Get It Out

This is the message I just sent to my friend on Facebook:

"I am dying. I swear to god. I'm probably not actually dying but I wish I was. Today was so great... I love everybody! I just hate myself. I never want to eat again. This hurts so much. I am so tired of it."

Today (well, yesterday, since it's 1:40am!) was my bachelorette party. It was AMAZING. PERFECT. I loved it. My bestie, G, came down from Edmonton to hostess it. I love her, she is honestly the most amazing bestie a girl could wish for. She threw me the most awesome Peacock Theme party. Low-key, fun games, no penises (lol)... it was perfect. All my bridesmaids except my cousin (who lives in Connecticut) came, as well as my fiancé's mom, my mom and one of my Zumba besties.  

It was seriously so much fun. The time literally flew by. We played "How Well Do You Know the Bride?" where I had to fill out this survey and everyone had to guess the answers. We played "How Well Does the Bride Know Her Groom?" where I had to answer questions about Corky. We played "Pin the Peacock on the Hunk" (a variation of pin the tail on the donkey. You can imagine how that went.) We played this game that involved panties (I won't have to go shopping again for ages) and Bridal Pictionary. Then we all went for sushi. It was great.

Friday morning I picked up G at the airport. We went to the mall to get me a LBD (little black dress, fyi) and some peacock accessories. I didn't actually end up wearing the dress because I looked like a giant piece of lard with a LBD on. Very sad. Anyway. Then we went to the grocery store for cake mix and other supplies. We baked a giant cupcake (pics to follow once they're uploaded.) Then we just hung around my condo until it was time to go to Zumba.

G's first ever Zumba class was A BLAST!!!!! I had eleven people which is the most I've ever had on a Friday night. The energy was great. Three ladies came from another gym, where I substitute teach every once in a while, just for the occasion. My mom even came! I had these 2 new songs that I had never actually done before, I had just done them in my head. I lead them both and it worked out! I was amazed, to be honest with you. LOL!!! Today I told my friend/first Zumba teacher about that and she was cracking up.

Tonight after the party we went over to Corky's mom's house because it's Corky's brother's birthday (did ya get all that straight? haha!) We hung around there for about 30 minutes. My dogs are over there because tomorrow is Corky's Bach party and I have stuff to do (more on that in a minute.) I introduced G to Corky's brother, R, and his new "friend" (aka girlfriend) M. Also Corky's step-dad, S, was there. They were going to walk over to The Underground, a nearby bar, and shoot pool so G and I left and came home. We transferred some stuff onto a flash drive, recorded the Zumba routine I made for her, took some pictures, and she went to bed.

Well, I'm a night owl and so of course I stayed up. I was texting Corky for over an hour and he never responded. I absolutely HATE when he does that. I always worry a ton. Well, as it turns out, this time there was good reason to worry! Some kind of accident happened at the bar where a drunk lady tripped over R (who was just standing there!), hit her head and required medical assistance. Apparently all the friends of the lady surrounded R and were yelling at him. Unbeknownst to Corky, someone had called the police. Corky took R and M out of there and they all started walking home. Then a friend of their's drove by and told them that the cops were at The Underground looking for them. Corky sent R and M home and went back to talk to the cops. He got it all straightened out and went back to his mom's house. Definitely not the kind of event I want for us in our life together. Ridiculous that this would happen on the eve of his Bach party and the night of my party... the night we are supposed to be celebrating the fact that we are going to HAVE a life together! Just craziness.

As far as food goes, there was almost nothing that wasn't scary. Cake. Cupcakes. Cookies. Popcorn. Omg. Kill me now. I ate cake okay? And popcorn. It was my bachelorette party! Knock on wood, I'll only have one in my life!

But... now I hate myself. I never want to eat again. My heart is breaking. I just want to lose weight. It's not even fair! That's why I sent that message to my friend. I just want to stop existing right now. It's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake.

God... my freakin' neighbors are so irritating. It's 1:50am and someone just yelled "YEEAAHHHH" outside. Last night at EXACTLY this time there was a lady yelling "HELP!" outside. I guess her boyfriend wouldn't let her into their apartment or some shit. I don't even know. It was stupid. This neighborhood was sooooo quiet until this one particular couple moved into one of the flats right across the way. Things got remarkably louder right after that. The guy has a really annoying voice too. :( And their dog yips a lot.

Anyway, tomorrow I have my very first flying lesson. To be honest with you, I am not as excited as I feel like I should be. First of all, I'm not really into teeny planes, but I know that's where you have to start. But... I think I'm actually scared too. I know it will be okay but it's kind of scary. I love airplanes but I definitely am acutely aware that humans were NOT meant to fly.  To roughly quote a movie: "...if humans were meant to fly, God would have given us wings."

It's kind of like SCUBA diving. Breathing underwater is one of the strangest experiences I've ever had. Never in my life have I been so aware that I was doing something intensely unnatural. Ever since I was little the thing to do when completely submerged in water is hold your breath! Not breathe deeply and evenly! It's the most bizarre feeling! Really fun, but very odd for sure. It's like snorkeling x1000.

In unrelated news, my shins are fucking killing me. I'm laying perfectly still. Nothing is moving but my fingers, typing. And my right shin is just radiating pain. Ugh.

In more unrelated news, I am considering going back to Paleo. One of my friends who came over for the party has lost a BUNCH of weight on Paleo. I don't know how many pounds but I'd guess maybe 15 or 20? Big change. I can't remember the last time I saw her... maybe like a month and a half ago? Must be something more than just Paleo. Anyway... it triggered me a little but mostly intrigued me. I'll think about it.

Okay... I should go to sleep soon since I have to be up at 7:25am. Also, I'm starting to not make sense. Please cross your fingers for me. I need all the help I can get.

XO!!! <3