I would have made the title of this post "Thoughts on Being a Dairy Cow" but I'm sure people would've interpreted that the wrong way, this being primarily an eating disorder blog and all. In reality, if I had indeed said that, the "cow" part would've been incidental. I guess I could say "dairy goat" because people drink goat's milk. The word dairy just means it's from the milk of a mammal. I'm a mammal. I make milk. So that's dairy. Dairy cows are just what we are most familiar with. And besides all of that, if I did say I was a dairy cow that would actually be fine since a lot of times dairy cows have bony hips. So there.
Anyway! Moving on. Mara is almost 5 1/2 months old now. Tomorrow she'll be exactly 5 1/2 months. Her main source of food is: Me. She does eat some solids but mainly she eats breast milk. I actually wouldn't have her eating solids as much as she is except for the fact that she's HUGE for her age and is so hungry that milk alone just doesn't cut it anymore. I mean, seriously, the kid is tall. I haven't measured her because she's also incredibly squirmy and it would be difficult to get an accurate measurement of her, but her next pediatrician appointment is May 28th and I'm sure they'll find she's grown since her last one back in March.
It's clear to me that my milk is of at least decent, if not high, quality. I'm hesitant to say it's of high quality because that feels like bragging, but let's look at the evidence (i.e. Mara and her growth). And what's wrong with bragging about that a little bit? I work hard for every ounce I produce! I put healthy food into my body, drink water, and minimize the amount of fake crap I eat/drink. I have drastically cut back my artificial sweetener consumption. Not cut it out completely, but definitely reduced it by a lot. Instead of drinking diet soda, I'll drink La Croix which has no sweeteners, no sodium and no calories. I do have splenda in my coffee occasionally but I try to go with real Stevia whenever possible. There is sucralose in my yogurt but that's pretty much the only thing with that in it that I eat anymore. I take my vitamins every day. I take fenugreek pills. I pump regularly to keep my supply up. Those things all take work and I do them on a daily basis. I think I've earned the right to say, "My milk is of high quality," don't you think?
Here's another fact, and it might surprise you: I actually really love nursing. Pumping I don't love so much, except when I'm really overdue for it and feeling desperate (then the sound of the pump is music to my ears) but I really love the act of nursing. I love seeing Mara root around for it, find it, latch on, and her little body relaxes in my arms. She makes the cutest faces while nursing. And her little hand goes wandering all over the place - touching my face, tapping my sternum, opening and closing her fist around the strap of my nursing tank, tangling in my hair, or even grabbing my lip or nose. She went through a phase where her nervous system was developing and she'd whack me with that hand, repeatedly, but now it's more gentle in it's exploration. She often falls asleep nursing.
I also love comfort nursing. When she bumps her head or doesn't feel good, she grabs at my shirt, pulling it down, asking to nurse. I love that when she needs comfort, she knows Mommy will provide it. I don't love it so much when she pulls my shirt down in public (which has happened a few times) but what can you do? Lol. Lately, in her sleep regression, the only way to get her to sleep has been to nurse her to sleep laying down. That is possibly the cutest thing ever. Her little body curls up against mine and I see her nurse like crazy and then slowly... slowly... slow down and slowly.. slowly.. slowly... close... her..... eyes... and she's out. Cutest. Thing. Ever.
It's going to be a sad day when I no longer can nurse her. I'm sure the hormones will be a kick. But mostly I'll miss that connection. But I know it'll be okay. There are other ways to connect with her. It just makes me sad to imagine a day when she'll be big enough, grown up enough, not to need me like that anymore. But that day is not today. So for today, and all the following today's before that day, I'll just nurse her. And I'll enjoy every minute of it. :)
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