Just To Write

Once again, I'm going to use my blog to sort out the jumble of shit in my head.  I've done this a few times on here - a brain dump of sorts.  I do picture dumps so why not brain dumps! The anonymity of the internet is a great screen to hide behind.

Today was rough.  Well, no.  The day was mostly fine but the evening was rough.  Orion was wiggly, fussy and kept spitting up all over the place.  I eventually gave in and just put him in the bathtub because he smelled like sour milk.  Tangent #1 - I was telling someone recently how kids have a way of breaking down all our best laid plans.  Mara didn't do as much of that as her brother does.  She was a fairly easy baby actually.  But with Orion...

"I won't ever bed-share with my baby."  Orion -1, Mommy - 0.
"I won't ever put my baby to sleep on his/her belly."  Orion - 2, Mommy - 0.
"I won't ever put my baby to bed with a blanket."  Orion - 3, Mommy - 0.
"I won't have a baby that refuses a bottle." Orion - 4, Mommy - 0.
"I won't ever be without a monitor that senses breathing." Orion - 5, Mommy - 0.
"I won't ever give my baby solids before 6 months." Orion - 6, Mommy - 0.
Game, set, match.

It's a lot of battle-picking and with-the-flow-going.  Currently I'm sitting here, looking at him on the video monitor, asleep on his double mattress on the floor (not crib), on his belly with a blanket over his legs and no breathing monitor.  Sigh.

Anyway, back to today.  Orion was wiggly, tired, fussy and spit-uppy.  Mara just would NOT leave me alone for five seconds.  She has been so volatile lately; flying off the handle for every little thing that doesn't go her way exactly when she wants it.  Tangent #2 - I have some trepidation about this summer because I have her in school 3 days per week instead of 4.  The original reason for this was because I wanted her to be in a swim class on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the morning.  However, that didn't work out as planned so now she has swim class in the evening on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  The other reason is that tuition is higher during the summer months (June, July and August) so we'll save some money.

ANYWAY, long story short, Mara ended up in timeout for something or other.. I can't even really remember what it was.  Oh, she was trying to hit me in the face with a gallon ziplock bag that had a bottle of baby shampoo and a bottle of hair detangler.  But she was refusing to sit in timeout, so by the end of it I had her in a full body hold, with her clawing, kicking, flailing and trying to head-butt me with all her might.  She is so strong and so big that when she braced her feet on the wall and pushed backward, she actually moved us both clear across the hallway on the hardwood floor.  She kept screaming at me, "you're MEAN mommy and I DON'T LOVE YOU!"  Ouch.

Ugh... I have a bunch of stuff I need to do.  I need to start on my CEUs (continued education units, I think) for my personal trainer recertification.  The trouble is they're ridiculously expensive.  But it's still better than doing the whole damn thing over again.  We also need to book our tickets for our Canada trip in July.  And get the guest bedroom ready for company in June... and again in August.  And I have 2 baskets of laundry waiting to be sorted, folded and put away.  And the dishwasher needs unloading.  Why can't I live in a Smart House that does all this shit for me?  I need a personal assistant. LOL!

Hawaii 2018 - Days 5-7

By this time in the vacation, the days blur.  So I'm just going to drop the pics and caption.  Keep in mind the order is probably totally wrong.

We went to the Wailina Coffeehouse which I believe was featured in an episode of Hawaii Five-Oh.  My sister was under the impression that they served guava pancakes and she really wanted to try them  In reality they had guava french toast but she opted not to try it.  They did, however, have like 3 or 4 different kinds of syrup including coconut and it was so good.  I don't have any other pics but I got  an apple turnover thing which was really good.  Corky got this omelet that had shrimp in it and it smelled AWFUL.  Lol.  Mara got pancakes and ate most of them in addition to half my sister's eggs and a piece or two of bacon.

This photo was taken on the walk back from breakfast.

Orion asleep  in the Baby Bjorn.

Probably the best pic from the whole trip LOL

Mara fell asleep on me at dinner this night.  I loved it! She hadn't slept on me like this since she was a little tiny girl.  I had to eat my salad one-handed but I didn't mind. :)

The following morning, Mara eating her pizza that she didn't eat because of falling asleep the night before (see previous pic!)

Breakfast at Giovanni Pastrami's:

We flew home to Oregon uneventfully on May 7th.  It was a great trip!

Hawaii 2018 - Day 3 & 4

The third day I don't have many pictures from.  In fact, I only have one.  After my mom and I went paddle boarding, my dad rented a car and we all piled in and drove to Alan Davis beach.  My sister wanted to go there because she heard there were rocks you could jump off into the ocean.

After an emergency potty stop at a Taco Bell, we arrived at the turn off for the viewpoint and beach.  It turned out to be like a 3/4 of a mile hike to the beach from the parking area.  Orion fell asleep on the way there and woke up just as we parked.  I hadn't been expecting to have to walk very far so I hadn't brought the Baby Bjorn or even a stroller.  So I ended up hiking a total of a mile and a half holding my gigantic 5 month old.

The beach was pretty.  If the weather had been clearer it would've been even prettier.  I filmed my sister and Corky jumping off rocks into the water while my mom entertained Mara near the shore and Orion hung out with my dad.  

Towards the end, my mom and Mara and I all waded out into the water and jumped waves.  My sister caught a picture of the three-generation event.

The following day, Mara wanted to go paddle boarding with me. 

Mara wanted to paddle :)

While Mara and I paddled, Corky and Orion hung out on the beach.  Orion was wearing his adorable little dinosaur shirt again and everyone was swooning over him on the beach.  When we finished, I took Orion back to the hotel to nurse down for a nap and Corky took Mara back out on the paddle board.  Orion fell asleep on the walk back to the hotel.

Poor little dinosaur couldn't hang.

My parents and sister took Mara on a hike in the woods later that afternoon.  Mara walked the entire 2 miles!  While they were gone, Corky and I gave Orion a bath.

After bath time, Corky and I put Orion in the Baby Bjorn and went to the International Marketplace.  There we bought Mara and Orion little Hawaiian outfits.  The kids were happy to model them for us once Mara returned (and took a shower - she was filthy!)

That night, we cooked dinner in my parents' hotel room.  My sister made this Caprese chicken recipe and noodles.  It was so good.  Mara devoured an entire bowl of it and had ice cream for dessert.  This was a Friday and the hotel does a fireworks show every Friday night.  Everyone else went to view the fireworks and get ice cream while I took Orion back to the room and put him to bed.  It was another great day. :) 

Hawaii 2018 - Day 2

I mentioned in my last post that the weather wasn't stellar in Hawaii.  This turned out to be a good thing since Orion can't have sunblock on him.  The sun did shine here and there (and the last day was gorgeous) but mostly it was overcast.  I know the sun can burn you even when it's overcast, though, so I was pretty careful to make sure Orion was covered during the times of day when the sun is the strongest.

Mara fell asleep at dinner the night before, so when she awoke (at 5:30am, thanks time change!) she was ravenous.  Still wearing her swimsuit top and shorts, she sat on the couch and ate her leftover pizza from the night before.  Thankfully our hotel room had a refrigerator so we were able to put her food in there.

After Mara had her pizza and both kids were dressed, we headed out for a walk to find an ABC store and get some groceries and foodstuff for the room.  We also decided to wander around the property a little. It was only about 6:00 in the morning at this point so the grounds were fairly empty.  It was drizzling but that doesn't bother us Oregonians LOL!

Later in the morning, after breakfast, we all decided to head to the beach.  My sister and Corky wanted to snorkel and Mara wanted to play in the waves.  Orion and I went along so he could stick his feet in the water for the first time.

Orion's feet touch the pacific for the first time.

Mara running to her daddy in the water.

You should know it takes a fair amount of guts for me to post any swimsuit pics anymore! Lol.

Oh buddy.

A few more random pics from Day 2:

I love this one.  Orion went to my parents' room for a while so I could try to take a nap.  He fussed a bunch and then fell asleep like this.  I texted my sister to ask how he was doing and this was what she  sent me by way of an answer.  Hahaha.  Poor buddy just couldn't hang. :) 

Hawaii 2018 - Travel & Day 1

We've had this Hawaii trip planned pretty much since the summer ended.  The dates weren't  nailed down until sometime in March but we knew we were going.  My dad had managed to land a really good deal on our very favorite hotel, the only thing was it had to be used within 6 months of signing up for it.  So that meant we had to go before May 20th.  So on May 1st, my parents, my sister, Corky, the kids and I all loaded up and headed for paradise.

Traveling with a 5 month old is.... challenging.  Traveling with a 5 month old to a tropical destination is even more challenging because sunscreen isn't recommended until 6 months of age.  Initially I was bummed out when I saw that the weather forecast for Oahu was drizzly and cloudy, but when I thought about it that was actually a huge blessing!  I didn't have to keep Orion sequestered in the hotel room due to sun very much.  And, as it turned out, rain wasn't that big of an obstacle for two reasons.  One being that it didn't rain all that often and two being that we are from Oregon!  We didn't go all the way to Hawaii just to be deterred by (warm) rain!

Our flight was at 9:00am so it wasn't too bad.  Orion gets up early anyway so it wasn't as awful as it could've been.  Mara considered throwing a fit about being woken up but thought better of it when she remembered where it was we were headed!  Here are a few pictures from on the plane:

LOL their faces... Orion was yawning.  Not too sure what Corky's excuse is...???

Despite the flight crew warning us that it would be a bumpy ride, it was a fairly smooth flight.  Orion was a little fussy at times but nothing that a boob and a nap couldn't fix.  We landed in Honolulu at about 11:45am local time, effectively starting our day all over again.  

The hotel we stayed in is a huge resort on the beach.  The newest tower (built sometime between 2014 and now as it wasn't there the last time we were on the island) has basically little apartments.  It's actually a timeshare as well, and believe me the people are quick to remind you that if you sit through a 90 minute presentation, you can get up to $200 in cash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (You know they say it like that.)  Anyway, we had a 2 bedroom "room".  However, because we arrived so early, it wasn't ready for us yet.  Neither was my parents' room.  Unlike when we arrived in Amsterdam last summer, I did not lie down and sleep on the floor.  This time, we hit the arrival/departure lounge!  I dug Mara's swimsuit and floatie out of our suitcases before sending them off to be stored for us until our room was ready and  she and Corky took a dip in the infinity pool that I, sadly, did not get a photo of.  The rest of us bummed around the lounge, waiting.

Eventually our rooms were ready for us.  We quickly unpacked, changed clothes (or swimsuits in Mara's case) and headed for the beach!  We walked down to this rock pier a quarter of a mile or so away to look for crabs.  Mara is NOT a fan.  She did, however, enjoy walking in the waves and making sand angels! 

Corky wore Orion in the Baby Bjorn.  Orion really liked all the pigeons and doves walking around on the beach.  He would wave his arms and kick his legs whenever he saw them!  So cute.

Here we all are, minus my dad and me.

When we returned from our walk, I went for a run in the evening warmth. We went to the main restaurant on the resort for dinner.  Mara ordered pizza but fell asleep before it arrived.  Orion also had had enough, so I took him back to the room and Corky carried a sleeping Mara back not long after.

I can't remember how much of this I mentioned in a previous post (during BEDA perhaps?) and I'm not going to go read back now but we had been having lots of trouble with Orion's sleep.  Or should I say, lack of sleep.  I got him down in the crib they provided that night and he stayed there for about 30 minutes.  At that point he woke up wailing and Corky and I both tried unsuccessfully to get him back down to sleep in the crib.  Eventually, we gave up and pulled a mattress off one of the double beds in the bedroom and put it on the floor.  There Orion and I slept for the remainder of the nights.  I hate co-sleeping.. it makes me nervous and I swore I'd never do it but we HAVE to sleep.

Day 2 and onward coming soon! (Whenever I have time!)

BEDA Day 29 - BEDA Fail

I actually have a lot to say this morning.  I'm pretty under slept so I'm not sure how coherent it's going to be but... this is my blog, dammit, and if I want to make no sense then I will. It'll likely come out as a stream-of-consciousness type of post, so if anyone is even reading this, consider yourself warned.

I failed at BEDA this year.  Truth be told, I don't feel too bad about that.  For one thing, I'm not sure anyone even reads my blog anymore after all this time.  For another thing, I have 2 (energetic, demanding) kids, a husband and a dog (yes, one dog, more on that later) and my life is crazy.  I make no apologies for my failed attempt at BEDA.  The 22 days I have posted this month is better than any month since the last BEDA I did which was in 2016.  So there! Lol.

So.... dogs.  We had a tough decision to make.  First, let me start by saying that it WAS a really tough decision.  You all know how much I love my dogs.  You know how brokenhearted I was when Jax died.  You know how happy Frank makes me.  But.  He is aggressive towards children.  Not my children, but other children.  He's always had a little bit of a territorial streak but it really escalated during my pregnancy with Orion and then got worse after Orion's birth in December.  There have been a couple times where I barely managed to keep him from getting to a kid.  I have no idea what he would have done had he gotten to them.  I would love to say that there's no way he would have bitten them or hurt them but I cannot say that with 100% confidence.  

Then, late last week some time, he ate 2 baby bottle nipples.  He vomited one up.. I can't remember what day that was.  But then the following night he was refusing dinner.  This was terrifying because, as you may remember, this is EXACTLY what Jax did before we rushed him to the emergency vet, only to have him die of sepsis from a bowel obstruction.  

So off I went with Frank that night, incidentally to the same vet that we took Jax to that February night.  X-rays and an ultrasound were done and a partial obstruction was identified.  He was admitted, given IV fluids and watched overnight (sound familiar?).  When my phone rang at 3:00am, as I had been told it would, I answered it with trepidation. I was up anyway feeding Orion, so at least it didn't rip me out of sleep like it did when they called about Jax.  

Thankfully, though, this phone call was very different.  

"Hi!" A cheery voice said on the other end of the line.  "This is so-and-so (can't remember the name) from Tanasbourne Emergency.  I'm just calling with an update on your boxer, Frank.  He passed another baby bottle nipple and the repeat x-rays show no more obstruction.  We are going to continue his fluids and monitor him, but he's doing well.  He can go home in the morning."

"Oh thank goodness," I whispered, trying not to wake the baby who had fallen asleep on the boob.  "What time can I pick him up tomorrow?"

They told me to call back at 9:00am and we would set up a discharge time for him.  I was $900 poorer but I still had my dog.

However, this caused me to think.  How likely is it that over the next several years, one or both of my children won't leave small plastic things out that Frank could and would get ahold of, chew on and swallow?  Not likely.  And where on earth did he even get 2 baby bottle nipples??  He's never unattended in the house so he had to have found them and swallowed them both in no more than a minute or two, since that is the longest he's ever out of our sight in the house.

Because of his aggression towards children, I had already been in contact with a friend of mine who lives about 45 minutes north of me, on acreage in Washington.  She and her husband have 2 boxers already, the older of which is only a day older than Frank, and Frank has known him since they were only a few months old.  She had told me that if it came down to it, she would like to try having Frank come live up there with them.  That way, she explained, I would know where he was, know that he was being taken care of and I'd be able to visit him regularly.

I thanked her for her offer and hoped and prayed it wouldn't come to that.

But it did.

And it all comes down to safety.

I cannot guarantee the safety of any children who come to my house.  I can't really even guarantee the safety of my own kids because what if a UPS guy or something came to the door and Frank was barking and such, and Mara tried to shush him and he forgot himself and snapped at her?  Or, what if he (heaven forbid) bit one of her friends and their parents called the police or something?  He'd get put down, and that I could not bear.

So on Wednesday the 25th, Mara and I loaded up and took Frankie up to my friend's house.  We stayed about an hour and a half getting him accustomed to his surroundings.  He seemed to be doing great, having fun running around with the other two.  When we went to leave, however, things didn't go exactly as planned.  Frank managed to slip out the door and came running to the car while I was loading Mara.  He jumped into the driver seat and crawled through to the back.  While I had doors open trying to get him out, my friend came out with the other 2 boxers to try and entice Frankie back out to play.  Instead, I ended up with all THREE boxers in my car.  Poor Mara had 75 pounds of white boxer basically in her lap.  Fifteen minutes later we had managed to get all three dogs sequestered in the garage but the damage had been done.

"Mommy," Mara said as I started the car and we headed down the gravel driveway.  "Frankie is sad.  He wants to come home with us."

"I know," I answered.

"He tried to get in the car."

I turned left onto the main road.  "He did get in the car.  But he'll be happy there."

"I miss him, Mommy."

"I know baby.  I miss him too."

And she cried for him most of the way home.

So between Orion getting a tooth, three out of the four of us having a cold (me included this time), lack of sleep and Frankie going up to Washington, we are having a rough week.  We leave for Hawaii on Tuesday.  Infuriatingly, the weather in Hawaii is slated to be worse than the weather here in Oregon! It's a sad day when you go on a Hawaiian vacation and go to more rain than you leave.

We have a tooth!

Sigh.

BEDA Days 22-24

I guess it's not really considered "BEDA" if you don't BEDA, is it?  Well.  Seems as though hardly anyone even reads this blog anyway so there's not much point in stressing over it.

Here's a bit of a picture dump.


I ran my first race since Orion's birth!  It was only a 5K but still.  I finished in 29:27, placed 157th out of 874.  First in my age bracket and first stroller! Woohoo!

Orion decided he needed to nurse right away after.

I've lost my damn mind.

Mara has had a pretty eventful few weeks!  Between school, extracurriculars and just general busy-ness, she goes to bed exhausted most nights!

This was taken just this past Saturday.  Mara was standing in line at Starbucks to buy her own applesauce!  She wanted it but Orion was nursing so I handed her a ten dollar bill and she went and bought it herself!  You can see how close to the counter my seat was (I took the picture from my chair) so it's not like I sent her clear across the store by herself.

Mara and the neighbor's cat, Bella, creating art

Mara went to her first MLS soccer game - Go Timbers!

Mara and her salad she ordered all on her own for dinner one night.  (That's my girl!)

Lunch date on the kitchen floor with my littlest love.

"Are you serious right now?"