Just So Sad

"Honestly, who gains weight after hot yoga?"  Those were the words I wailed to Corky this morning after getting on the scale for my weekly weigh-in.  

Now, I know this might come as a shock to you since you all know I have a pretty strong eating disorder, but I hate the scale.  It is not my friend!  I wouldn't want to get on it at all except that I kind of have to in order to make sure I don't gain or lose (although losing would be nice) too much weight before my wedding so I can fit in the dress without hearing the dreaded words, "we'll have to let this out a bit."  I think that if I heard that I would die on the spot.  My heart would just stop and I'd fall over.  Dead.

So, imagine my horror this morning when I got on the scale (after hot yoga last night!) and found that I weigh 1.6 (that's nearly 2) pounds more than my pre-measurement weight.  I know, I know.... 1.6 lb is not a lot.  Could be water weight.  Could be that I have to poop.  I know.  But my eating disorder does not operate rationally like that.  I saw that number and freaked the f*ck out.  

To add to the horrendousness of the moment, Corky had just told me right before, "I'm pretty sure you've lost weight.  You look tiny."  Oh, I was hoping SO HARD that he was right.  That just made the let down of seeing that higher number that much harder.

So!  Today I have to be really strict with my food.  I used to teach 2 Zumba classes on Friday but now I only teach one (great...) so that means I have a lot of free time.  It's fruits, veggies, rice cakes and chew & spit for me today!  On the plus side this means I have more free time to bake... I love to bake but never eat it.  Maybe I will make carrot cake for my dad's office, or cookies for my sister.  :)  It's kind of like living vicariously through someone else.

I also plan to drink my weight in water today.  Flush some stuff out, maybe.  Currently I'm having coffee (1/4 c. nonfat milk and 2 stevia) which is about 25 calories.  However, after this coffee, I'll drink nothing but water and green tea all day.  

I know I said I do "weekly weigh-ins" but when the number does something nuts like this I do daily weigh-ins instead.  I'll keep you all posted on how it looks tomorrow.  I swear to God if it goes up again.................... (I'll just leave that hanging for you all to decide the ending!)

xo Happy Friday!