Okay... so I don’t actually remember this but I’ve read back my blog from when Mara was about the same age as Orion is and I had written that I felt this same way back then too but.... I feel SO disgustingly huge. I may be waaaaaaaay better but that eating disorder brain is still in there. It’s so hard to feel this way.
It’s also so hard to be hungry all the time. I deal with it as best I can but sometimes I just want to scream, “STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!” Right now is one of those times.
To be fair, it’s 2:37am. I haven’t slept. I haven’t slept much in months, really. So I’m probably not functioning on all cylinders, which makes things infinitely harder to deal with. I’m trying to be gentle with myself but damn it’s hard.
On a brighter note, it’s saturday! And tomorrow we have a 5K race which I’m pretty excited about. I took Orion on a run in the jogging stroller on Thursday, kind of a test-run (har har) for Sunday and he did well! Here’s hoping my pace isn’t horrendous.
No comments:
Post a Comment