Missing You

Dear Grandma,

Is it weird that I write you letters?  I hope not.  I miss you a lot.  Every day I think of you.  I hope you get those thought messages.  I love you!!

We have a running joke in the family that if you were alive today, you'd "chase me with potatoes."  My dad told me how when he first brought my mom home to meet you, you worried because she was thin.  He said that you would urge her to eat.  He says you'd worry about me if you were here today.

He also told me the story about Grandpa and how he liked his steak basically charred.  He said that when you and Grandpa were out here, he took you to Seaside.  You went to a restaurant and Grandpa ordered a steak "well-done."  He said he took the waiter aside and said, "cook it well-done, cut it in half and cook it again."  The waiter brought the steak back and it was completely black.  You could have used it as charcoal to write with.  Grandpa said it was the best steak he ever had!  After that experience, my dad said you would cook Grandpa's steak, but then my mom would cook hers, my dad's and yours.  That's so funny!  You were such a great mom and wife.

Remember when I was a little kid and you used to play "upsies" with me?  You would sit on the couch and I would stand on top of your foot and hold your hands.  You'd raise your leg in the air, with me on it, and go "hup!"  I would laugh and laugh.  I remember that.  I also remember when cousin B used to take me "flying down the hallway" in your apartment building before you moved into the nursing home.  She would hold me and gallop down the hall going "badoom badoom badoom!" as we went.  I thought it was hilarious.

Grandma, if you were alive today, would you be mad that I have an eating disorder?  Considering all you went through with the war and being hungry.  I hope you understand, wherever you are now, that I don't mean to have this problem.  I'm not trying to be disrespectful or thoughtless.  I feel guilty about it all the time.

Every day I wish you were still here.  But I think you kind of ARE still here!  You're in my dad, Aunt E, cousin B, cousin J, and in me.  My dad says that I have a lot of similar qualities to you and Grandpa.  I take that as a compliment.

I love and miss you.  Please come visit me again soon.  I will be waiting.

Love,
Me