Gosh you guys, I'm sure sorry for all the brain dump posts these days. But my head is so full of stuff that I have to get it out somehow. Writing it out helps, for whatever reason, and although it may be boring, that is the purpose of this blog. I am a real person with real struggles and day to day crap to deal with. So this is my life. Broadcasted out via my blog. It is what it is.
1) Work. Since passing my exam, I've been taking steps to secure a job as a personal trainer. On Wednesday night I spoke to the training director at one of my gyms and got the ball rolling, so to speak, on potentially working there. It was fortuitous that I started talking to him that night because he said he's in need of a female trainer by the 1st of January. So he's going to talk to his boss and then get back to me. I'm still waiting for my certificate to come in the mail so I'll have my Cert ID #. Without it I can't apply for jobs. So I have to wait a little bit longer, but that's okay. In the meantime I'll brush up on my skills and prepare for my interview. Not too stressful there.
2) Money. There's really never enough of it. Try as I might to make it stretch, my account balance goes lower and lower all the time. It's tough this time of year. Car insurance and property taxes both fall in November every year. I think that's cruel. Right at the time of needing to do holiday shopping, BAM! You have to shell out a few grand for property taxes and car insurance. Lame! And we have the added expense of Mara's birthday this month. More on that in a minute.
3) Food. I would consider myself "recovering." Not "recovered," not "in recovery," but "recoverING." For me, it's a constant process. There is no end destination, at least not that I'm aware of. I am constantly fighting negative self-talk, negative body image, urges to restrict or over-exercise. I am not always successful. I'm pretty good about not restricting, but the over-exercising part is where I sometimes slip up. It's just so easy to over-exercise when you work in a GYM. Multiple gyms, in fact. It's just so easy to go 20, 30, 45 minutes before class and hop on the elliptical or treadmill. It's so easy to stay 15 minutes after class and do a weights routine. To say nothing of teaching Zumba and dancing in front of a wall of mirrors for an hour, once or twice per day. There's no shortage of sub jobs for me to pick up, so I can end up teaching 10 or more classes in a week. No problem.
Is this healthy? Yes and no. I know many other instructors who do similar things and who don't have eating disorders (as far as I'm aware). Now, I can't tell you what goes on in their minds, but from the outside looking in, they seem okay. Healthy. "Normal" even. But who knows? Maybe the reason they're doing extra workouts and sub jobs is because they want to go out for Taco Tuesday with their friends and drink a bunch of margaritas? Or maybe it's because they had a fight with their spouse that morning and need to blow off the steam. Or maybe they're frustrated about the political situation in the USA right now (God knows I understand that) and have to take it out somewhere. The point is, there are many reasons for exercising more than the "normal" amount on any given day, not necessarily related to an eating disorder, but I can't sit here and tell you that MY reason is anything other than ED related. I'd be lying.
All I can say for sure about this is that a) my weight is stable and fine, b) I'm not getting a ton of comments from others about needing to eat more (which was happening before) and c) I'm able to keep up with Mara and all my other daily activities without too much trouble. Some caffeine supplementation is necessary most days. Lol!
4) Holidays. Unlike many people with eating disorders, I actually LOVE the holidays. I love Thanksgiving. It doesn't cause me too much stress. I don't find that I feel as though I've overeaten on Thanksgiving. I really couldn't tell you why that is, as Thanksgiving is often a huge stressor for people with eating disorders. At any rate, Thanksgiving this year is going to be a little..... interesting.
Without going into too much detail (for privacy reasons), I will gloss over the situation. The current plan is to have my parents, my sister, my mother-in-law (whom I like!) and my brother-in-law (whom I also like!) here at our house for Thanksgiving, obviously in addition to Corky, Mara and me. It's not too big of a deal. My MIL and BIL will hopefully do most of the cooking. My BIL is actually an awesome cook and always makes "Kate Food" for me (meaning mashed cauliflower and steamed green beans instead of mashed potatoes and green bean casserole).
The bigger issue is Mara's birthday, which falls the day before Thanksgiving this year. I've told my family (in-laws included) that Mara will only be getting a "big" party every 4 years. On the other years, such as this year, she will get a small, family-only party including dinner and cake, ONE gift that everyone can contribute to, and then ONE small outing with a friend or two that does NOT include gifts or cake. An example of that would be going to the Children's Museum or OMSI with a school friend or our neighbor who is a year older than Mara.
Well, my MIL seems to be having a hard time grasping the fact that I don't want her to get Mara anything else aside from contributing to the big gift. The big gift this year is a playhouse with a slide, and it's going to go in the garage because Oregon is too wet to have it out back in the wintertime. So we need to buy those rubbery mats that you see on the floors of gyms to go underneath it. My parents have bought the playhouse, so my MIL, BIL, Corky and I will contribute to the floor mats. Well, that's apparently not sufficient for MIL who keeps asking me what else to buy Mara for her birthday. I'm getting annoyed and keep telling her "nothing!" but she doesn't seem to believe me! Lol. Guess I'll have to keep working on that.
On the plus side... I've had a bit of free time since not having to study anymore. My house is the cleanest and most organized I think it's ever been! So there's that!
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