Random Pics & Vegas Tomorrow

Las Vegas tomorrow! OHMYGOD. 

Here's some random pics for you, as I run out the door to an appointment. Byeeee!

3/26/13

Gluten Free PB/Choc Chip/Pecan cookies

Story of my life.

Rant.  (Possibly post about this later)

 

SOOOO GOOD!!!!!

Have a nice day!

I love stupid surveys

You know those dumb surveys that flew around on Myspace and now on facebook?  Well... I think those are fun.  Maybe I just like answering random questions.  So here's one!  I got it off a website.  Just for the hell of it.  Feel free to take it off of here and use it for inspiration for bloggers block, just leave me your blog url in a comment so I can read it too :)  'Cause it's fun, ok??

This is seriously going to get personal, you ready?
If you were caught cheating, would you fess up? Would I have to?  I was caught, right??
The last time you felt honestly broken? Yesterday.
Are you craving something? Food-wise?  Subway!!!
If you could have one thing right now what would it be? Subway...?
Would you rather have ten kids, or none? If those are the only choices, then none.
What do you hear right now? Frogs outside!
Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No, the head of it is against one wall only.
What’s on your mind right now? I think I'm fat.
Are you there for your friends? I try to be.  I hope I'm successful!
Last person to see you cry? Corky.
What do you do when you get nervous? Play with my hair or bite my lip.
Be honest, do you like people in general? How can I answer this?  I don't know.  I get frustrated with "people" sometimes.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? 27
Does anyone completely understand you? No.
Do you have a reason to smile right now? Yes, always!
Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? Yes
Would you be happier if life had a rewind button? I doubt it!
Do you tell your mum or dad everything? Everything? No.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? Yes.
Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone? Likely.
This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Well, I got engaged a year ago Thursday so.... yes. haha.
Do you think more about the past, present, or future? Past, for sure.  And it's bad for me.
How many hours of sleep do you get a night? Between 5-7
Are you easy to get along with? That depends!  Most of the time, I am.  But I can be a little fiery too.
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? No!
What was the last drink that you put in your mouth? Lol... diet coke. :)
What size bed do you have? California King (be jealous)
Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? Before!!! It's freezing!!!
Do you like the rain? I don't have a choice.  I live in Oregon!
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably abstractly.
Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? All. The. Time.
Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither? Maybe both.
Who were you last in the car with, besides family? My friend A.
What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who? The Call, with Corky.
Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend? Yes.
Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Yes.
Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party? No. I don't have enough friends for that.
Do you regret a past relationship? Sometimes.  But that gets me nowhere.  I choose to learn from it and be better rather than bitter.
Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party? Probably concert, if I had to choose between those 2.  But I do like clubbing sometimes...
Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? I used to, but now obviously not.
Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry? Not that I'm aware of!
Do you care too much about your appearance? YES
Are you a jealous person? I can be.
Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Yes, some stuff from Pacsun and Zumiez.
Do you miss anyone? Yes, many people.
Last person who made you cry? My sister.
Does your ex piss you off? No, I don't talk to many of them, but the ones I do I get along fine with.
What are you doing tomorrow? Teaching Zumba, doctor's appointment, therapy appointment and hot yoga :)
Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week? I'm engaged, so this doesn't apply to me.
Is there anyone you want to come see you? Yeah, my bestie G will come May 31st and I can't wait!
Have you ever been cheated on? Yes. It sucks.
Ever given your all to someone who walked away? See above.
Do you like cotton candy? Not really.
Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with? Corky, about capital punishment.
Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17? I'm 25....
Do you have siblings? Yes.
Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? Yeah lol and hope I didn't drool!
How has the past week been for you? Typical!
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? No... does my fiance count though?
What’s on your mind right now? I still think I'm fat.
What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching "Dark Minds"
What is your current mood? Guilty (food related) but semi-content.  And excited.
Who was the first person you talked to today? Corky. I said, "I gotta go now."
Will this week be a good one? Pretty good.
Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? Got fitted for my wedding dress.  So glad that's out of the way!
Who were you with last night? Corky.
Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No, we just fell asleep. Lol.
Next time you will kiss someone? In a little bit.
Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy? The first kiss? Boy (unless it's a lesbian couple, in which case that doesn't apply!)  After that? Doesn't matter.
Do you have any plans for the weekend? Viva Las Vegas. <3

In 2 Days

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

-Winston Churchill

 

I Wave Goodbye When Butter Flies by Jack Prelutsky

I wave good-bye when butter flies
and cheer a boxing match,
I’ve often watched my pillow fight,
I’ve sewn a cabbage patch.
I like to dance at basket balls
or lead a rubber band,
I’ve marvelled at a spelling bee,
I’ve helped a peanut stand.

It’s possible a pencil points,
but does a lemon drop?
Does coffee break or chocolate kiss
and will a soda pop?
I share my milk with drinking straws,
my meals with chewing gum,
and should I see my pocket change,
I’ll hear my kettle drum.

It makes me sad when lettuce leaves,
I laugh when dinner rolls,
I wonder if the kitchen sinks
and if a salad bowls.
I’ve listened to a diamond ring,
I’ve waved a football fan.
And if a chimney sweeps the floor,
I’m sure the garbage can.


---------------------------------------------

That poem by Jack Prelutsky has been one of my favorites for several years.  It's so funny!  I especially love the last line.  What a hilarious dude.

I also have the entire Jabberwocky poem memorized.  I have a lot of things memorized!

In 2 days, on Thursday morning, my parents, my sister, her friend L, my friend A and me are all flying to Las Vegas.  I really want to lose weight before I go.   Sorry, this post is kind of all over the place.

HA! Corky is cuddling on the couch with Abby (our dog) under a blanket, and he just farted under the blanket and Abby came rushing out.  Must've been a bad one.  LOL!  That reminds me of a funny video..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4kyKNNM8Yo

I have a few appointments tomorrow (Tues 3/26) and Wednesday (3/27).  I see my prescriber tomorrow for the first time in like 6 or 7 months.  Hopefully she'll be able to help with my spaciness!  Cross your fingers for me, pleeeease!  I also see my dietician.  Now that will be fun.... not!  I like my dietician, I just don't like seeing a dietician!  She's a nice person though, so that's good.  I don't mind her, just her profession. :)

So... TV show.  "Dark Minds."  Kind of good...?  Having exhausted most On Demand shows and the new season of NCIS not coming out until God knows when, we've been exploring Investigation Discovery.  Lots of murder/true crime shows.  Dark Minds is interesting because the guy (M. Something Phelps or something..) uses "contacts" to help him get "into the mind" of cold-case serial killers.  The twist?  His "contacts" are incarcerated serial killers!!!  They can give insight that might help investigators solve crimes.  Kind of a cool idea!  The "contacts" have code names such as The Raven and Thirteen and their voices are altered.  I think one of them is Joel Rifkin.  I saw a documentary on him and his syntax is similar.  M. Whatever Phelps is kind of obnoxious but... I do like dramas and true crime.  I mean, of course it's very sad that those people are dead.  But.  Anyway.

Speaking of dead and such, for those of you who pray, would you mind very much sending a quick prayer up for my friend A's little cousin?  He got hit by a car in the end of January and his future is uncertain.  Here's a website about him: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/Help-Orest-overcome-his-Tramatic-Brain-Injury/49006
If you're not the praying type, could you maybe just send a good vibe into the universe for him?  He's only seven.  Thanks!

I AM SO TIRED!!!!!!!!!!  I'm just tired.  Totally tired.  My body is like "nope!" whenever I ask it to do anything.  I went to step down a curb earlier and almost fell on my face!  I taught a Zumba class at 4:30pm and then went to A's at 6:00pm.  At a few points I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the 2nd class.  On Wednesday I have to teach the 4:30 one AND the 6:00pm one!  And then go to hot yoga!  That will be a crazy, crazy day.  I also have a doctor's appointment (Naturopath) and a therapy appointment that day.  Starbucks will love me on Wednesday. LOL!  Everyone else.. not so much. 

Goodnight! XO


Shocker

Trigger warning!!!!

This both horrifies me and makes me want to go on an all-fruit diet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NZMBzcevFc

Weigh Day #3

The number is in.....
....aaaaand I'm good.  Thursday, March 7th, the day before my wedding dress measurements, I got on the scale.  I did it so I'd know just about where I need to stay, weight-wise, in order for my dress to fit in a few months time when it's ready for me to come try on.  So every week, on Friday or Saturday, I drag my sorry ass out of bed in the morning, go pee, and get on the scale.  Just to make sure.

The following week, Friday, March 15th, found me one pound heavier than on the 7th.  I freaked right out.  I was careful that day, and weighed myself again the next morning.  I had lost 0.4lb.  Thank goodness!

Which brings me to this week.

Last night we (Corky & I) went to hot yoga for the 2nd night in a row.  The teacher from the first night, M.E., told us that the first class is the hardest to get through and the second class is the hardest to come to.  She was wrong!!!!! Last night, the second class, was the hardest 90 minutes of my life!  I almost fainted on 3 separate occasions.  It was awful!  Never in my life have I been so sweaty!  I never knew until the last few days that a person could sweat out of their kneecaps! I felt soooooo good afterward though.  Totally cleansed and detoxed.  I came home, peeled off my totally soaking wet clothes, took a long hot shower (because of course by the time you get home you're freezing cold!) and got into my pajamas.  The class was at 8:15pm, so we didn't get out of there until about 10pm.  Of course I don't want to eat that late, so I went to bed feeling totally, completely clean, inside and out.  I didn't eat, and I was scared to even drink any water because I knew I had to weigh myself in the morning.

At about 7:45am, I woke up out of a freaky dream where my sister H was about to die in a fire and I dragged her out in the smoke.  The construction site next to my house was already active, the beeping of huge machines and pounding of hammers echoing through the cold air outside.  I knew it was Weigh Day.  I'd been dreading it all week.  I was so fucking certain that I had gained a ton of weight.  Lifting the blankets off my body felt like lifting the lid of a sarcophagus.  My whole body creaked as I grudgingly dropped my legs over the side of the bed.  The carpet felt like knives.  "I just want to go back to sleep," I whined inside my head.  I felt like I was walking to the electric chair as I slunk out of the bedroom and into the guest bathroom where "The Apparatus" (as my naturopath says, LOL!) is housed.  I peed, flushed, and stared at the scale.  A line from The Princess Diaries popped into my head.  When the Queen is waiting for Mia at the ball, and thinks she isn't going to show up and therefore the Queen has to make the announcement that Mia has chosen not to be the Princess of Genovia, she looks at the clock and says, "Very well.  Then it's time."

"Then it's time," I whispered to myself.  I shed my pajamas, took out my hair-tie, even took off my ring!  No extra weight on me anywhere.  Inhale.  Exhale.  I slowly put one foot, then the other, onto The Apparatus.  The scale burst to life.  Numbers appeared on the screen, changing... changing... leveling out, dropping down a little, going back up a little.  Point 9, point 4 appearing after the number, finally settling on point 6.  Blink.  Blink.  The number blinked up at me, matter-of-factly.  

1.2 lb down from March 7th.  Under the weight where I was measured.  By a whole pound point two.  

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Weigh day is over for now.

Safe Foods

Disclaimer!!!! I am not trying to promote anorexia/bulimia/any eating disorder.  This is not a PRO post.  Don't like, don't read.  Also, this is all my opinion.  If you don't agree, then that's fine.
(photos taken by me.)


Okay.  The other day (Tuesday, I guess) I had some time on my hands and I was at a grocery store.  Recipe for disaster?  Maybe.  But not that day.  I decided to "investigate" foods.  This means scrutinizing the nutrition facts on the packages of many foods.  

I also recalled recently a request posed to me on my YouTube channel (katenotkatie87) to make a video of my "safe foods."  I haven't done it yet, mostly because I don't often keep most of my safe foods in the house all at one time.  I guess I could make a list... but anyway.  So I decided to make this post, for now.  I went through the grocery store and looked at foods that are a lot of times "off limits" for me and found "safe" ones.  Pictures are posted below.

Like I said in my disclaimer up there, this is not a pro-anorexia post.  I'm not saying everyone should eat these "safe foods" only.  I'm saying that I am cognizant of the fact that there are people out there with eating disorder, like ME!  Knowing that these foods exist might make me more likely to eat them - whereas if I didn't know about them I might have eaten nothing.  

The categories are: soup, crackers, juice, waffles, "ice cream" and frozen.  The pictures come in twos.  The first one will be of the front of the product (so you can see the name, brand, etc.)  The second picture is of the nutrition facts so you can see what's in it.  (There is one product that I didn't take a picture of the back of.  It's one of the ice creams.  You'll see.)

The Crackers

1)

2)

3)

4)

5)

The Soup

1)

2)

3)

4)

The Juice

1)

2)

The Waffles

1)

The "Ice Cream"

1)

2)

3)

The "Frozen"

1)

2)

Recurring Dreams

I have no idea what's up with this, but I have 2 recurring themes  of dreams.  Not the same dream itself, over and over.   But the same theme.  

One is that I'm my age now but going back into some really low grade in school.  Sometimes it's 5th grade, sometimes its higher up like high school, but I'm always my age now - 25 - and going back into that grade.  And I'm always nervous about it.

The second is airplane crashes.  Sometimes I'm in the plane, sometimes I'm not.  Sometimes someone I love is in the plane.  I remember one very vivid one where my sister was in the plane with me and I lived and she didn't.  The heartbreaking pain I felt was so real at the time that I felt it for hours after waking up.  It was as if she had actually died!  In another dream, I was at a hotel by the pool with my dad.  I looked up and saw a huge jet with the United logo on the tail flying crazily in for a landing at the nearby airport.  In the dream, I said to my dad, "oh, it looks like he's experiencing some rough crosswinds!"  Then the plane stopped still in the sky and spun downward like one of those things off an Oak (?) tree.  You know, the ones that look like little propellers?  Like that.  It hit the ground and broke into 3 pieces, the cockpit snapping off like a pencil tip.

I read one website that says that represents my lofty goals and dreams falling flat.  I'm not so sure!  I do have lofty goals and dreams, for sure.  But I don't really feel like they're falling flat.  I have a job that I love, a fiancé that loves me, a wedding coming up, financial stability (at least for now).... what else could I really ask for?  I have dreams, sure.  I want to present at a Zumba Conference someday.  I want to be well-known like Gina Grant.  I want to have children (human ones, not feathered, furry or scaly), I want to get my B.A.  But... life's not really that bad.  I have an eating disorder, but.. I function.

I find it helpful to look on the bright side I guess.  I've been through a lot of crap.  I'm better for it.  I could be bitter or better.  I try to be better.  I don't always succeed.  But I know that I'm stronger because of what I've been through.  I can deal with a lot.  I've grown, and therefore changed.  They're not mutually exclusive!  People forget that sometimes.  But deep inside I haven't changed.  There's still that fire burning in there.  I'm a Leo, what do you expect? Lol.

Old Pictures (Trigger Warning)

Early spring 2007 (March/April?)

Spring 2007

Late fall 2006 (November?)

December 2006

November 2006

November 2006

November 2006

Summer 2007 (I had a really bad headache)

Winter 2006 (turning 2007)

September 2006, the beginning of the end

October 2006

December 2006

January 2007

January 2007

Fall 2006

Early September 2006 (early on)

October/November 2006

Early October 2006

October 2006

This kills me.  I am crying.