Missing Pieces

Sorry.

I realized after the fact that I left out a lot of important things from last night's post.  In my defense, I hadn't slept more than 3 hours per night in about a week and had just spent the day being flung from sea level to 38,000 feet, to 5,000 feet, back to 36,000 feet and back to sea level again (although airplanes pressurize at 10,000 in the cabin, so it should have been all the same to me.  Haha!)

Anyway... one of the reasons this blog exists at all is because I have an eating disorder and it is supposed to help spread awareness and help people understand that eating disorders are not:
-a choice
-fun
-just a "rich girl's disease"
-easy to overcome
-easy to live with
-easily fixable

Eating disorders are:
-painful
-scary
-my best friend
-my worst enemy
-capable of ruining lives
-sometimes fatal

I sometimes think to myself that other people (such as my parents, friends or fiance) can forget about my eating disorder when they walk away from me.  But I can't ever forget about it.  It's with me all the time.  It's always in my head, telling me really awful things.  

But... one thing I know for sure is this: imagine, if you can, that God (whatever he/she/they may look like for you) has a quota for eating disorders.  What if God had a quota for everything like cancer, AIDS, eating disorders, broken bones, deaths?  I would take this eating disorder if it meant that it would keep someone else from having it.  That is how hard it is.

So here's the parts of South Dakota I left out:

Eating yogurt for dinner on Christmas eve...

And then beating myself up for eating something else later.

This is what the dessert table looked like at our Christmas Day gathering at my mom's cousin's house.

One of my cousins later stated, "oh my God, I'm gonna gain so much weight!"  Furthermore, another one of my mom's cousins has an eating disorder and she was incredibly triggering.

This is what I had for dinner on the last night we were there.