Nouveau.
Or, as they'd write in Russia: HOBO. I had to laugh when I was in Moscow and saw a store named that. It just looked funny.
Lots of things are new around here. First of all, I'm typing this on my brand new Macbook Air!!! It's silver and shiny and thinner than a piece of Texas Toast. I was almost afraid to open it because I thought I'd snap it in half.
Another new thing - group! My therapist has been getting after me for more than a week now about going to this group she runs for people with eating disorders. I don't like groups, typically, because I can be a little on the fiery side and people tend not to like that when they're spilling their innermost thoughts and feelings in front of 8 or 9 other people they barely know. But finally I agreed to go. So that's tomorrow. We shall see how that goes.
A third new thing... job! I got a new Zumba Instructor job. I now teach every other Sunday morning, alternating weekends with my good friend. :) So that's good. My treatment team will yell at me but... I don't care. They seem to want me to jeopardize my career and I'm just not really into that.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
La Catrina
Create.
Tonight... I do not know what came over me. I opened to a new page in my sketchbook, picked up my pencil and started drawing. Over an hour later, I came back to reality and stared in shock at my page. This is what I saw....
....I cannot believe I drew that.
Funny story about the La Catrina head/face/skull thing. So I have this skeleton doll that looks like La Catrina that I got at Halloween time. Here is a picture of it:
Anyway, my dog (an almost 1 year old French bulldog named Abigail) has an aversion to anything that is out of place. So one night, my fiance was going to take Abigail out to do her business, and I grabbed the skeleton doll and ran outside and put it on the sidewalk in the glow of the streetlight. I then started taking video on my phone as Abby started up the sidewalk. She saw La Catrina, standing there, spookier than God knows what, and started doing this warning bark. It sounds like "Uff! Uff! Bah! Boof!" Somewhere between a bark and a huff. So cute. Eventually she got brave, marched up to La Catrina and, in the process of sniffing it, knocked it over on the sidewalk. She was very proud of herself.
Here is a link to the video (sorry it's so dark) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeLyqmBTXwM
And, lastly, here is a picture I captured while walking around downtown in the fall. Cool, huh?
Tonight... I do not know what came over me. I opened to a new page in my sketchbook, picked up my pencil and started drawing. Over an hour later, I came back to reality and stared in shock at my page. This is what I saw....
....I cannot believe I drew that.
Funny story about the La Catrina head/face/skull thing. So I have this skeleton doll that looks like La Catrina that I got at Halloween time. Here is a picture of it:
Anyway, my dog (an almost 1 year old French bulldog named Abigail) has an aversion to anything that is out of place. So one night, my fiance was going to take Abigail out to do her business, and I grabbed the skeleton doll and ran outside and put it on the sidewalk in the glow of the streetlight. I then started taking video on my phone as Abby started up the sidewalk. She saw La Catrina, standing there, spookier than God knows what, and started doing this warning bark. It sounds like "Uff! Uff! Bah! Boof!" Somewhere between a bark and a huff. So cute. Eventually she got brave, marched up to La Catrina and, in the process of sniffing it, knocked it over on the sidewalk. She was very proud of herself.
Here is a link to the video (sorry it's so dark) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeLyqmBTXwM
And, lastly, here is a picture I captured while walking around downtown in the fall. Cool, huh?
Happy Hanukkah
Chag Hanukkah Sameach!
Happy Hanukkah to all my fellow Heebs! May the next 7 nights be filled with joy, laughter, dreidels, latkes (if you so desire) and happiness!
Last night my fiance and I went to my parents house to celebrate. It was so great. My mom had bought a cake so I was a little uneasy about that, as well as the challah (bread) but it all turned out okay. I made baked latkes (recipe at the bottom of the post, with my modifications in italics) which are much "safer" than fried ones! We lit the candles in the menorah, said the blessings, ate dinner and then opened gifts.
By the time we had finished clearing the dishes, my sister (age 16) was practically beside herself with impatience. I already knew what she was getting for Hanukkah and I had been teasing her, saying things like, "I know what you're geeeettinnngggg! You're gonna freak ooouuutttt...." in a sing-song voice. So she was pacing the floor.
Finally the moment arrived... I placed a huge wrapped box in her lap. The look on her face when she opened her XBOX was priceless. People, this is what Hanukkah and Christmas should be about! My sister has had her fair share of struggles, so to see her beaming with excitement and hugging the box to her chest made it feel like all the stress and bad feelings we've all experience right along with her just melted away. I almost didn't even want to open my present at all because I didn't want anything more in that moment than to just bask in the glow of a happy, semi-functional family for a few minutes more.
However, I am ever so glad I did open my present. My parents are amazing... I can't even express it. I almost fainted when I opened the wrapping paper to find a Macbook Air! I could not believe my eyes. Yes, my laptop is basically from the Mesozoic Era and it's like 2 feet square and three inches high (haha) but I never dreamed I'd get a Macbook Air!!! I do not care if that is the only present I get for the next five years! I am so, so happy.
My dad got 2 books (he's a bookworm,) my fiance, Corky, got part of a roof-rack for his car to hold snowboards and such. For my mom, I had ordered a silver necklace in the infinity symbol (like "forever" not the car symbol lol) with 4 birthstones on it. My dad wanted the birthstones to be just the ones in our family, so Corky's is not on it. Peridot, Ruby, Peridot, Turquoise. My dad, me, my sister, my mom. She loved it.
So now, I am typing on my ancient laptop for the last time (I hope.) Let's hope the Macbook isn't smarter than me! (Well, it is, but.. you know what I mean.)
Baked Latke Recipe
You will need:
-1 lb russet or yukon gold potatoes
-1 small onion (or use onion powder to taste)
-1 large egg (egg white works too)
-1 tsp baking powder
-1 tsp salt
-3 Tbsp all purpose flour
-Baking sheets
-Parchment paper (optional)
-PAM cooking spray or shortening (PAM is safer, but shortening works better)
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 425F
Wash and grate the potatoes (I also peeled them) and onion (if you're using it.) Put in colander and press with a paper towel to remove moisture. Stir and repeat 3 times. Transfer to large bowl.
(If you're using onion powder instead of onion, put it in after you've soaked the moisture up from the potatoes. Use as much or as little as you want, but remember, a little goes a long way when in comes to onion powder!)
Stir egg into potato/onion mixture.
Mix dry ingredients in a small bowl and stir into potato mixture.
Drop mixture in 2-3 Tbsp measures onto pan (I put parchment paper and then sprayed THAT with PAM, otherwise they stick horribly), forming 3 inch pancakes that are about 1/4 inch thick. A little thicker is okay. Remember, these latkes don't spread so feel free to make them close together!
Bake 15-20 minutes, turn pancakes and bake an additional 10 minutes or until deep gold on both sides.
Can be served immediately or at room tempterature.
(They're really good with unsweetened applesauce and/or sour cream.)
Happy Hanukkah to all my fellow Heebs! May the next 7 nights be filled with joy, laughter, dreidels, latkes (if you so desire) and happiness!
Last night my fiance and I went to my parents house to celebrate. It was so great. My mom had bought a cake so I was a little uneasy about that, as well as the challah (bread) but it all turned out okay. I made baked latkes (recipe at the bottom of the post, with my modifications in italics) which are much "safer" than fried ones! We lit the candles in the menorah, said the blessings, ate dinner and then opened gifts.
By the time we had finished clearing the dishes, my sister (age 16) was practically beside herself with impatience. I already knew what she was getting for Hanukkah and I had been teasing her, saying things like, "I know what you're geeeettinnngggg! You're gonna freak ooouuutttt...." in a sing-song voice. So she was pacing the floor.
Finally the moment arrived... I placed a huge wrapped box in her lap. The look on her face when she opened her XBOX was priceless. People, this is what Hanukkah and Christmas should be about! My sister has had her fair share of struggles, so to see her beaming with excitement and hugging the box to her chest made it feel like all the stress and bad feelings we've all experience right along with her just melted away. I almost didn't even want to open my present at all because I didn't want anything more in that moment than to just bask in the glow of a happy, semi-functional family for a few minutes more.
However, I am ever so glad I did open my present. My parents are amazing... I can't even express it. I almost fainted when I opened the wrapping paper to find a Macbook Air! I could not believe my eyes. Yes, my laptop is basically from the Mesozoic Era and it's like 2 feet square and three inches high (haha) but I never dreamed I'd get a Macbook Air!!! I do not care if that is the only present I get for the next five years! I am so, so happy.
My dad got 2 books (he's a bookworm,) my fiance, Corky, got part of a roof-rack for his car to hold snowboards and such. For my mom, I had ordered a silver necklace in the infinity symbol (like "forever" not the car symbol lol) with 4 birthstones on it. My dad wanted the birthstones to be just the ones in our family, so Corky's is not on it. Peridot, Ruby, Peridot, Turquoise. My dad, me, my sister, my mom. She loved it.
So now, I am typing on my ancient laptop for the last time (I hope.) Let's hope the Macbook isn't smarter than me! (Well, it is, but.. you know what I mean.)
Baked Latke Recipe
You will need:
-1 lb russet or yukon gold potatoes
-1 small onion (or use onion powder to taste)
-1 large egg (egg white works too)
-1 tsp baking powder
-1 tsp salt
-3 Tbsp all purpose flour
-Baking sheets
-Parchment paper (optional)
-PAM cooking spray or shortening (PAM is safer, but shortening works better)
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 425F
Wash and grate the potatoes (I also peeled them) and onion (if you're using it.) Put in colander and press with a paper towel to remove moisture. Stir and repeat 3 times. Transfer to large bowl.
(If you're using onion powder instead of onion, put it in after you've soaked the moisture up from the potatoes. Use as much or as little as you want, but remember, a little goes a long way when in comes to onion powder!)
Stir egg into potato/onion mixture.
Mix dry ingredients in a small bowl and stir into potato mixture.
Drop mixture in 2-3 Tbsp measures onto pan (I put parchment paper and then sprayed THAT with PAM, otherwise they stick horribly), forming 3 inch pancakes that are about 1/4 inch thick. A little thicker is okay. Remember, these latkes don't spread so feel free to make them close together!
Bake 15-20 minutes, turn pancakes and bake an additional 10 minutes or until deep gold on both sides.
Can be served immediately or at room tempterature.
(They're really good with unsweetened applesauce and/or sour cream.)
Friday, December 7, 2012
All Grown Up
Credit.
What a freaky word. I don't even like the way it feels in my mouth. Credit... creditcreditcredit. Bleh.
This morning I got an oh-so-nice (are you drowning in sarcasm yet?) wake-up call from a lady who said she was from my bank but I heard the distinct crackle of the line and the accent that just screamed "DUBAI! DUBAI!" Anyway, she told me that my debit card had potentially been compromised. I didn't know whether to believe her or not, but she told me she was going to close my card and that I had to go to the bank and get a temporary one until a new one could be sent to me within 30 days. I figured if it was a hoax then a) I'd figure it out at the bank later and b) if it was, there wasn't really anything I could do to stop her over the phone AND thousands of miles away.
Well, as it turned out it wasn't a hoax. Something about that parking meter on 16th and Johnson stumped that bank! Never mind the fact that I have used that same parking meter probably a dozen times in the last 3 months... but whatever. So I was talking to the personal banker, a girl who is probably younger than me but with infinitely better fashion sense. She asked me if I was interested in a credit card.
Why yes, actually, I am interested.
I have been meaning to work on my credit for a while now. I don't have bad credit... oh no. Worse.. I have NO credit! Anyway, she explained some options to me and I tried to figure out what was a marketing ploy and what was real. I think I actually did a pretty good job. So anyway, I made some decisions and submitted an application. The system took the application and instantly (and I do mean instantly) spit back a counter-offer. Because I have no credit, I have to put down a deposit and then, when I've proved myself worthy, I'll get the deposit back and graduate to a real credit card. I read the fine print and was satisfied with the situation. So I submitted the application for that card and am now waiting for either confirmation or denial.
Damn... I feel all grown up and shit!
What a freaky word. I don't even like the way it feels in my mouth. Credit... creditcreditcredit. Bleh.
This morning I got an oh-so-nice (are you drowning in sarcasm yet?) wake-up call from a lady who said she was from my bank but I heard the distinct crackle of the line and the accent that just screamed "DUBAI! DUBAI!" Anyway, she told me that my debit card had potentially been compromised. I didn't know whether to believe her or not, but she told me she was going to close my card and that I had to go to the bank and get a temporary one until a new one could be sent to me within 30 days. I figured if it was a hoax then a) I'd figure it out at the bank later and b) if it was, there wasn't really anything I could do to stop her over the phone AND thousands of miles away.
Well, as it turned out it wasn't a hoax. Something about that parking meter on 16th and Johnson stumped that bank! Never mind the fact that I have used that same parking meter probably a dozen times in the last 3 months... but whatever. So I was talking to the personal banker, a girl who is probably younger than me but with infinitely better fashion sense. She asked me if I was interested in a credit card.
Why yes, actually, I am interested.
I have been meaning to work on my credit for a while now. I don't have bad credit... oh no. Worse.. I have NO credit! Anyway, she explained some options to me and I tried to figure out what was a marketing ploy and what was real. I think I actually did a pretty good job. So anyway, I made some decisions and submitted an application. The system took the application and instantly (and I do mean instantly) spit back a counter-offer. Because I have no credit, I have to put down a deposit and then, when I've proved myself worthy, I'll get the deposit back and graduate to a real credit card. I read the fine print and was satisfied with the situation. So I submitted the application for that card and am now waiting for either confirmation or denial.
Damn... I feel all grown up and shit!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Judgement Day
Guten Morgen!
I don't speak Norwegian or Swedish or whatever language that was in... I just didn't want to write "good morning" again, since I wrote it the other day.
Okay. Let's talk about discrimination and judginess. (Yes, I know "judginess" is not a word, but hey, everything's a word - it's just not in the dictionary!) I have a friend who made an amazing video once about discrimination towards obese people. I've made at least one video myself about discrimination against underweight people or people with eating disorders. The two concepts are not so very different (my friend's video and mine, that is.)
I don't understand why it's generally accepted in most of society today that discriminating against someone for the color of his or her skin is wrong, discriminating against someone for their gender is wrong, discriminating against someone for a disability is wrong, but it is still acceptable to discriminate openly about people because of their size.
THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!
Since I can only speak for myself, I will use myself as an example. There are several things about me as a person that can be used to stereotype me. I am young, female, blonde, dare I say attractive (hey, it's what I'm told, all right?), slender/thin, anorexic, Russian by blood, Jewish by nurture, and intelligent.
Now... take a look at that list and it won't take you long to find things that don't seem to match up. But yet, they are all fact (except for the attractive thing, because that's a matter of opinion.) For example, I'm blonde and Jewish. Those two typically don't go to together. So someone might look at me, see my incredibly aryan features, and assume I celebrate Christmas only. Then, they might look closer and see the Star of David necklace around my neck.
Probably the funniest one for me is what happens at school every single term. I am pretty quiet in lectures, I don't often raise my hand to speak or state my opinion or willingly answer questions. I tend to sit in the back corner of lecture halls or classrooms, and I often stare into space while the teacher is talking. I take notes, but not fervently. I have literally seen many people's faces shift, including the instructor's, when I do raise my hand and open my mouth and say something. The looks they wear are clearly saying, oh shit, there's a brain behind that face! It's hilarious. The reason they look this way is because typically people don't expect blonde, pretty and intelligent to come together all in one package.
Or, in the words of my wonderful fiance, "you're only blonde until you open your mouth."
Great, right? I love it. It never fails to amuse me.
But here's another thing: I hate when people assume I'm just genetically, naturally thin. On the one hand, it's nice to know that people think I'm thin. But at the same time, they are dismissing all my hard work and willpower. I will NEVER apologize for my body. People have been jealous of me, and made that known. I refuse to apologize because I work hard, damnit. I'm not naturally like this. It takes work, every single day. I go to Zumba. I run. I walk. I do ab workouts. I watch what I eat (okay.... I have an eating disorder, whatever. Still doesn't mean it's easy!) It drives me batshit crazy when people complain about being fat and then go eat cookies and can't understand why they are the way they are. Don't judge me as a skinny bitch just because you're not. That's not my fault. I try not to judge people unless they judge me first. I'm not perfect at it, but that's my aim.
I am going to leave you with a picture I saw on facebook yesterday. It seems to fit perfectly with this.
I don't speak Norwegian or Swedish or whatever language that was in... I just didn't want to write "good morning" again, since I wrote it the other day.
Okay. Let's talk about discrimination and judginess. (Yes, I know "judginess" is not a word, but hey, everything's a word - it's just not in the dictionary!) I have a friend who made an amazing video once about discrimination towards obese people. I've made at least one video myself about discrimination against underweight people or people with eating disorders. The two concepts are not so very different (my friend's video and mine, that is.)
I don't understand why it's generally accepted in most of society today that discriminating against someone for the color of his or her skin is wrong, discriminating against someone for their gender is wrong, discriminating against someone for a disability is wrong, but it is still acceptable to discriminate openly about people because of their size.
THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!
Since I can only speak for myself, I will use myself as an example. There are several things about me as a person that can be used to stereotype me. I am young, female, blonde, dare I say attractive (hey, it's what I'm told, all right?), slender/thin, anorexic, Russian by blood, Jewish by nurture, and intelligent.
Now... take a look at that list and it won't take you long to find things that don't seem to match up. But yet, they are all fact (except for the attractive thing, because that's a matter of opinion.) For example, I'm blonde and Jewish. Those two typically don't go to together. So someone might look at me, see my incredibly aryan features, and assume I celebrate Christmas only. Then, they might look closer and see the Star of David necklace around my neck.
Probably the funniest one for me is what happens at school every single term. I am pretty quiet in lectures, I don't often raise my hand to speak or state my opinion or willingly answer questions. I tend to sit in the back corner of lecture halls or classrooms, and I often stare into space while the teacher is talking. I take notes, but not fervently. I have literally seen many people's faces shift, including the instructor's, when I do raise my hand and open my mouth and say something. The looks they wear are clearly saying, oh shit, there's a brain behind that face! It's hilarious. The reason they look this way is because typically people don't expect blonde, pretty and intelligent to come together all in one package.
Or, in the words of my wonderful fiance, "you're only blonde until you open your mouth."
Great, right? I love it. It never fails to amuse me.
But here's another thing: I hate when people assume I'm just genetically, naturally thin. On the one hand, it's nice to know that people think I'm thin. But at the same time, they are dismissing all my hard work and willpower. I will NEVER apologize for my body. People have been jealous of me, and made that known. I refuse to apologize because I work hard, damnit. I'm not naturally like this. It takes work, every single day. I go to Zumba. I run. I walk. I do ab workouts. I watch what I eat (okay.... I have an eating disorder, whatever. Still doesn't mean it's easy!) It drives me batshit crazy when people complain about being fat and then go eat cookies and can't understand why they are the way they are. Don't judge me as a skinny bitch just because you're not. That's not my fault. I try not to judge people unless they judge me first. I'm not perfect at it, but that's my aim.
I am going to leave you with a picture I saw on facebook yesterday. It seems to fit perfectly with this.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Chicken
Surprise!
I chickened out. I wasn't good enough yesterday to risk getting on the scale today. I have a bit busier of a day today so perhaps I'll eat less, get my laxatives in and then get on the scale tomorrow.
Now, 2 things unrelated to scales.
First, this blog is called Haunted, is it not? I have said that it's about being haunted by ghosts and by worries/fears/ideas/etc. We've touched on that second category many times, but not so much the first. So I thought I would share with you one of my earliest ethereal encounters.
I was 11 years old, and sitting in my bedroom (which was the bonus-room above the garage.) Here is a diagram of what the room looked like.
I was sitting on the bed, reading, with my back against the long side wall. Suddenly, I heard a knocking sound. I thought it was my dad knocking on the door, so I called "Come in!" Nothing happened. I yelled it again. Still nothing. I went to the door that leads to the hallway, opened it, and nobody was there. So I went back to my book.
*Knock knock knock knock!*
"COME IN!!!" I hollered. Still nobody came in, of course. The knocking persisted, so I ran to the door and threw it open. And then something dawned on me.... there was nobody home but ME!
The knocking was still happening, and I got pissed off. I decided to figure out what was causing it, so I stepped back into the room and listened. I realized the knocking sound was coming from the wall I had just been leaning against. (The big X on the wall in the diagram indicates where the knocking was coming from.) On the other side of that wall is the attic space. I felt relieved, thinking it was probably a trapped squirrel or raccoon or something. So I went to the attic door in the corner, opened it, and poked my head inside and looked down along that wall. I froze.
The entire wall on the inside was made of insulation. Pink, fluffy, cotton-candy-like insulation. You cannot knock on cotton candy. That put the shocking realization in my brain that the knocking was coming from the sheet-rock side of the wall. And that meant that whatever was knocking was in the room with me!
By this time the knocking had stopped. I walked, shaking, back into my room. No sooner had I closed the attic door that the knocking started again. I knew what it was. I said, as bravely as I could, "You don't have to do this, I know you are here." And just like that - the knocking stopped.
Weird, huh? I actually caught that knocking sound on tape once, and played it for my dad (who is a firm skeptic.) He said, "oh, it's just YOU knocking." But it really, really wasn't.
The second scale-unrelated thing is that I drew another picture. It's eating disorder related, but not scale related. Here it is:
I chickened out. I wasn't good enough yesterday to risk getting on the scale today. I have a bit busier of a day today so perhaps I'll eat less, get my laxatives in and then get on the scale tomorrow.
Now, 2 things unrelated to scales.
First, this blog is called Haunted, is it not? I have said that it's about being haunted by ghosts and by worries/fears/ideas/etc. We've touched on that second category many times, but not so much the first. So I thought I would share with you one of my earliest ethereal encounters.
I was 11 years old, and sitting in my bedroom (which was the bonus-room above the garage.) Here is a diagram of what the room looked like.
I was sitting on the bed, reading, with my back against the long side wall. Suddenly, I heard a knocking sound. I thought it was my dad knocking on the door, so I called "Come in!" Nothing happened. I yelled it again. Still nothing. I went to the door that leads to the hallway, opened it, and nobody was there. So I went back to my book.
*Knock knock knock knock!*
"COME IN!!!" I hollered. Still nobody came in, of course. The knocking persisted, so I ran to the door and threw it open. And then something dawned on me.... there was nobody home but ME!
The knocking was still happening, and I got pissed off. I decided to figure out what was causing it, so I stepped back into the room and listened. I realized the knocking sound was coming from the wall I had just been leaning against. (The big X on the wall in the diagram indicates where the knocking was coming from.) On the other side of that wall is the attic space. I felt relieved, thinking it was probably a trapped squirrel or raccoon or something. So I went to the attic door in the corner, opened it, and poked my head inside and looked down along that wall. I froze.
The entire wall on the inside was made of insulation. Pink, fluffy, cotton-candy-like insulation. You cannot knock on cotton candy. That put the shocking realization in my brain that the knocking was coming from the sheet-rock side of the wall. And that meant that whatever was knocking was in the room with me!
By this time the knocking had stopped. I walked, shaking, back into my room. No sooner had I closed the attic door that the knocking started again. I knew what it was. I said, as bravely as I could, "You don't have to do this, I know you are here." And just like that - the knocking stopped.
Weird, huh? I actually caught that knocking sound on tape once, and played it for my dad (who is a firm skeptic.) He said, "oh, it's just YOU knocking." But it really, really wasn't.
The second scale-unrelated thing is that I drew another picture. It's eating disorder related, but not scale related. Here it is:
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Quandary
Dilemma.
BE ADVISED! Possible trigger warnings in this post. Numbers mentioned.
Thanks again to dictionary.com...
quan-da-ry
noun
A state of perplexity or uncertainty, especially as to what to do; dilemma.
You could say I've got a veritable quandary on my hands. I really really really want to know how much I weigh. But I'm indescribably terrified to know, at the same time. At treatment they told me I had weight restored somewhat. Not a whole lot, and I was still below my projected line, but some.
I've spent the better part of the last 30 minutes staring at a BMI calculator. At the height of 5 feet 4 inches, the lowest I can weigh and still be in the "normal" category is, according to Jenny Craig, 108 lbs. That would put my BMI at an even 18.5 which is the lowest end of "healthy." I would personally like to have a BMI of 18 even, which would mean I'd have to weigh 105.
Now, you'd think that since I'm only 5'4" that weighing 105 wouldn't be too difficult, right? Wrong! The thing you've got to remember is that I'm a Zumba Fitness instructor. My body has muscle on it, and that weighs more than fat.
Should I weigh myself? Should I just put on my big girl panties and see what that scale says? Maybe, maybe not. We'll just have to see what happens tomorrow morning... since that's when I weigh myself is first thing after I get up and pee. I can take some MiraLax tonight, hopefully get everything out of my system. Besides, whatever number I see could have been higher a week ago...................
BE ADVISED! Possible trigger warnings in this post. Numbers mentioned.
Thanks again to dictionary.com...
quan-da-ry
noun
A state of perplexity or uncertainty, especially as to what to do; dilemma.
You could say I've got a veritable quandary on my hands. I really really really want to know how much I weigh. But I'm indescribably terrified to know, at the same time. At treatment they told me I had weight restored somewhat. Not a whole lot, and I was still below my projected line, but some.
I've spent the better part of the last 30 minutes staring at a BMI calculator. At the height of 5 feet 4 inches, the lowest I can weigh and still be in the "normal" category is, according to Jenny Craig, 108 lbs. That would put my BMI at an even 18.5 which is the lowest end of "healthy." I would personally like to have a BMI of 18 even, which would mean I'd have to weigh 105.
Now, you'd think that since I'm only 5'4" that weighing 105 wouldn't be too difficult, right? Wrong! The thing you've got to remember is that I'm a Zumba Fitness instructor. My body has muscle on it, and that weighs more than fat.
Should I weigh myself? Should I just put on my big girl panties and see what that scale says? Maybe, maybe not. We'll just have to see what happens tomorrow morning... since that's when I weigh myself is first thing after I get up and pee. I can take some MiraLax tonight, hopefully get everything out of my system. Besides, whatever number I see could have been higher a week ago...................
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