This is what you look like when.............
.......you've been awake for nearly 2 straight days being kicked from the inside.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Two Months To Go
Okay so the official "2 months to go" mark is actually tomorrow, but it's 10:05 pm so it's close enough.
I can distinctly remember walking down 170th Avenue by my house one day last Spring and calculating how long it was until my due date. I realized it was May 22nd and that I had exactly 6 months to go. Now it's almost exactly 4 months later. I can hardly believe that amount of time has gone by.. and yet it actually feels longer sometimes. Time is a really funny thing.
Another funny thing... I made it to 7 months pregnant before really feeling the need to buy any maternity clothes. For the longest time I swore I would never buy any. Just didn't see the point as pregnancy is an incredibly temporary condition (although it may not seem that way at times!) and I thought maternity clothes would be a waste of money. Well, yesterday I was at the mall shopping for Corky's mom's birthday present, and I tried on a pair of maternity jeans. I had NO IDEA how much I missed wearing "regular pants" until I tried on a pair! Lol. My dad, who was with me at the time, bought them for me. (Yes, I go shopping with my dad.) Anyway, I've been happily wearing my jeans all day today and I love them. So that's a good thing. Pants shopping was actually the least traumatic it's been in years! Pregnancy sure changes expectations.
Today, Corky and I attended a veeeerrryyyyy lllooooonnnnggggg prenatal class. It was called "Breastfeeding & Newborn Care Comprehensive Workshop" and it was 7 1/2 hours long! It was a long day, but the material was actually pretty interesting. The only part I didn't like was when we watched a 10 minute video about breastfeeding, which had no words and consisted of close-up shots of babies latching onto nipples. I'm not grossed out by breastfeeding.. I just don't particularly care to see a ton of random women's nipples up close like that. I've been experiencing a little 3rd trimester nausea, so I'm just a little more easily grossed out by stuff than usual. I'll blame it on that. :D
One funny thing: apparently I have an incredibly active fetus! There were about 15 couples there, and we're all sitting calmly and quietly.............except for me. I was wincing and cringing every few seconds for most of it because I was being kicked, punched, headbutted and rolled-upon. Mara hates when I sit still for too long! After about the 4 hour mark I started getting crazy Braxton Hicks contractions -- my cue to stand up and get moving. After the dinner break, I didn't sit down. I stood in the back and swayed back and forth to put Mara to sleep in my belly so that my poor organs, ribs and hip bones could get a break from her tapdancing feet, jabs and uppercuts and headbutting. Her other favorite pastime is sitting on my bladder - something she did a great deal of today. Love that little girl. :)
But 2 months.. okay.. I can make it for 2 more months. I've made it for 7 already (although I only knew about the pregnancy for 5 1/2 of those 7, but still!) so 2 more is definitely doable. The time is still passing pretty quick. Feels like I blinked and it was halfway through September! Those dark days of April and May are still so vivid in my mind, sometimes I expect to wake up and find that the last 4-5 months have been a dream and it's still Spring. Like some kind of awful Groundhog's Day scenario.
Actually I'm more scared now after completing the workshop today than I was before. Swaddling, diaper changing, burping, bathing... I remember all that stuff from when my sister was a newborn (she's much younger than me so I was present for all of that.) It's the breastfeeding, hormonal rollercoaster, potential postpartum depression stuff that I'm scared of. Both my sister and I being adopted, I never got to witness any of that. I've already been largely flying by the seat of my (awesome new denim) pants with this whole pregnancy thing, because honestly I've never really been around a pregnant person in my life, and I've been doing fine. But this upcoming stuff scares me. I've got plenty of support so I know I'll be fine... but it's still scary.
Anyway.. sorry for rambling. I'll quit now. LOL!
I hope you had a fabulous weekend. xoxox
I can distinctly remember walking down 170th Avenue by my house one day last Spring and calculating how long it was until my due date. I realized it was May 22nd and that I had exactly 6 months to go. Now it's almost exactly 4 months later. I can hardly believe that amount of time has gone by.. and yet it actually feels longer sometimes. Time is a really funny thing.
Another funny thing... I made it to 7 months pregnant before really feeling the need to buy any maternity clothes. For the longest time I swore I would never buy any. Just didn't see the point as pregnancy is an incredibly temporary condition (although it may not seem that way at times!) and I thought maternity clothes would be a waste of money. Well, yesterday I was at the mall shopping for Corky's mom's birthday present, and I tried on a pair of maternity jeans. I had NO IDEA how much I missed wearing "regular pants" until I tried on a pair! Lol. My dad, who was with me at the time, bought them for me. (Yes, I go shopping with my dad.) Anyway, I've been happily wearing my jeans all day today and I love them. So that's a good thing. Pants shopping was actually the least traumatic it's been in years! Pregnancy sure changes expectations.
Today, Corky and I attended a veeeerrryyyyy lllooooonnnnggggg prenatal class. It was called "Breastfeeding & Newborn Care Comprehensive Workshop" and it was 7 1/2 hours long! It was a long day, but the material was actually pretty interesting. The only part I didn't like was when we watched a 10 minute video about breastfeeding, which had no words and consisted of close-up shots of babies latching onto nipples. I'm not grossed out by breastfeeding.. I just don't particularly care to see a ton of random women's nipples up close like that. I've been experiencing a little 3rd trimester nausea, so I'm just a little more easily grossed out by stuff than usual. I'll blame it on that. :D
One funny thing: apparently I have an incredibly active fetus! There were about 15 couples there, and we're all sitting calmly and quietly.............except for me. I was wincing and cringing every few seconds for most of it because I was being kicked, punched, headbutted and rolled-upon. Mara hates when I sit still for too long! After about the 4 hour mark I started getting crazy Braxton Hicks contractions -- my cue to stand up and get moving. After the dinner break, I didn't sit down. I stood in the back and swayed back and forth to put Mara to sleep in my belly so that my poor organs, ribs and hip bones could get a break from her tapdancing feet, jabs and uppercuts and headbutting. Her other favorite pastime is sitting on my bladder - something she did a great deal of today. Love that little girl. :)
But 2 months.. okay.. I can make it for 2 more months. I've made it for 7 already (although I only knew about the pregnancy for 5 1/2 of those 7, but still!) so 2 more is definitely doable. The time is still passing pretty quick. Feels like I blinked and it was halfway through September! Those dark days of April and May are still so vivid in my mind, sometimes I expect to wake up and find that the last 4-5 months have been a dream and it's still Spring. Like some kind of awful Groundhog's Day scenario.
Actually I'm more scared now after completing the workshop today than I was before. Swaddling, diaper changing, burping, bathing... I remember all that stuff from when my sister was a newborn (she's much younger than me so I was present for all of that.) It's the breastfeeding, hormonal rollercoaster, potential postpartum depression stuff that I'm scared of. Both my sister and I being adopted, I never got to witness any of that. I've already been largely flying by the seat of my (awesome new denim) pants with this whole pregnancy thing, because honestly I've never really been around a pregnant person in my life, and I've been doing fine. But this upcoming stuff scares me. I've got plenty of support so I know I'll be fine... but it's still scary.
Anyway.. sorry for rambling. I'll quit now. LOL!
I hope you had a fabulous weekend. xoxox
Friday, September 19, 2014
Cracked Me Up
I guess it's an indication of what kind of day I've had when, at 1:00pm, THIS is the thing that has made me laugh the most today:
Given my recent labwork I think it's very appropriate!
Happy Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weekend here we come! (Unless you're on the other side of the world, in which case it's already the weekend. Haha.)
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
This Is Also No Big Deal
So... in case the title of this entry didn't tip you off, there is another No-Big-Deal-Actually-It-Is-A-Big-Deal-Kind-Of event that occurred. I mean, really, as much as I say eating a doughnut on Saturday was "no big deal" it is. It's a doughnut and I have an eating disorder. That's a big deal. It wasn't a big deal physically (in fact my weight didn't budge between September 5's OB appointment and September 15's, in spite of that doughnut and a few pieces of Nutella toast consumed earlier in the week) but mentally, sure.
This new NBD (no big deal) event is different. Perhaps a little more permanent, although only time will tell the extent of its' permanence: I've gotten a few stretch marks.
Yesterday I made a video for my YouTube channel (Link to video HERE). It was a multi-purpose video. 30 week update, lab update, live belly "pic" and stretch marks, EEEK! All crammed into a 10 minute video. Not bad eh? ;) Yes, I actually stand up and show you my belly in real life. Not just a picture, although I'll put a picture on the end of this entry for those of you who aren't inclined to watch my videos.
Okay, so about the stretch marks: It's really not THAT bad. Believe me, I am completely aware of how trivial a thing stretch marks are. But for whatever reason my brain has grabbed onto the possibility of stretch marks and I've dreaded their (likely inevitable) appearance since like week 12! I've put Palmer's Lotion and Vitamin E oil on religiously since week 16, despite being told there is no real evidence that those things help prevent stretch marks (apparently it's mostly genetic.) I just figure it can't hurt, and I do it for the peace of mind, if nothing else. And ultimately, the ONLY thing that matters to me is that Mara is healthy, which she is. I would take 100,000 stretch marks if I had to, as long as she would be okay. I wouldn't be happy about that, but I would do it in a second!
The stretch marks themselves are not huge, nor numerous, and they are concentrated in one main spot about 2.5 inches to the left of my belly button. Interestingly, that is the spot where Mara kicks out the most. I have a little cluster of them in the corresponding spot on the right of my belly button, but Mara Soleil prefers the left so there are more of them over there. They aren't very noticeable. In fact, when I lifted my shirt to show my mom yesterday, she couldn't find them! Nevertheless, I know they are there.
But I'm really not that worried about it. They say a large percentage of pregnant women get stretch marks. I've been to quite a few tropical places where people walk around in bikinis and do you know how many times I've noticed stretch marks (or remnants of them) on the bellies of women who are clearly mothers and wearing bikinis? ZERO. I've never ever noticed it. And the likelihood that every single mother wearing a bikini on the beach in those places just happens to be the ones who never got stretch marks is ludicrously low. So it stands to reason that nobody will notice my faded-out stretch marks the next time I go to the beach.
When I have realizations like that, I always feel so stupid. So incredibly stupid to have even thought for a second that anyone would care enough to notice that on me. I'm not special enough for that! If I were a celebrity, maybe. But the next time I go to Hawaii or wherever, I'll just be another mom on the beach with an unremarkable bikini body. That works for me!
Mara Update:
I had an OB appointment on Monday, September 15th. Mara is doing great! The OB was laughing when we were listening to her heartbeat on the doppler because she was kicking the wand like crazy and it was making this loud "GWOOM, GWOOM" sound whenever she connected with it.
"Sorry," I apologized for my daughter's behavior.
"She's a feisty one," the OB said, laughing.
From across the exam room Corky deadpanned, "She gets that from her mom."
Mara's Stats (approximately)
Length: 17 inches head to toe
Weight: 3.3 lb
Uterus measurement: 32 weeks
This new NBD (no big deal) event is different. Perhaps a little more permanent, although only time will tell the extent of its' permanence: I've gotten a few stretch marks.
Yesterday I made a video for my YouTube channel (Link to video HERE). It was a multi-purpose video. 30 week update, lab update, live belly "pic" and stretch marks, EEEK! All crammed into a 10 minute video. Not bad eh? ;) Yes, I actually stand up and show you my belly in real life. Not just a picture, although I'll put a picture on the end of this entry for those of you who aren't inclined to watch my videos.
Okay, so about the stretch marks: It's really not THAT bad. Believe me, I am completely aware of how trivial a thing stretch marks are. But for whatever reason my brain has grabbed onto the possibility of stretch marks and I've dreaded their (likely inevitable) appearance since like week 12! I've put Palmer's Lotion and Vitamin E oil on religiously since week 16, despite being told there is no real evidence that those things help prevent stretch marks (apparently it's mostly genetic.) I just figure it can't hurt, and I do it for the peace of mind, if nothing else. And ultimately, the ONLY thing that matters to me is that Mara is healthy, which she is. I would take 100,000 stretch marks if I had to, as long as she would be okay. I wouldn't be happy about that, but I would do it in a second!
The stretch marks themselves are not huge, nor numerous, and they are concentrated in one main spot about 2.5 inches to the left of my belly button. Interestingly, that is the spot where Mara kicks out the most. I have a little cluster of them in the corresponding spot on the right of my belly button, but Mara Soleil prefers the left so there are more of them over there. They aren't very noticeable. In fact, when I lifted my shirt to show my mom yesterday, she couldn't find them! Nevertheless, I know they are there.
But I'm really not that worried about it. They say a large percentage of pregnant women get stretch marks. I've been to quite a few tropical places where people walk around in bikinis and do you know how many times I've noticed stretch marks (or remnants of them) on the bellies of women who are clearly mothers and wearing bikinis? ZERO. I've never ever noticed it. And the likelihood that every single mother wearing a bikini on the beach in those places just happens to be the ones who never got stretch marks is ludicrously low. So it stands to reason that nobody will notice my faded-out stretch marks the next time I go to the beach.
When I have realizations like that, I always feel so stupid. So incredibly stupid to have even thought for a second that anyone would care enough to notice that on me. I'm not special enough for that! If I were a celebrity, maybe. But the next time I go to Hawaii or wherever, I'll just be another mom on the beach with an unremarkable bikini body. That works for me!
Mara Update:
I had an OB appointment on Monday, September 15th. Mara is doing great! The OB was laughing when we were listening to her heartbeat on the doppler because she was kicking the wand like crazy and it was making this loud "GWOOM, GWOOM" sound whenever she connected with it.
"Sorry," I apologized for my daughter's behavior.
"She's a feisty one," the OB said, laughing.
From across the exam room Corky deadpanned, "She gets that from her mom."
Mara's Stats (approximately)
Length: 17 inches head to toe
Weight: 3.3 lb
Uterus measurement: 32 weeks
Saturday, September 13, 2014
It's No Big Deal
That Katy Perry song "This Is How We Do" has been running around in my head for the past half hour. Specifically, the "it's no big deal.. it's no big deal... it's no big deal, this is NO BIG DEAL" part. Because.....................
I ate a doughnut.
I haven't had one in probably 4 or 5 years. It was good, but I don't think I'll eat one again for a long while. It was good, but it wasn't good enough that the crippling guilt I feel right now is worth it. But whatever. It's done, and I can't undo it (because I've never been able to purge in the usual sense of the word.)
Anyway, it was just one. I logically know that ONE doughnut isn't going to change anything. It's really no big deal.
(Click HERE to see the Lyric video for Katy Perry's This Is How We Do)
HAPPY WEEKEND!!!!!!! :)
I ate a doughnut.
I haven't had one in probably 4 or 5 years. It was good, but I don't think I'll eat one again for a long while. It was good, but it wasn't good enough that the crippling guilt I feel right now is worth it. But whatever. It's done, and I can't undo it (because I've never been able to purge in the usual sense of the word.)
Anyway, it was just one. I logically know that ONE doughnut isn't going to change anything. It's really no big deal.
(Click HERE to see the Lyric video for Katy Perry's This Is How We Do)
HAPPY WEEKEND!!!!!!! :)
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Nobody But Me
The spirit of this post is dedicated to my blog-friend Ruby. (Chica, you got me thinking about this topic from your latest post, so I'm going to run with that!)
Back in the spring I made a video one day for my YouTube channel in which I did something I'd never done on video before: I cried. Not like full on sobbing, but I was definitely crying. Not my most attractive video ever, but hey.. it's reality. (Click HERE to see the video.)
In the video, you'll see I'm sitting on the floor in my closet. For some reason I had just been trying on jeans. I know, I know, probably not the smartest thing to do at a little over 2 months pregnant but whatever. That's what I was doing. And some of them didn't fit... and it was terrible. My heart felt like there was a huge crack in it and my blood felt like ice. I was absolutely terrified. There aren't words in the English language (or any language, probably!) to describe that feeling to someone who has never experienced it firsthand. That was April 25th. I wouldn't go back to those days for anything - not even a million dollars. Well, maybe a million dollars, but not a cent less. ;)
Not too long after I made that video, maybe a week or two later, I was sitting on my bed doodling in a sketchbook. As I did so, I cried again. (Hey, the hormones in the first trimester are no joke! Lol.) I was just sad.. missing my body, missing Zumba because I wasn't allowed to work out at that time, missing my old life. Not that I wanted to undo anything -- just because you miss something doesn't mean you want it back.
But nostalgic though I was at the time, a rogue thought popped into my head: Who else cares about your body? More specifically I was asking who cared about the changes to my body from pregnancy. The answer to that was: absolutely nobody at all. Corky doesn't care. He loves me just as much as he always has. My parents don't care. My sisters probably haven't even noticed. My friends don't care - they just want me to be happy and healthy. My YouTube friends don't care. Neither do my blog friends. Nobody is judging me based on how my body looks!!! NOBODY!!! Just like I don't judge anyone on how their body looks.
Wow, that was a liberating thought! I have all the support a girl could ever dream of. So what am I so worried about?? It's not like I'm going to be pregnant forever! Now that would be terrible.
If you're in a similar position (pregnant or not!), remind yourself gently: people don't make friends with the outsides of people. They make friends with the insides! (The soul.. not the organs. hmm!)
Back in the spring I made a video one day for my YouTube channel in which I did something I'd never done on video before: I cried. Not like full on sobbing, but I was definitely crying. Not my most attractive video ever, but hey.. it's reality. (Click HERE to see the video.)
In the video, you'll see I'm sitting on the floor in my closet. For some reason I had just been trying on jeans. I know, I know, probably not the smartest thing to do at a little over 2 months pregnant but whatever. That's what I was doing. And some of them didn't fit... and it was terrible. My heart felt like there was a huge crack in it and my blood felt like ice. I was absolutely terrified. There aren't words in the English language (or any language, probably!) to describe that feeling to someone who has never experienced it firsthand. That was April 25th. I wouldn't go back to those days for anything - not even a million dollars. Well, maybe a million dollars, but not a cent less. ;)
Not too long after I made that video, maybe a week or two later, I was sitting on my bed doodling in a sketchbook. As I did so, I cried again. (Hey, the hormones in the first trimester are no joke! Lol.) I was just sad.. missing my body, missing Zumba because I wasn't allowed to work out at that time, missing my old life. Not that I wanted to undo anything -- just because you miss something doesn't mean you want it back.
But nostalgic though I was at the time, a rogue thought popped into my head: Who else cares about your body? More specifically I was asking who cared about the changes to my body from pregnancy. The answer to that was: absolutely nobody at all. Corky doesn't care. He loves me just as much as he always has. My parents don't care. My sisters probably haven't even noticed. My friends don't care - they just want me to be happy and healthy. My YouTube friends don't care. Neither do my blog friends. Nobody is judging me based on how my body looks!!! NOBODY!!! Just like I don't judge anyone on how their body looks.
Wow, that was a liberating thought! I have all the support a girl could ever dream of. So what am I so worried about?? It's not like I'm going to be pregnant forever! Now that would be terrible.
If you're in a similar position (pregnant or not!), remind yourself gently: people don't make friends with the outsides of people. They make friends with the insides! (The soul.. not the organs. hmm!)
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
The Official Results
I am honestly in such a bad mood right now that I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out.. maybe ever. If I could snap my fingers and cease to exist right now, I would. I'm not going to get into the particulars of why I feel this way because it's probably not very interesting, but I felt it was pertinent, somehow, to mention it. We all have bad days, right?
The real reason for this post is to let you know about my official lab results that I FINALLY got in my online chart (after what felt like eons. And it would have been nice to have these results a little sooner, actually, because then I could have discussed it with my OB when I was there on Friday. But for whatever reason, the lab felt the need to take forever.)
As far as I can remember, I've never had a CBC look like this before - with a ton of things just a little bit wrong. First number is my value, and in the brackets is the standard range. (I've only recorded the noteworthy ones here. If it's not listed, then it wasn't remarkable.)
WBC (white blood cell): 13.3 [3.5-11.0]
RBC (red blood cell): 3.17 [3.80-5.20]
Hgb: 10.8 [11.7-15.7]
Hct: 31.4 [34.9-46.9]
MCV (size of red blood cells): 98.9* [80-100]
*Not an out-of-range number, but I've had trouble with high MCV for ages so I just posted it for comparative purposes.
My platelets look good though! So there's that.
And my comprehensive metabolic panel (CMP) didn't look too great either.
K (potassium): 3.5 [3.7-5.5]
Glucose: 72 (non fasting)
Creatinine: 0.50 [0.60-1.30]
Total protein: 5.6 [6.1-8.0]
Albumin: 3.1 [3.2-4.9]
So there you have it. Not the greatest set of results I've ever gotten. But even though there's a lot of numbers out of the range, none of them are dire looking. I'm not surprised to see a low hemiglobin number. I'm anemic, and iron is necessary for making hemiglobin, so that explains that. It also explains why I feel a little short of breath sometimes, and a little tired.
I am ready for this day to be over now. I'm ready for this whole damn WEEK to be over! Is it really only Tuesday?
The real reason for this post is to let you know about my official lab results that I FINALLY got in my online chart (after what felt like eons. And it would have been nice to have these results a little sooner, actually, because then I could have discussed it with my OB when I was there on Friday. But for whatever reason, the lab felt the need to take forever.)
As far as I can remember, I've never had a CBC look like this before - with a ton of things just a little bit wrong. First number is my value, and in the brackets is the standard range. (I've only recorded the noteworthy ones here. If it's not listed, then it wasn't remarkable.)
WBC (white blood cell): 13.3 [3.5-11.0]
RBC (red blood cell): 3.17 [3.80-5.20]
Hgb: 10.8 [11.7-15.7]
Hct: 31.4 [34.9-46.9]
MCV (size of red blood cells): 98.9* [80-100]
*Not an out-of-range number, but I've had trouble with high MCV for ages so I just posted it for comparative purposes.
My platelets look good though! So there's that.
And my comprehensive metabolic panel (CMP) didn't look too great either.
K (potassium): 3.5 [3.7-5.5]
Glucose: 72 (non fasting)
Creatinine: 0.50 [0.60-1.30]
Total protein: 5.6 [6.1-8.0]
Albumin: 3.1 [3.2-4.9]
So there you have it. Not the greatest set of results I've ever gotten. But even though there's a lot of numbers out of the range, none of them are dire looking. I'm not surprised to see a low hemiglobin number. I'm anemic, and iron is necessary for making hemiglobin, so that explains that. It also explains why I feel a little short of breath sometimes, and a little tired.
I am ready for this day to be over now. I'm ready for this whole damn WEEK to be over! Is it really only Tuesday?
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