Nothing Makes Sense

This is going to be a pretty random post, I can feel it!  Just FYI.

I feel wrong. 
I don't understand how things can slip away so fast.  I was having a skinny day just the other day!  Where the fuck did it go??  Now I look (to myself) like a huge piece of lard with clothes on!  I just want it to STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to be skinny, damnit!  That's all.  Why is that so much to ask?  I don't often publicly have these please-oh-please sessions, and I try not to have them in my head very often either, but here comes one now... oh well.  All I can do is hang on and try not to lose my mind.

I feel insane.
How can things really be like people say they are?  How can I really look like that to myself and then look totally different to another person?  I have perfect vision!  This should not be possible!  

I just read this book:

It was pretty good until the last like 1/6 of it.  It seemed like King got tired of writing and it just kind of fizzled out.  Still worth the read though.  It definitely makes you think!

Also, here is one of the next 2 tattoos I'm getting:

Can anyone tell me what it is the logo for?  I'll put the correct answer in the next post.... if anyone even reads this crap.  LOL!

The other (next) tattoo I'm getting is going to be:
N62407
which is the tail number of the little Cessna 172 I took my first flying lesson in. :)  Corky will have a "matching" one only his will say N738ZC.

I have a confession to make:  I am not sure I want to recover.  It seems too risky.  I see so many pics of people I know who had eating disorders and have recovered and are fat now.  That's too scary for me.  There.  I've said it.  Can't take it back now (well, actually I can until I hit "publish" but I won't take it back.  It's the truth.)  I wish I could have some kind of guarantee that I won't be fat.  Actually, how about I just don't gain any weight at all?  That works for me!