Quiet

I've been quiet.  It's not that I don't have anything to say... I do... it's just that I don't think anyone's listening.  Maybe I'm just feeling underappreciated in other aspects of my life and it's bleeding over into the blogisphere/youtubesphere, but there you have it.  I feel like I'm talking to walls all day.

There are so many things stressing me out that I don't even know where to begin.  And who cares anyway?  Why do I even write this blog?  Why have I kept up this same thing for all these years?? I don't even know.  I guess maybe I just tell myself that someone somewhere someday is going to read it and feel like they're not the ONLY one.. same as my YouTube channel.  It feels ridiculous, at this moment, to think that anyone would care what's going on in my daily life.

That being said, writing things out helps.  It gets it off my chest.  It doesn't work the same, for some reason, to stand alone in a room and talk to myself.  I guess because I feel like I'm talking to myself all day even when amongst people, but here on the internet.... well... I can tell myself, sure, people are reading this... and I can believe it because I don't know one way or the other.  I don't know whether to believe it or not, so I'll just believe it.

1) Personal Trainer Exam.  Wednesday, November 9, 2016 at 9:00AM.  This is it.  This is what I've been studying for the past SIX months for.  It all comes down to this.  A 90 minute test.  I don't know whether I'll know that day if I passed or if they'll make me wait.  The study guide is not helpful because it seems to be for a different edition of the book than the one I have.  So I'm just flying blind, really.  I've never taken an exam like this before.  No study guide, no map.  Just me, a giant text book, and 180 days.  The organization through which I'm taking the exam is known for having the most challenging test in the industry.  That being said, it's accredited and it'll look good on my resume to have it.  So that's that.

2)  Election.  I'm not going to get into politics because, as I may have mentioned before, it makes me want to SCREAM.  But.  Neither candidate is good, in my opinion, but a 3rd party vote is not an option.  So I voted.  But I'm extremely nervous.  No matter who wins it's going to be a scary 4 years.  Seriously.  What a shit show.  Nearly 320 million people in the United States and these are the best candidates we could come up with?!  How did this happen?  And the weird thing is, everyone I talk to is like, how the hell did this happen? So if nobody knows how this happened, then when the hell actually HAPPENED here? 

3)  Frank.  I cannot housebreak him.  I love him to bits but... he's ruining my house.  We've tried everything... trainers, treats, sprays to deter him, positive reinforcement, kenneling... you name it.  Either he doesn't care at all or he's the densest dog that ever lived.  I'm not sure which is worse...

4)  Full House.  Due to circumstances that I'll not go into on here, I've got a house full of people for the foreseeable future.  In addition to myself, Corky, Mara, Abby and Frank, I've got an additional 2 adults and 1 dog.  We have only 4 bedrooms... if you do the math you can ascertain that all of them are filled.  That means 2 more people's worth of showers (and water bill), electricity (and the corresponding bill), groceries (which, interestingly, no one else seems keen on replacing...) and noise at all hours of the day and night as people rumble around before dawn getting ready for work.  And that's not even mentioning the 3 extra sets of muddy footprints that decorate my floors on a daily basis because we live in Oregon where the ground is basically mud from about October to June.  And wouldn't you know it, I appear to be the only person in the place that knows how to use a vacuum and mop....

5)  Money.  There's never enough of it.  My bank account is dwindling and my car so rudely  keeps needing gasoline and our fridge has the audacity to keep needing to be stocked.  It's ridiculous.. I feel like I should get a mulligan or a freebie or something because half the meals I make for Mara she turns her nose up at (despite the fact that she herself requested that very meal just minutes before) so they either get dumped into the garbage or Frank gets ahold of them.  

Hi, I'm a mom and my hobbies include making food that no one eats, talking to myself and stepping on legos all day long. 

I'm not trying to make this post into one big bitch-fest but... damn... I'm feeling beaten down.  Mara's behavior is a whole other thing but I don't feel like getting into that just now............