Kartini Journal Part 2

Installment #2 of the Kartini Journal.  See part 1 for description and disclaimer.

Mon, Oct 8, 2007
Once again I'm so incredibly tired.  Why does treatment have to start so ridiculously early? Why couldn't it be like St. V's?  They don't start until 9:15, which is far preferable to 8:00.  
I was supposed to see S last Wednesday, but she flaked.  Why am I always surrounded by flaky people?  As if it's not enough that all my friends are flaky, my half-sister has to be flaky too!  I want to go to bed!

Wed, Oct 10, 2007
"When we long for a life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." -Peter Marshall

The journey to recovery has been underway since September 14, 2007.  It is a long, difficult road and I'm not sure I'll even get there. But I must try.  Give myself a chance to live life in recovery, because if I don't like it, it is very easy to go back to how I was.  P(k) is a weird freak.  I really don't like her.  She reminds me of Mrs. H, my 6th grade home-ec teacher who had a sign displayed on her desk proclaiming "I (heart) Monday!"  Who in the world loves Monday??

Thurs, Oct 11, 2007
I really don't feel like journaling today.  I don't really have anything to say.
Yesterday my parents rewarded me for doing well by taking me out to dinner.  We went to a Thai place.  It was good.
I've started reading t.a.t.u stories again.  I just wish I had my own computer again. :(  That would make it so much easier to read them.  I miss Bijou.  She's so cute.
I honestly don't understand how I'm going to make it through 10 weeks here.

That's week #2.  I didn't write again after that until Wed, Oct 17.  The 10/10 entry is encouraging, isn't it?  Well, for a minute there it was.  Giving myself a chance to live in recovery.  HA!!!! What the heck ever!  But really.... if I could snap my fingers and have this eating disorder be gone, would I?  I honestly don't know.  I'm not sure.  I might not!

Transcribing this journal is hard, but good.  It's so sad because I'm looking back at these writings and I had no idea at the time what was in store for me.  All the pain, trauma, sadness, fear that was coming.  But I know I must be a strong person, right?  Because I made it through that.  Sometimes I'm still amazed that I'm still here!