One Month

One month ago today, I found out I was pregnant.  Am pregnant.  Am I?  This spotting and cramping has been going on for 2 straight days!  What the hell?? I had a stellar ultrasound on Monday, and now this?  I cannot keep up.

Yesterday, when driving home from my mom's house, I had an incipient panic attack in my car.  I was hyperventilating, sobbing, gripping the steering wheel, dizzy... it was terrifying!  My panic was making me panic more!  I made myself breathe as deeply as I could.  I fished my giant 1 liter water bottle out of my bag and took a few sips at a stoplight.  Eventually, the panic subsided and I made it home fine.  

But that was only the first of a few freak-outs last night.  The second one happened in the shower!  Crying in the shower is a weird feeling.  I never knew how hot my tears were until the outside of my body was wet and I could feel the hot tears IN my eyes... do I sound crazy? LOL!  Anyway!

This morning I woke up at 7:00am on the dot.  Well, actually, I had been waking up on and off since about 4:00am because my dear husband was snoring and farting up a storm.  But at 7 I woke up and just knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep.  I got up, went pee (check for blood), laid in bed for another 45 minutes playing on my phone, then went downstairs to feed the dogs.

I had 5 cubes of watermelon for breakfast.  I actually put 6 cubes in my bowl but I didn't want to finish them.  Then I took my prenatal vitamins and DHA and B Complex.  Big mistake to do that on only watermelon.  The nausea came almost right away.  I ate a piece of 80 cal toast with almond butter on it and felt better.

The cramping is a little better, I guess...?  It's just so hard to be in pain constantly.  Not to mention not knowing what the hell is going on in there.  The spotting seems to be improving, but we'll see.

I have a massive to-do list that has accumulated over the last 2 days.  Bank, Target, grocery store, post office... etc.  It's 9:42am... this shit isn't going to take care of itself!

Check out my 2 part Pregnancy and Anorexia Q&A Videos on YouTube:
CLICK HERE for part 1
CLICK HERE for part 2

happy Thursday! :)