Paleo Day 3

I can't move.

I cannot move from this chair.  My foot is asleep.  I can't move.  My butt is numb.  I still can't move.  I am so unbelievably, viciously hungry.  I can't move from this chair because if I move, my stomach will become a giant black hole and I am terrified to think of what I'd do. Maybe, as long as I sit perfectly still here and move only my fingers and blink my eyes, it will be manageable.  

All my life I've been weird in this way: fruit and vegetables have the opposite effect on me as they do on most people.  To my intense horror, fruit and vegetables don't really fill me up.  They leave me hungrier!  As a person with an eating disorder, I can hardly think of anything worse.  I remember being in sixth grade and telling my mom I was hungry one night.  I asked her if I could have cereal or toast or something.  She said no, that I'd had enough carbs for one day, and that I should have an apple or a banana or some carrots or something.  I remember telling her, "Mom, those don't fill me up.  They make me just as hungry!  I might as well not eat anything at all!"

Corky has just gone to the store to get me earplugs because the construction people come banging away with their hammers at 6:45am sharp.  As he was leaving, he said, "do you want me to get you anything else while I'm there?"  It took every ounce of will power in me to say "no thank you."  I would seriously DIE for a bowl of cereal right now.  Oh my fucking god.  How many times today have I thought to myself, why did I think Paleo was a good idea?  I am so hungry I cannot believe it.

On a side note about the construction ridiculousness: they come with their beeping machines, loud hammers, rumbling trucks at 6:45am.  They make a racket that is impossible to sleep through.  And then, by 8:00am, they are silent.  WHY???  

To make matters worse, my sleep cycles are very odd.  I don't get past stage 1 (or that weird awake/asleep state) until about 1:00 or 2:00am.  So that puts my stage 4 and 5 (deeper, dreaming sleep) at 4:00 or 5:00am and then again at 6:00 or 7:00am - right when the construction people show up.  I've been deprived of at least one deep sleep stage per night for over a year now because first they were building more flats across the road.  Then they built the garages for those flats.  Then they built some more flats across the other road.  Then the garages for those flats.  And now they are building.... a shopping center.  And more flats.  Across yet a third road.  The shopping center is several acres in size.  And they are building all the roads for it.  And they are about 1/12 done with the whole thing.  

Please, someone put me out of my misery.  Or just give me some cereal, that would be fine too.