The answer to that last question is unequivocally NO! I would never wish away the beautiful soul I've been blessed to look after and raise. Never ever ever! Do I sometimes miss having a flat stomach with no stretch marks? Sure. Would I have it back? Not if it meant Mara wouldn't be here. I would rather look like this and have her than to look like before and not!
But is it okay to be sad and miss it? Sure. Missing something isn't the same as wishing for it back. I've probably said this before on here but.... I'm going to say it again! It's okay to be sad. It's okay to mourn the life you had before kids. It's okay to have a hard time and it's okay to cry about it - just don't unpack and live there.
Now... the only problem here is that since that mini freak-out (which corky was great about by the way. He hugged me and told me I'm perfect and he loves me just as I am... a lot of coherent sentences for a man at 4:00 in the morning lol) I've been having more ED thoughts. They've come creeping in stronger overnight. This morning I had to work very hard to eat anything for breakfast with my coffee.
I just feel so stuck, you know? I want to restrict.. It's what I've always done. But I can't because of nursing. My supply already took a hit on one side because of the mastitis thing so now I have to work hard to increase it again. Which means eating enough and drinking a lot and pumping/nursing often. And ice packs. Woohoo! Frozen peas in my bra for days. But I love Mara so much.... I would do anything for her. Including all that stuff!
By the way, today is Jax's birthday. He's 2!! Love that silly boy of mine.
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