Okay. I *really* apologize in advance for this post. It's a little more complain-y than I usually like to be... but... this blog (and my YouTube videos) are about reality. And this is my reality.
I hurt!!!
The bones in my lower pelvis feel like they're being pried apart. Like a string is holding them together, and that string is pulled tight and is about to snap at any minute. And it fucking HURTS! But I can't do anything about that. Honestly, it feels like my pubic bone is on fire. It hurts to touch it. Forget about leaning against a counter or anything, if it touches anywhere near my pelvis I'll wince and step away. Just about the only thing that helps at all is warm baths.
It is terrifying.
You know what? I really wasn't scared much, up until recently. Recently, when people ask me how I'm feeling, I say something like, "Oh, not too bad. Just a little achy but it's okay."
And people, God bless their hearts, say things to me like, "Oh just wait until you're 7/8/9 months! It gets sooooo much worse!"
Or people say to me, "Wow, look at you!" I say, "I know, so big eh?" "Oh just wait! You'll be so big you can't even move!"
Or, my personal favorite (which happened last week), I said, "It's cute when Mara kicks me. Less cute at 2 a.m.!" "Oh just you wait until the kicking turns to crying!"
What is with all this negativity??? Is there really nothing to look forward to? I'm sure you think it's helpful, somehow, someway, to tell me "You'll be screaming for the epidural after five minutes!" Well, let me tell you something: it's not! Maybe I will be, maybe I won't be, but for God's sake don't say that to me! I wasn't scared until now. Now I'm dreading the next 3 months almost as much as the pain of childbirth, epidural or not!
But you know what? I'm not going to live in fear of this. I refuse to. I still find things to delight in every day. The time is passing quickly. 3 months is not forever, and this is NOT the hardest thing I've ever done.
But.. like I say all the time.... Pregnancy is NOT for sissies! ;)
People ALWAYS have to put their two sense in when it comes to pregnancy. I've had an epidural with all 3 of my kids and I got it before I was in too serious of pain. Just remember there is a cut off time for it. And there is plenty to look forward to. I know that I am so excited to have a newborn again, and twice as excited that I'm finally getting my girl. Just hold in there darling.
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