6 Months - Good Job Mama

Miss Mara Soleil turned 6 months old last Saturday.  I realize that was nearly a week ago and I've been slacking on my timely posting of her monthly pictures but.... I have a 6 month old who is extremely wiggly, active, alert, busy and almost always AWAKE! Lol.  It's hard to find time to do a lot of things. Like clean, cook and sort through our massive piles of stuff to get ready for this garage sale we're having on June 12th. 

Anyway, here is Mara's 6 month picture and stats from her doctor appointment yesterday:

Weight: 20lb 4.5oz

Length: 27.5 inches

Head: 44cm

Mara likes solid food. Her favorites are mum-mum, oat cereal, apple, apple/mango/carrot, blueberry and peach.  She can sit up by herself for long periods of time. She doesn't roll much but is starting to attempt to army crawl.  She loves baths, nursing, stroller rides and pulling mommy's hair.  She has 2 teeth and chews on everything!  Generally she is a happy baby and sleeps well.  We are so blessed and we love her so much! 

Smiling at herself at the doctors office yesterday. 

In other news, my mom, Mara and I are going to Seattle, WA next Friday (one week from today). That should be fun.  I haven't been to Seattle since last year when I was pregnant with Mara but didn't know it and I was soooo miserable.  I'm positive this trip will be better!  Also, 61 days til our Connecticut trip end of July. Yay! 

The title of this post says "Good job Mama" because people keep saying that to me when they find out how big Mara is!!  I guess I can see why... I do have to work hard to keep my supply up and nurse her all the time but... it still feels weird when people say that.  I'm like, "I did not do anything! She is just growing!" Lol.  It seems odd to me that peoples' first reaction when they find out her size is to comment on what a good job my boobs are doing! (Currently "dairy cow-ing" as I type). 

Busy morning. Taking Corky's car to Kia to get a new windshield as an early first Father's Day present for him.. His has had a giant crack all the way across it for over a year and it drives me crazy!  For one thing, it's not safe! For another thing, when I drive his car it's difficult for me to see because the crack is right at my eye level. It doesn't bother Corky as much because he's like 7-8 inches taller than me, so he can see right over it but I can't.  Then take him to work, drop Mara at my mom's, go teach Zumba and then pick Mara up.  Then when he's off at 5, pick him back up because he won't have a car.  Whew!  Not as busy as Wednesday when I had a PT appointment, a chiropractor appointment and had to meet the appraiser at the condo we are renting out.  And all of that AFTER teaching Aqua Fit at 9!  I didn't stop moving like the entire day lol.

Including today, 3 more days of May! Wow!!! Where is the time going?  Mara will be one before I know it. 

Little creature after her bath, posing with mommy. :) I love her so. 

Picture Dump

Mara on Mother's Day, hanging out on the couch with Daddy. I told them both to smile - at least one of them listened! 

Biggie girl playing with her toys

My kid is like half the size of me. 

Weeeee! Mara at a picnic 5/17/15

6 months old... lookin' like her daddy in that bottom pic! 

Gasp!!! You caught me eating Mum-mum!

Rolling away mid-diaper change is the most fun game ever, at least in Mara's opinion! Mommy doesn't share that view all the time. ;) 

Sleep deprivation at its' finest! 

To add on to the previous pic.....

Mara decided mommy was not allowed to sleep last night, but instead needed to be a sentinel all night just in case monsters were residing in the closet unbeknownst to us all.  We camped out on her bedroom floor on a comforter where she slept and I doubled as a milk bar and a bodyguard. Lol!!

Mara and daddy hanging out at a coffee shop. 5/24/15

Mara rockin the aviators.

In other news, I'm going to Seattle next weekend (June 5) with my mom and Mara. Should be fun! 

Ghosts Again!

Well... I guess I should start by saying I'm not sure that ghosts are in fact what I'm dealing with.  I'm also not sure a "haunting" is as permanent as people often seem to think.  A drive-by haunting? Lol!  Sounds funny, right?  But is it such a weird idea, really?  If all ghosts are is energy, and energy is moving all around (electricity for example) then why couldn't some hauntings be fleeting?  Like a ghost made a bump in the night as he was just passing through your house on his way to wherever.  Like he was zooming by, in his ghostly way, and happened to bump a table with his energy and knock something off of it and then just continue on his way.  And then you're there thinking OMG my house is haunted! But it never happens again. 

I can't remember if I wrote about this or not (and frankly I don't have the desire to go hunt for it in the archives) but there's a spot in the living room that Mara always stares at and smiles, coos and giggles.  I always just assumed it was my grandma.   Mara didn't do it all the time, just occasionally.  And there aren't any windows, lights or colorful things over there.  It's just a fireplace.  So I figured it was grandma, popping in to say hi and check on Mara and me. 

One night a few months ago, Corky was in the bathtub and I was brushing my teeth.  It was probably around 10:30pm, Mara was in bed. I heard a crash downstairs.  The dogs were asleep on the bed.  I looked at them to see if they reacted but they stayed asleep.  Had I imagined it?  No, I was sure I had heard something.

"Did you hear that?" I asked.

Corky looked up from his Kindle. "Hear what?"

"That crash downstairs."

"No, I didn't hear anything."

"It sounded like someone knocked something over.  And the dogs are up here!"

I decided to go investigate.  Corky wanted to do it but I vetoed that.  For one thing, he didn't have any clothes on and for another, he would drip water everywhere.  As it turned out he jumped out of the tub, dried off quickly and followed me. 

I arrived downstairs in the dark, and everything was quiet.  I turned on the kitchen lights and the living room light.  Corky appeared at the bottom of the stairs behind me (ever the protective husband) and we looked around.  Everything seemed to be in place.  We ventured into the living room.

"Corky, look!" I exclaimed, pointing.

A picture frame hung empty on the wall.  The picture (a landscape of trees and crows that his mom painted for us as a housewarming gift) stood on the floor, propped up against the leg of the desk that the picture frame hung above. 

THAT was weird. For 2 reasons: first, how did the picture come out of the frame all by itself after it had been hanging there, intact, since last spring?  Second, how did the picture clear the desk, hit the floor, and manage to prop itself up nicely against the leg?

The weirdest coincidence?  It was near the grandma corner. The picture hangs on the wall about 6-7 feet to the right of where Mara looks, perpendicular to the direction she is looking so I know she's not actually looking at the picture. 

The whole thing just gave me a chill - the same chill I remember feeling as a child in my parents house when something weird would happen.  (See April 2013 archives for the blog post about "Paul".) 

Mommy's big girl

Dear Ed

The other day I wrote a letter to my eating disorder (also known as "Ed".  I know, not a very original name but... whatever!) and the words surprised me.  I feel like I've been going along saying, "I'm all better!" out loud ever since pregnancy but in my head I've been saying "I'm still sick!"  Those 2 statements ARE mutually exclusive.  If you're even still a little sick you cannot be "all better."  But the quantity of "sick" can change and means that improvements are possible.  It's not like pregnancy.  Either you're pregnant or you aren't.  You can't be "a little" pregnant!  

When you're heading out of "sick" and into "well" (the word recovery makes me cringe) there's a lot of gray area there.  You can say "I'm still a little sick" or you can say "I'm doing some better."  The second one sounds more positive, wouldn't you agree?

My Dear Ed letter (which I destroyed after writing, for fear that Corky would find it) started off something like this: "Dear Ed, please don't leave me."

.....................what?

"But Kate," you say, "I thought you didn't want to be sick anymore!"

I don't!

"I thought you wanted recovery!"

I do!

"So then why did you write that?"

I have no idea! It just came out!

So then I have to call into question that statement three lines above.  Do I really want recovery?

Here is the honest answer (and maybe you'll think this is my eating disorder talking but I'm not about to start arguing about THAT one): I do not want recovery if it means I will be fat.

I am SORRY!  That is the TRUTH!!!!!!  The raw and honest TRUTH!  Judge me all you like for saying it but that is my truth.  

My Dear Ed letter went on to say something like, "I know that you can't be out in the open like you used to but you don't have to leave.  I can hide you.  Corky and Mara can never see you but I can!  We'll just have to be sneaky."

Okay... so maybe that is a little worrisome.  But seriously... Ed is like my security blanket!  I don't know how to live without it and I don't always want to learn.

All of that being said, though, take a look at my actions.  I made it through 9 months of pregnancy, WITHOUT THE HELP OF A NUTRITIONIST!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did it all on my own.  I gave birth to a healthy, almost-9-pound baby.  Obviously I did something right.  Now that baby is almost 6 months old.  I've been nursing her for her entire life.  This baby is now over TWENTY POUNDS and is almost 2 and a half feet tall.  Go ahead and tell me I'm unable to do it.. I f*cking dare you! (not you guys, just, you know, hypothetically.) 

Obviously, despite my ambivalence on "recovery", I am doing something right.  But will I be able to sustain it after I'm done nursing, whenever that is?  Maybe not.  Do I want to?  Maybe not.  To be honest.

I saw some old pictures of myself recently, from before Ed, and UGH!!!!!!!!!! I was hideous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never, ever, ever EVER want to look like that again!  That just reinforced in my mind that Ed did me a huge favor and I cannot afford to let it go.

Me posing with my mom's

Mother's Day gift

5.10.15

Photobooth

On Mother's Day, when we went to the zoo, my mom and I decided to go into a photobooth!  Here is the result:

Mother's Day 2015

Well... this was my first ACTUAL Mother's Day.  I mean, that pertained to me.  Last year was questionable, although I believe that you are a mother as soon as you put your child first, regardless of whether or not that child is born yet.  But that's just my opinion.  This year was unmistakeable - I'm a mom! 

We started off the day leisurely at home.  Mara woke up, I brought her into the bedroom and the three of us hung out for a little bit before we went downstairs. I pumped and Corky gave Mara a bottle.  Then I went to my parents' house to give my mom her gift while Corky got Mara dressed and tended to the bulldogs.

My parents, my sister and I met Corky and Mara at a coffee place near their house.  There we got breakfast and coffee.  I took a few picture of my mom and my sister with Mara. 

Then we went to the zoo.  Unfortunately I don't have any pictures from that.  My mom took several on her camera so hopefully she'll email me them soon and I can put them up.  

After the zoo, Corky, Mara and I went to his mom's house to give her the gift we had for her. It was a flower pot with Mara's footprints on the side in the design of a butterfly.  I bought a purple plant and we set it inside.  It was cute.  They gave me a bunch of stuff to make Mara homemade baby food.  Corky got me a random smattering of gifts: a water bottle, a phone case and an iTunes gift card.  Since Mara is too little to make me gifts, I guess I get the real deal in the meantime.  I didn't ask for anything, I just wanted experiences. But I appreciate the thought! 

After hanging out there for a while, we went to dinner at Black Bear Diner.  I got fruit and an English muffin.  Then we went home, gave Mara a bath, played with her, put her to bed and went to bed early.  It was perfect! 

Thoughts on Being a Dairy Dispenser

I would have made the title of this post "Thoughts on Being a Dairy Cow" but I'm sure people would've interpreted that the wrong way, this being primarily an eating disorder blog and all.  In reality, if I had indeed said that, the "cow" part would've been incidental.  I guess I could say "dairy goat" because people drink goat's milk.  The word dairy just means it's from the milk of a mammal.  I'm a mammal.  I make milk.  So that's dairy.  Dairy cows are just what we are most familiar with.  And besides all of that, if I did say I was a dairy cow that would actually be fine since a lot of times dairy cows have bony hips.  So there.

Anyway!  Moving on.  Mara is almost 5 1/2 months old now.  Tomorrow she'll be exactly  5 1/2 months.  Her main source of food is: Me.  She does eat some solids but mainly she eats breast milk.  I actually wouldn't have her eating solids as much as she is except for the fact that she's HUGE for her age and is so hungry that milk alone just doesn't cut it anymore.  I mean, seriously, the kid is tall.  I haven't measured her because she's also incredibly squirmy and it would be difficult to get an accurate measurement of her, but her next pediatrician appointment is May 28th and I'm sure they'll find she's grown since her last one back in March.

It's clear to me that my milk is of at least decent, if not high, quality.  I'm hesitant to say it's of high quality because that feels like bragging, but let's look at the evidence (i.e. Mara and her growth).  And what's wrong with bragging about that a little bit? I work hard for every ounce I produce!  I put healthy food into my body, drink water, and minimize the amount of fake crap I eat/drink.  I have drastically cut back my artificial sweetener consumption.  Not cut it out completely, but definitely reduced it by a lot.  Instead of drinking diet soda, I'll drink La Croix which has no sweeteners, no sodium and no calories.  I do have splenda in my coffee occasionally but I try to go with real Stevia whenever possible.  There is sucralose in my yogurt but that's pretty much the only thing with that in it that I eat anymore.  I take my vitamins every day.  I take fenugreek pills.  I pump regularly to keep my supply up.  Those things all take work and I do them on a daily basis.  I think I've earned the right to say, "My milk is of high quality," don't you think?

Here's another fact, and it might surprise you: I actually really love nursing.  Pumping I don't love so much, except when I'm really overdue for it and feeling desperate (then the sound of the pump is music to my ears) but I really love the act of nursing.  I love seeing Mara root around for it, find it, latch on, and her little body relaxes in my arms.  She makes the cutest faces while nursing.  And her little hand goes wandering all over the place - touching my face, tapping my sternum, opening and closing her fist around the strap of my nursing tank, tangling in my hair, or even grabbing my lip or nose.  She went through a phase where her nervous system was developing and she'd whack me with that hand, repeatedly, but now it's more gentle in it's exploration.  She often falls asleep nursing.

I also love comfort nursing.  When she bumps her head or doesn't feel good, she grabs at my shirt, pulling it down, asking to nurse.  I love that when she needs comfort, she knows Mommy will provide it.  I don't love it so much when she pulls my shirt down in public (which has happened a few times) but what can you do?  Lol.  Lately, in her sleep regression, the only way to get her to sleep has been to nurse her to sleep laying down.  That is possibly the cutest thing ever.  Her little body curls up against mine and I see her nurse like crazy and then slowly... slowly... slow down and slowly.. slowly.. slowly... close... her..... eyes... and she's out.  Cutest. Thing. Ever.

It's going to be a sad day when I no longer can nurse her.  I'm sure the hormones will be a kick.  But mostly I'll miss that connection.  But I know it'll be okay.  There are other ways to connect with her.  It just makes me sad to imagine a day when she'll be big enough, grown up enough, not to need me like that anymore.  But that day is not today.  So for today, and all the following today's before that day, I'll just nurse her.  And I'll enjoy every minute of it. :)

Mara pictures

Just because I'm so smitten with my baby girl.... Sorry if these are repeats any of them. I can't remember which ones I've done already! Lol

My 5 month old is wearing size 12-18 month pajamas in this pic.

Looking like her daddy.... EXACTLY like her daddy! 

Mara and my parents

"Mommy I want your phone!" -Mara

Mara and her buddy Lennon had a date at the park :)

Hanging out on the bed with daddy

Part of Mara's lunch 

Concentrating on her seahorse toy. 

Food as Art

Tonight I was trying to hard boil some eggs and boil and purée some carrots, and needed to keep Mara occupied and happy while I was at the stove.  I plopped her in her high chair and gave her some spoons to play with.

However, she kept flinging them onto the floor.

The escapee plasticware

So I decided to give her something a little more interesting to play with..... prunes! 

She did some fruity fingerprinting and painted her high chair brown.

"Do you like it Mommy? I call it, Ode to a Shriveled Fruit That Has Been Puréed!"