January 26 - Picture Dump Part 2

.....continuing.

Jaxxie's ear flipped inside out and he looked so cute I could not even stand it!! 

Oh buddy!!

When Mara chooses her own outfit... Lol!

Post-Zumba 

Cheshire Abigail! 

Abby & Jaxxie keeping mommy' feet warm.  How sweet.

Jax & me watching scary movies.

Mara loves her auntie.

Took Mara swimming and I wore a bikini... mom bod for the win! 

Abigail decided she didn't like the new food corky brought home for the frenchies... so I made her an egg at the same time I made one for Mara.  My dogs aren't spoiled or anything...

January 26 - Picture Dump

Okay... here's a bunch of randoms (not in order)....

Abby & Jax being watchdogs (doesn't Jax look handsome in his Christmas scarf!)

Parenting Mara has been kind of tough these last few weeks.  She's in a hitting/scratching/biting/tantrum phase.  This is what my face looks like after a rough day.  I had people asking me if I had a cat! Lol

The view from the top of the hill by my house.

Little miss in her chair.

Eggs + broccoli + tomato + avocado + tortilla = THE BEST DINNER EVER!!!

My little goofball. Love her!! 

The cutest pair of butts in town.

Mara running around with her skirt on her head.  Just another typical day at home. Lol! 

Mara Soleil helping her daddy build ikea furniture. 

My mom and I baked heart shaped cookies one day.  Yum! 

To be continued....

Dilemma Follow Up

This decision isn't set in stone yet but we have made a tentative plan for Mara's preschool.  

After much consideration, we decided to pursue the expensive preschool.  Here are the main reasons why:

1) It actually isn't THAT expensive.  When I did a little more looking around, I found that the "expensive" one we were looking at was actually not atypical - the "inexpensive" one was!  There were 2 other preschools I was interested in and one was more expensive by about $30 a month and the other was only about $10 less per month.  So... it was not the exception, but the rule.

2) Mara likes it.  She was not as comfortable in the other two schools.  She was hesitant, shy, and clung to me, whereas at the "expensive" preschool, she was running off to play by herself within 2 minutes of arriving for the open house.

3) I like the people better.  Everyone I met at all four schools was nice, I just like the people best at this particular school.

4) I managed to get the price reduced a little.  By going for two half-days instead of three, I knocked about $220 off the monthly price.  Still expensive, but better.

5) Mara will be going to public school for kindergarten and onward, so I won't have to pay tuition for that.  I feel it's worth it for her to get a decent foundation in the world of learning.

So that's where our thought process went.  Mara's currently on the waitlist, hoping to begin her in May in the 18-24 month classroom.  If there's no room for her by May, we'll start her in November in the 2-2 1/2 year old classroom.

So excited for her!  She will have a blast!  She's very social and very independent, so I think it'll be good for her (and for me.)  Love that little bug of mine!!

Another Birth Memory

First of all, THANK YOU to everyone who commented on yesterday's post about preschools. I value and appreciate all your input.  I am glad for different viewpoints because it's easy to get hung up on one perspective.  So thank you!  I will keep you updated on what ends up happening.  :)

Okay, on to today's post.

Last night, I was nursing Mara to sleep in the rocking chair.  It was dark and quiet in the room, no sound except the white noise machine she sleeps with making the sound of gentle rain.  She had fallen asleep nursing, but I didn't want to move just yet.  I found myself thinking about the nighttime and how lonely it can sometimes feel to be awake at night.  (Mind you it was only like 8:30pm but it was completely dark.)  Thinking about that lonely, middle-of-the-night feeling brought back a sudden, strong memory from the night Mara was born.

My water broke at 8:00pm on Saturday, November 22nd.  We finally made it to the hospital about 9:30pm.  After taking ages to ascertain whether my water had indeed broken (there was really no question), they were cleaning the room so it wasn't until about 11:30pm that I was even admitted officially.  The pitocin was started at about 12:15am on Sunday, November 23rd.  The nurses and the doctor advised Corky and me to try and get some sleep before things really took off.

I couldn't sleep, but Corky did.  He slept from about 12:45am until about 4:30am.  Those 3 hours and 45 minutes were some of the longest, loneliest, most painful hours of my life.  The pain didn't hit like a ton of bricks, rather it was a gradual increase of pain, but by about 2:00am I was in serious pain.  The contractions were strong, long in duration and came close together.  (Any moms who have been there wince at the sight of the word "pitocin".  I know I do.)

The nurse would pop in to check on me every now and then, but I was largely on my own for those hours.  The time ceased to exist, actually.  I felt as though I was in an ocean of pain - tossed around, upside down and drowning in waves of pain.  Then up to the surface and I barely had time to catch my breath before another wave would come and sweep me away again.  And through all those agonizing minutes, Corky slept. 

I remember feeling somewhat affronted that he would sleep through this and leave me to deal with this horrendous pain on my own.  But at the same time, I had told him to sleep.  For one thing, there wasn't anything he could do for me anyway and for another, one of us needed to have our faculties about us for the following day, as it was apparent that this could potentially be a long labor.  God knows I wasn't going to be very sane for very long at that rate.  So while I was somewhat miffed that he was sleeping, I was glad at the same time.

Also, I think a part of me didn't want him to see me in pain like that.  Although he did end up seeing it because by 4:30am I woke him up with my whimpers of, "ow, ow, owwwwww. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay."

Even as a child, I hated to be the only one awake at night.  Staying up all night, unable to sleep, was a very real fear of mine up until I was in my early teens.  To this day, I'm not sure what made that such a scary idea.  I just always hated it.  I guess I felt like I was the only person alive in the world when everyone else was asleep and I wasn't.  Not totally rational but scary nonetheless.

All that pain was totally worth it though.  That little girl is my world.  She's upstairs sleeping now... I always miss her when she's in bed. :)

Struggles of a Different Kind

Alrighty.. here's a new dilemma.  This is not something I have much experience with, but I find myself in the middle of it: Money.

We're not rich.  We're not poor.  We're "fine".  This means we don't live paycheck to paycheck.  We have enough to go out to dinner every now and then.  I've never had to pinch pennies for groceries and I'm good checking my bank account balance once per week.  We can't afford an SUV, even though that would make life easier for me, but we are a 2-car family.  We own our home.  Bills are not a problem.  We bargain shop but if something's not on sale and we need it, we can buy it.  That's what "fine" means.

Now, however, I am looking for preschools for Mara.  Registration for most preschools begins in January.  Mara is only 14 months old (on Saturday 1/23) but she is very social, very bright and very independent.  She is bored at home - and her behavior shows it.

I have found a preschool that I believe is a perfect fit for her.  It's only for two days a week, half days.  But it's EXPENSIVE AS HELL.  In order to send her there, we WOULD be living paycheck to paycheck.  We WOULD be pinching pennies for groceries.  Bills MIGHT be a problem.  Okay, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but... seriously.  It would definitely cramp our economic style.  

So now my dilemma is this:  Do I send her to a different preschool that I don't feel she'll get as much out of, and save money?  Or do I send her to this preschool that I KNOW she likes (we've visited a few times and she always runs right in, totally comfortable) and where I know the staff and like them, and have money be a little tight?

If this were you and your kid, what would YOU choose?

Having Some Trouble

Nothing is really wrong... I just haven't felt great about myself lately.  Not TERRIBLE, but just.... not great.  

It seems like I'm getting triggered by everything under the sun.  

I feel guilty for eating, guilty for not working out harder, guilty for feeling this way knowing that my daughter is watching my every move.

I feel as though I should be embracing my body for what it can do and what it has done, but all I can focus on is how I wish I had less fat here or there, or that my thighs were smaller, or my arms were less flabby, or that my stomach wasn't as sticky-out as it is.

This might be stemming from something that happened on Tuesday when I was teaching my Aqua Fit class.  I had the class going around the edges of the pool (doing the "whirlpool") when one of the ladies asked, as she passed me, The Question.

"When's your baby due?"  

Pause.  
My brain went oh no.  Not again.  Because there are several things about this situation that I hate.  1) It obviously means I look pregnant to a degree and 2) when I tell her that I'm not she's going to be all apologetic and shit, and feel bad, and it's going to be awkward.  It always is.

And it was.

And I had to pretend like it was really no big deal, and explain that I have diastasis recti and that's why my stomach sticks out, and I also have a hernia behind my bellybutton which is why it sticks out also.  A lot of time people assume I'm pregnant because my bellybutton sticks out as it did when I was.

But then she said, "oh I didn't notice the bellybutton," which indicates that her comment was based solely on the fact that she saw my stomach pooching out.  Awesome.

Anyway... it was awkward and annoying and I wished it hadn't happened.  Since then I haven't felt awesome about myself.  Sigh.  

So here's my PSA:  DO NOT ASK IF SOMEONE IS PREGNANT, AND DO NOT ASSUME THAT SOMEONE IS PREGNANT.  EVER.  EVER.  OKAY??? EVEN IF THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE NINE MONTHS PREGNANT AND ABOUT TO POP, JUST DO NOT ASK.  BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

End rant.

Be Grateful

One of my besties texted me this morning asking me to sub her Zumba class tomorrow.... because she got hit by a car in the parking lot of the gym last night.

OMG!!!!!!

So freaking scary!!!!

And I was feeling so miserable because Mara had been up basically all night with teething pain and therefore I was up too.  I was feeling pretty sorry for myself (and let's face it, there was some reason for it) but when she texted me all I could feel was grateful.

Grateful she was okay.
Grateful it wasn't me or anyone in my family.
Grateful that the guy who hit her stopped and helped her.
Grateful that she asked me to sub for her (kind of an honor).

And it made me think about the night I just had (which was following a day when I didn't feel great), up with a whiny, fussy, boogery Mara.  

Yes it sucked.  Yes it was difficult.  Yes I'm very tired.  Yes I'm sore (my neck is cricked, that rocking chair is not comfy to sit in for more than 20 minutes).  But my baby snuggled with me for such a long time... that does not happen often.  She is so busy and so wiggly and so active that she almost never snuggles.  But last night, when she was in pain, she wanted Mommy.  

That makes it all worth it.