Stimming

A few things worth mentioning before I get to the main topic of this post:
1) It's snowing!  Check out my Snow Shenanigans YouTube video Snow Shenanigans here. (Let me know if that link doesn't work or whatever.)
2) Personal Training (see last post) ummmm not so sure.  I'll make an entry about that someday soon, I hope.

Okay on to the regular topic now.

Every time my system is assaulted by something I can't stand, my body kind of goes a little crazy.  For instance, I can't stand the feeling of pressing my fingertips together.  I.  Can't.  Stand.  It.  I would rather die than have to press my thumb and first finger together (like the A-OK symbol.)  I cannot do it.  I just cannot.  Sure, there's nothing stopping my fingertips from being physically able to press together.  I just can't do it.  I'll die.

Same with teeth grinding.  If I grind my teeth, I'll die.  That sound will kill me.  I will throw up, cry, scream and faint all at the same time.  I know, I know, I sound like a total drama queen right?  But I'm being serious.  I will just explode.  I'll pop like a balloon.  I can't do it.  I can't I can't I CAN'T.  
Whenever I'm assaulted by things such as either of those (even watching someone press their fingertips together makes me want to throw up) my hands starting going.  They snap.  Scratch my pants.  Flick my fingertips.  Tap.  Slap the table.  Clap together.  They just go and go and go.  

Last night at dinner, I heard Corky's teeth grind and my stomach rolled and I started rubbing my hands on my jeans over and over and over.  This always happens.  I just can't stop!  

This is called "stimming."  I don't have Autism exactly (I have some aspects of it but what does that even mean? I do have Misophonia though) but rather I'm "hypersensitive."  Stimming for me is a calming tactic.  It's a soothing behavior.  My system is being horribly attacked by this sound/sight/feeling and so I repeat an action (snapping, scratching, clapping, tapping, etc.) in order to calm my nervous system down.  

The first time Corky saw me do this he thought I'd lost my mind.  To be honest, I never really noticed it!  It's just something I've always done.  It never occurred to me that it was different at all.  I never really even thought about it.  It's always been apparent to me that my brain works differently than most people's.  That's fine.  It would be nice if these things bothered me a little less but I guess I wouldn't be ME if they didn't... for the most part (love handles notwithstanding) I like myself just fine the way I am.