to come home and smell Abby and Jax on everything here.

As we drove away from our house, I had a fleeting afterthought. Damn, I mused. I forgot to turn off the timer on the coffee pot.  Oh well. At least we'll have coffee when we get home!  Who do you call about this sort of thing?? I don't even know! 

BEDA (Day 16) - Sleep Regression/Teething

It was one of those things that I was warned was coming but that I was desperately hoping Mara would skip: the dreaded sleep regression.  Basically, at around 4-5 months of age, babies (and therefore their parents) experience a change in their sleep cycles.  Prior to this, babies sleep cycles were very different than adults.  We go through stages of sleep, ranging from hypnagogia (half asleep state where you startle awake) to deep REM sleep.  Before age 4-5 months, babies only had deep sleep.  At that point, their brains develop to the point where they have lighter and deeper sleep cycles, which will remain for the rest of their lives.  Now they wake up and don't know how to get back to sleep - hence the crying every few hours.  They don't know how to self-soothe.  I need to do some research on how best to help Mara.  There are several methods, I just need to find the one that is best for us.

In the meantime, I am so tired I can't even think.

But here's a collage of Mara.  She's pretty damn cute, makes it all worth it!