On Monday night, Corky took me to a Hillsboro Hops baseball game. They're seriously minor league, but it's something to do. We went to a game a few weeks ago (June 30th I think) and it was moderately entertaining. My dad loves baseball so we decided we would invite him to a game. So on Monday the 14th, we went.
Corky, bless his soul, loves nachos, hot dogs, popcorn, pizza... all the shit that is sold at ballparks and movie theaters. So he was planning to have nachos (his all time favorite) at the game for dinner. I am not such a fan of ballpark food, surprise surprise, so I decided to have some cereal before we left.
I felt like absolute SHIT when we went to the game. My eating disorder was so mad at me for having eaten a bowl and a half of Kashi cereal.
It's so caloric... much higher calories than any cereal you normally eat. Why'd you eat that? You're so dumb! You have no will power.
And on and on and ON like that. I even snapped at Corky a few times as we were leaving the house. I was mad at myself because I had been sort of planning on getting a teriyaki chicken bowl (without rice) at the game, but now I couldn't have it, and I was so mad because it felt like I just had no willpower.
As we drove down this main road towards Hillsboro to get to the stadium, I looked out the window and saw a McDonalds. The drive-thru was full of people. I saw these two ladies in their car, in the drive-thru line, laughing about something. Within the next half mile we passed a Burger King, a Taco Bell, two pizza places and a handful of Mexican restaurants. And suddenly I realized Hey, at least I'm not eating that!
I am NOT casting judgments on people who eat fast food! I have eaten it in my life time and I'm sure I will again. But, as an anorexic person, fast food is not safe. Suddenly I felt so silly for being so mad at myself for eating Kashi cereal.
"Well," I said to Corky. "At least my idea of eating badly is eating Kashi cereal." And we both chuckled about that. I guess I'm going to be fine.
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