Monster

stuck in my own hell

feeling trapped like a caged bird

anorexia

-Kartini girls, Fall 2007

I am so beyond angry at Anorexia right now.  It's an evil monster.  And it's gotten my best friend.  Yes, I am calling her my best friend.  I have lots of best friends.  It seems silly to me to be limited to just one best friend!  Anyway... this entry is for her.

Dear Anorexia,

You are an evil, evil bastard.  You've destroyed countless lives and you're still hungry for more.  You and your partners in crime, Bulimia, EDNOS, Binge, and the rest of your crew need to pack your shit and get out of town.  Get off the planet.  Get out of our heads.  Leave us alone.  Let us be.  Let us LIVE!

Let us get married, have kids, drive cars, have passionate sex, buy houses, get jobs, go to college, dance, laugh, cry, do stupid things, make mistakes, eat, work out, learn, grow, smell flowers, take exams, graduate, bake, clean, write, watch movies, die, without us having to constantly worry about our bodies!  LEAVE US ALONE!  YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!!!

Since it's highly unlikely that you all will listen to that directive, I will change my tactic here.  Anorexia, you have managed to get into my head.  You've been there a long time.  I'm pretty far gone.  You might kill me!  I hope you don't, but I don't know how this will end.  But listen to me, you wicked, evil asshole.... get out of my best friend's head.  She is perfect damnit, and you just don't like that.  She's smarter than you are.  That's why you attacked her.  Get out of there.  I hate you.  I hate you.  I hate you for hurting her.  She's my best friend.  How dare you?  How fucking dare you??

If I ever met you face to face, anorexia, I would beat the living tar out of you with my bare hands.  I would punch you in the face until you spit blood.  I would knee you in the stomach until you fell down.  I would kick you all over until you begged me to stop, until you swore you'd leave and never, ever come back.  Until you signed a fucking contract that you'd never set foot in a human's mind ever again.  I would put a restraining order on you.  And if you ever showed your ugly face again, you'd be arrested and locked up for life.  I'd push for the death penalty for you, because you are responsible for so very many deaths.  You are pure evil.

I swear to God, if you hurt my best friend, like really hurt her, I will spend every waking moment working my ass off to eradicate you from the world.  I should be doing that anyway, but you're beating me down.  If you hurt her... I will rise up like God only knows what and I will fucking kill you.  I will hunt you down, in every person, on every continent on this whole planet and I will burn you out like a tick.  You will be very sorry that you ever came near her.  You will lose all your power.

Take me out.  I don't care.  But don't you dare touch her.

Love/Hate,

Kate x

disclaimer: the pics are from the internet! they're not mine.