By A Thread

Continuation...
...of earlier post.

Well, actually, it's not so much a continuation as it is a reevaluation.  I started posting this morning feeling pretty good.  Then that text came about my job and it was all over.  I just wanted to go back to bed and have the day start over again and me not look at my phone....

Basically what happened is this:  one of my co-workers is moving away this summer.  She teaches Wednesday evening and Saturday morning Zumba.  I was told a few months back that I'd get her classes when she left.  Then, shortly after that, I was told that I would be getting the Friday night class (that I still have) and that another girl would be taking over Wednesday and Saturday.  Then, just a few weeks ago, I was told that I would, in fact, be taking over Wednesday and Saturday.  Then this morning, in a mass text, my boss told that other girl that she'd be getting them after all.  I AM SO PISSED!!!! I have had enough of being taken advantage of by everybody.

I was supposed to have my "friend" come do a photoshoot of Corky and me today.  Well.  She never showed.  Story of my life.  Honestly, it happens to me more than just about anyone I know.  Even my dad has said he agrees with that statement.  I was so irritated.  

Corky suggested we go to the Woodburn Outlet stores and then to see his friend (whose fiancée just gave birth to their 2nd child a few weeks ago) and then out for dinner before coming home to watch the Portland Timbers play the San Jose Earthquakes (they tied.)  So the day ended up being fine.  I got some clothes from the Forever 21 outlet store that are cute and weren't very expensive.  I called it "retail therapy."  We went to Red Robin for dinner.  I had salad.  All in all it was a pretty good time.  

All day long I've struggled to hang onto that thought of "I want joy. I want to be happy."  At one point I said to Corky, "I don't think being happy is something I'm allowed to have."  As I mentioned in my earlier post, I'm trying my damndest to find joy in little, everyday things and I feel like I'm meeting oppression or opposition in that endeavor everywhere I turn.  

As you'll see from the three photos I'm going to post in a second, I tried to elevate my mood by taking some funny pictures and some "I look skinny-ish" pictures, but ultimately it was art that helped.  I've been doodling in that small sketchbook I got the other day and it seems to help a little.

I have this weird, overwhelming desire to sell everything we own, buy a boat and go live off the coast of Hawaii or something.  I don't even know.

Good night world and may tomorrow be a better day. XOXO