Vista (Almost) Strikes Again

I am still waiting.

I am still waiting for some camera crew to jump out from behind a bush somewhere and say, "Just kidding!  We got you!"  That would be a relief, actually.  Well, not so much anymore, but yesterday I would never have been so pleased to have been tricked in all my life.

For those of you who are new to my blog and haven't read all the archived entries, pause here, go to January and read the entry called "The Vista Bridge."  Go do that now, if you haven't read it.  This entry will still be here when you're done, promise. ;-)  For those of you who have read it, just continue on now.

It took me quite a while to gain the courage to drive under that bridge again.  In fact, I still get the heebie-jeebies every time I come around that corner onto Jefferson Street and see it straddling the road.  Out of habit now, I glance up at it.  I don't know why, exactly.  I guess I'm afraid a body is going to come plummeting off of it and either hit the road in front of me or, worse, smash through the windshield of my car.  Unlikely, I know.  But it still freaks me out.  But gradually, over the course of the last month, driving that route to and from my therapists office became easier and less panic-inducing.

Until yesterday.

I went to my appointment at 2:00pm yesterday.  I was feeling pretty good, actually.  I had gone shopping, had lunch with a friend (which I almost never do,) had plans to bake a carrot cake with my mom and then finish off the day with a Zumba class with my awesome friend A.  The day was looking quite promising.

I left the office, got in my car, drove onto 21st, turned left (onto some street I don't know the name of), turned right onto 20th and then right again onto Jefferson.  Instinctively I looked up at the bridge as I got closer to it.  Suddenly I couldn't breathe.  My blood flashed to ice and my heartbeat kicked up high.  I clutched the steering wheel and hit the brake.  I stared up out of my windshield at the bridge, in shock.

There was someone standing up there!!!!!!

It was a young woman.  She wore a gray hooded sweatshirt, had brownish hair pulled back in a ponytail, appeared to be wearing jeans, and was standing there, staring out over the railing.  I was 120 feet below her, but I could see that she was not smiling.  Maybe she's just.... taking pictures of the view... I told myself.  But even as I thought that I knew that is not what she was doing.  It was gray and rainy yesterday, very drizzly, very Oregon!  I knew her view up there wasn't that great.  In horror I watched her raise one leg and prop it up on something.  

Then a strange thing happened.  I realized I was yelling.  I was yelling, over and over, the name of the girl who jumped on January 22nd, the girl whose dead body I saw splattered all over Jefferson that awful Tuesday afternoon.  "ARIS!" I screamed in my car, staring up at this new girl on the bridge.  "ARIS!  YOU CAN'T LET HER JUMP!  YOU CAN'T!  ARIS, YOU HAVE TO STOP HER!"

The girl leaned forward to look over the edge and that was too much for me.  I stomped on the gas and sped away, under the bridge and around the corner to the on-ramp for Highway 26.  What on EARTH had I just seen?  Did I really see that?  What was I supposed to do with that information?  I called my mom.  My sister, H, was in the car with her when she answered.  I told them what I had seen and asked what I should do.  My mom told me to call 9-1-1.  I said, "but what if it's a false alarm?  Will I get in trouble?"  She assured me that no, I would not get in trouble.  Better safe than sorry.  I wailed, "why'd I have to see this?  I already saw the last one!  Why did I have to see this too?"  My mom's answer was simple: "maybe to save her life."

I exited the freeway, crossed over it, and turned back.  What if she had just been enjoying the view?  Maybe she was from out of town and wanted to see the iconic bridge.  Maybe she had a morbid fascination with the Vista.  "If she's there when I go back," I told myself, "I will call 9-1-1."  As I rushed off 26 toward Jefferson again, I started talking to Aris, the girl who died in January.  "Aris," I said.  "I am so afraid of what I'm going to see when I come around this corner.  Please don't let her jump, Aris.  Tell her to stop.  Don't let us all have to see this again."  It was really weird!  I never knew Aris in life, but here I was talking to her!

When I got around the corner, I stared up at the bridge again (I think I almost hit the median, lol) but I couldn't see the girl.  "Maybe she really was just taking pictures!" I said to nobody.  But as I passed under the bridge I saw a small cluster of people standing in front of one of the businesses on Jefferson, and they were all looking up.  I looked in my rear-view and sure enough, that girl was still there.  Her leg was still up.

I wanted to scream "STOP!" and have everything just stop.  I wanted to tell the gawkers, "just look away.  I know it's dramatic and interesting now but trust me, if she jumps, you will wish you had NOT been looking!  I saw the last one.  It's not something you ever want to see!"  I know they would not have believed me, but I would have said it anyway.

So I drove to a parking lot (Taco Bell I think), shut off my car and got out my phone.  I was shaking so badly I misdialed 9-1-1 two times!  First I dialed 8-1-1 and then 9-2-2!  Finally I got it right.  

911: What's your emergency?

Me: Well I'm sure you've got calls on this but there's a lady who appears to be about to jump off the Vista bridge.

911: Yes, we've got a couple calls on her.  Can you tell me anything new?  Does she have a leg over the railing?

Me: I don't know, I drove away.  But she had her leg up when I drove by.  I saw the aftermath of the last one in January... please you have to get someone up there now!

911: Okay, we've got some officers on their way up there now.  Just stay away from the scene, don't witness this one too.

I was touched, actually, that the dispatcher lady had the presence of mind to remember to tell me to take care of myself in this situation.  I was crying, so I probably sounded pretty freaked out, which I was!  

Back in January, when Aris jumped, I was mad at her at first.  But after a week or so went by  I realized I wasn't mad anymore.  One day, I was driving, and I spoke to Aris for the first time.  I didn't know her name or anything about her at the time, but I said, "I don't know who you are, and I don't know why you jumped.  It was awful to see you on the road there.  But I'm not mad at you.  I forgive you for accidentally causing that trauma to me and others.  I know you did not mean to do that.  I hope you're at peace now.  If I had seen you on the bridge, I would have talked to you.  I would have tried to convince you not to jump.  I would have cared.  But I didn't see you, and now you're gone, and probably lots of people miss you.  Maybe some people are angry with you, but that's just because underneath that they are sad and miss you.  But I am not mad at you.  I want you to be at peace and free of pain."

This time, I was there!  I did see this girl!  I had this fleeting thought of running up Vista Lane to the bridge and being like "STOP!"

I'd have told her not to jump.  I would have told her that I was sorry she was in so much pain and was so desperate.  I would tell her that suicide is never the answer.  But mostly I would not invalidate her.  I would tell her that I know she's hurting, but don't do it here.  Don't make all these people see her dead body, the way I saw Aris in January.  I can't un-see that.  I would say, "if you can't come down off of here for you, then do it for me and all the other me's down there who would see the aftermath of your decision."  I would've begged her.  I'd have gotten down on my knees right there in the rain and begged her not to hurt anyone like that.

My sister has been monitoring the internet (I don't have the guts to) and hasn't seen anything about this girl jumping.  

I couldn't help Aris.  But maybe by calling 9-1-1, I did a little to help this girl.  Maybe Aris heard me calling for her, and came to the bridge.  Maybe when the girl looked at the officer who was talking her down, maybe she saw a pretty girl with dark hair and brown eyes standing behind him.  Maybe that pretty girl - Aris - whispered to her, "don't do this."  Maybe those words echoed in this girl's heart and she came down and decided to live.

It's possible, right?